Does Husk Make Gaggles?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Don’t worry too much if you don’t know the answer to the question in the title, or even if you don’t understand the question.

We are in the realm of cell phone auto-correct again, so anything can happen.

Enjoy.

As always the health and safety warning applies to those of a nervous disposition who are likely to be offended by strong explicit language.

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“IDK, LY and TTYL!”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Not sure about the title? Don’t worry, all will become a little clearer in a moment.

Suffice to say we’re having another tussle with auto-correct!

Enjoy.

Usual health and safety applies to those of a nervous disposition who may be offended by adult themes and language.

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Duck Auto-Cucumber!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A sentiment no doubt felt by many as they struggle with texting on their cell phones.

Here is the latest selection of casualties.

Enjoy.

Usual health and safety warning applies for those of a nervous disposition likely to be offended by strong and explicit language.

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Autocorrect Is Becoming The Bean Of My Life.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I suppose if you asked the people who invented it, they would try to tell you that the auto-correct feature on cell phones is meant to do two things, 1) to help you to spell words correctly and 2) to save you time by automatically finishing the word you are typing into your text message.

Well, here’s a bit of news for any of them who may read this – it fails miserably on both counts!

Spelling correctly a word you are not trying to type is as useless as replacing the word you want to use with another that is completely unconnected with what you are trying to say.

I spend more time re-entering words into my phone that would send ten messages if they left me alone.

Yes, autocorrect is definitely the bean of my life!

Now for the funny bits….

(Usual health and safety warning applies if you are of a nervous disposition or likely to be offended by strong or graphic language. Proceed at your own risk!)

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Techno Talk Two, More Anal Cortex

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Last week I had a bit of a rant about one of the most annoying inventions of modern times, the hellish auto-correct feature on our cell phones.

The examples at the end of that rant proved to quite funny.

So, with the appropriate health and safety warning for those likely to be offended by strong and explicit language, here is another selection.

Enjoy.

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Fasab Talks Techno – Part One, “Hello there!”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today I’m talking techo, well sort of.

As time moves on – and it’s moving on far too fast – more and more things tend to irritate me.

The stupidity and bureaucracy we have to endure is the thing that inspired this blog in the first place and that remains a huge thorn in my side. I have made many comments on that subject and given the opportunity will no doubt make many more.

But another thing that pisses me off more and more is almost the opposite of stupidity – it is people trying to be too damn smart.

Nowhere is this more noticeable than in the technology that we use today.

Now, I’m not a technophobe by any stretch of the imagination. I love my computers and the advent of the internet was one of the greatest things ever, as far as I was concerned. Indeed I have blogged in the past about my long love affair with computers  click here to read it.

Maybe it’s because of that long love affair, because I have been involved with computers for so many years, that what is happening now irritates me so much.

What I’m talking about is the fact that today’s personal computers and tablets and telephones and all the other periphery of techo gadgets try to do far too much for their owners. Everyone who has one of these machines is apparently a moron, or at least that’s how the manufacturers seem to treat us.

In the good old days you actually had to work at making your computer do things. Your telephone in those days made telephone calls and that was about it. And tablets were the things the doctor prescribed when you were feeling poorly.

To cut what could well turn into a very long list of current irritations into a manageable size, let me concentrate on just a few of the most horrible things that we now have to face.

In fact, rather than go on and on I’ll split this post over a few days.

Today it’s telephones.

Like I just said, I remember the days when phones were used to make phone calls – seemed logical enough to us at the time. Now they do all sorts of things. You can still phone people when you figure out how, but now you can also text, surf the internet, send and receive video messages and calls, play games, buy stuff – in fact almost everything you can do on your computer you can now do on a smart phone. And most of them have reasonable quality cameras too.

For a while those who could afford a cell phone were lumbered with a thing the size of a brick and it weighed almost as much too!

You can see one of those in the photo below (far left!). You can still get them, or rather a modern version if you want to draw a bit of attention to yourself – and there are always people who do.

As the years went on the phones kept getting smaller and smaller. That was good for a while. They became light and pocket sized. But miniaturization became the trend, and cell phones got really really really small to the extent that unless you had the fingers of a five year old child instead of chubby man paws it was a struggle to find the right numbers to make a call and a nightmare to send a text.

Then, mainly because of the advance of wifi and 3G and 4G and so forth, cell phones started to get bigger again to the extent that they are nearly back to the size of that brick again, albeit a lot thinner and lighter. Glasses are the next step, with a heads up view just like on the helmet visors of those jet fighters you see in the movies. And sometime in the not too distant future you will just need a silicone chip embedded at the back of your ear-hole. Not sure I’ll go for that last one though.

That’s a potted history of the cell phone, but now for the really irritating part.

When texting really took off and became the most popular form of communication when using a cell phone, someone – they won’t tell me his name probably for his own safety – decided that we needed help writing a text. Not what I call a “speel chekkar” that is available on your computer – which would have been acceptable – but a much more sinister and annoying invention.

Guessed what it is yet?

Yes, it’s “auto-correct” or as it likes to call itself “anal cortex”.

I hate this thing with a passion. I disconnect it on every device I can because it doesn’t work!

Auto-correct has not the slightest idea what you are trying to say. It is unnecessary, frustrating, irritating and useless.

It has only one saving grace that I have found.

Sometimes it’s funny.

If you are not likely to be offended by strong language, have a look at some of the examples below and you’ll see exactly what I mean.

Enjoy.

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Check This One Out: 1

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Once again the clue to today’s post was in the title.

And since you checked the one in the title out why not check the rest of them out too.

Here is the latest selection of puns for you to endure or hopefully, enjoy.

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Tell you what floats my boat.

Water.

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What do houseflies and Mac users have in common?

Neither of them understand how Windows work.

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Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away…

or is it just one of Granny’s myths?

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I for one…

…but that’s Roman numerals for you.

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I knew a guy who fell into an industrial grinding machine.

He’s fine now.

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I have no beef with vegetarians.

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I slipped on some dog s**t the other day.

It didn’t suit me though.

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I hate it how people keep texting me “k”.

I am very rarely in the mood to talk about potassium.

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I bought some biscuits yesterday, on the packet it said,

“Store in a cool place.”

So I mailed them to Samuel L. Jackson’s house.

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When I was a kid people used to cover me

in cream and put a cherry on my head,

it was tough being brought up in the gateau.    

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I bought a CD which was just the sound of water flowing.

I didn’t like it though, it was too main-stream.

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A bartender drowned in a tidal wave of tonic water after a case exploded,

he was schwepped away.

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There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. 

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Ten words, two commas, an exclamation mark

and a period all appeared in court yesterday…

They’re due to be sentenced next week.

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The other day, an attendant stopped me in a hospital car park to tell me,

“You can’t park here. It’s badge holders only.”

I replied, “But I have got a bad shoulder.”

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Do you think “Gone With The Wind”

started out as just a draft?

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I was pulled over by the police today.

“How fast do you think you were going, sir?”

“60mph?” I asked.

“Try 135,” the officer replied.

So I shut the door and drove as fast as I could.

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The French are concerned that 77% of their electricity comes from nuclear power.

I think they should stop over-reacting.

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I’m scared of trampolines.

They make me jump.

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At last I’ve found out the reason that women ask so many questions.

Apparently they have an extra why chromosome.

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