Why Isn’t There An I In Cyclops?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun day again. How quickly they seem to come around.

Here’s the latest selection.

Enjoy or endure!

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The key to winning world’s best chiropodist title is no mean feet.

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I got woken up at 5am today by a bird tweeting.

If she doesn’t get a grip on her Internet addiction soon, I’m dumping her.

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Mulled wine is just wine that people think a lot about.

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My friend told me he is going to a fancy dress

party as a native American warrior.

I thought, that’s brave.

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I’ve just given a ten minute presentation

about underwear to Stephen Hawking.

It was a timed history of briefs.

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My friend asked me,

“Why are you so lazy when it comes to numbers?”

I said “You do the maths.”

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Dave the slug and Pete the termite are in the pub.

“I’d love to win the lottery,” Dave the slug said.

“Not me,” replied Pete the termite. “No way.”

“Why not?” asked Dave the slug.

“It would be a nightmare,” Pete the termite said.

“I’d have all my family crawling out of the woodwork after a share.”

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I said to the wife, “How come I never find you in the mood for sex?”

She replied, “You don’t look hard enough.”

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I always pray before I play a game of pool.

That way the angles help me.

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Reports are coming in of a huge explosion

in a baking powder factory.

Police are expecting casualties to rise.

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My wife gets furious when I put her down in front of my friends.

But it’s really embarrassing carrying around a 35 year old woman.

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What is small, red and whispers?

A hoarse raddish.

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While trekking in Nepal I saw a Yeti with an awesome six-pack.

Must have been the abdominal snowman.

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To become a good dentist,

you need a degree in Flossify.

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Just found out that ‘Aaarrrggghhh’ is not a real word.

I can’t even tell you how angry I am!

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Okay, Enough Of The Presidential Nonsense – Time To Get Serious!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, if the election didn’t make you groan, here’s your chance.

Its bad joke pun day!

Enjoy them if you can.  

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It wasn’t school John disliked it was just the principal of it.

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A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, “Is the bar tender here?”

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An electrician is a bright spark who knows what’s watt.

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Women who wear $200.00 perfume obviously are known to have no common scents.

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Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.

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A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.

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Communism first took off in the insect kingdom when a wary wasp joined the cagey bee.

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In the winter my dog wears his coat,

but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.

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Did you hear about the raisin that wined about how he couldn’t achieve grapeness.

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Opening a new funeral parlor can be quite an undertaking.

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I tend to avoid funerals, I’m not really a mourning person.

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The grammarian was never late. In fact he was always very punctual.

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I dropped out of my communism class because of lousy Marx.

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I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.

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To many girls the word ‘marriage’ has a nice ring to it.

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Those who stare at the moon are optimists.

They only look at the bright side.

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Tennis players don’t marry because Love means Nothing to them.

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Can Napoleon return to his place of birth?

Of Corsican.

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