I suppose if you asked the people who invented it, they would try to tell you that the auto-correct feature on cell phones is meant to do two things, 1) to help you to spell words correctly and 2) to save you time by automatically finishing the word you are typing into your text message.
Well, here’s a bit of news for any of them who may read this – it fails miserably on both counts!
Spelling correctly a word you are not trying to type is as useless as replacing the word you want to use with another that is completely unconnected with what you are trying to say.
I spend more time re-entering words into my phone that would send ten messages if they left me alone.
Yes, autocorrect is definitely the bean of my life!
Now for the funny bits….
(Usual health and safety warning applies if you are of a nervous disposition or likely to be offended by strong or graphic language. Proceed at your own risk!)
As time moves on – and it’s moving on far too fast – more and more things tend to irritate me.
The stupidity and bureaucracy we have to endure is the thing that inspired this blog in the first place and that remains a huge thorn in my side. I have made many comments on that subject and given the opportunity will no doubt make many more.
But another thing that pisses me off more and more is almost the opposite of stupidity – it is people trying to be too damn smart.
Nowhere is this more noticeable than in the technology that we use today.
Now, I’m not a technophobe by any stretch of the imagination. I love my computers and the advent of the internet was one of the greatest things ever, as far as I was concerned. Indeed I have blogged in the past about my long love affair with computers click here to read it.
Maybe it’s because of that long love affair, because I have been involved with computers for so many years, that what is happening now irritates me so much.
What I’m talking about is the fact that today’s personal computers and tablets and telephones and all the other periphery of techo gadgets try to do far too much for their owners. Everyone who has one of these machines is apparently a moron, or at least that’s how the manufacturers seem to treat us.
In the good old days you actually had to work at making your computer do things. Your telephone in those days made telephone calls and that was about it. And tablets were the things the doctor prescribed when you were feeling poorly.
To cut what could well turn into a very long list of current irritations into a manageable size, let me concentrate on just a few of the most horrible things that we now have to face.
In fact, rather than go on and on I’ll split this post over a few days.
Today it’s telephones.
Like I just said, I remember the days when phones were used to make phone calls – seemed logical enough to us at the time. Now they do all sorts of things. You can still phone people when you figure out how, but now you can also text, surf the internet, send and receive video messages and calls, play games, buy stuff – in fact almost everything you can do on your computer you can now do on a smart phone. And most of them have reasonable quality cameras too.
For a while those who could afford a cell phone were lumbered with a thing the size of a brick and it weighed almost as much too!
You can see one of those in the photo below (far left!). You can still get them, or rather a modern version if you want to draw a bit of attention to yourself – and there are always people who do.
As the years went on the phones kept getting smaller and smaller. That was good for a while. They became light and pocket sized. But miniaturization became the trend, and cell phones got really really really small to the extent that unless you had the fingers of a five year old child instead of chubby man paws it was a struggle to find the right numbers to make a call and a nightmare to send a text.
Then, mainly because of the advance of wifi and 3G and 4G and so forth, cell phones started to get bigger again to the extent that they are nearly back to the size of that brick again, albeit a lot thinner and lighter. Glasses are the next step, with a heads up view just like on the helmet visors of those jet fighters you see in the movies. And sometime in the not too distant future you will just need a silicone chip embedded at the back of your ear-hole. Not sure I’ll go for that last one though.
That’s a potted history of the cell phone, but now for the really irritating part.
When texting really took off and became the most popular form of communication when using a cell phone, someone – they won’t tell me his name probably for his own safety – decided that we needed help writing a text. Not what I call a “speel chekkar” that is available on your computer – which would have been acceptable – but a much more sinister and annoying invention.
Guessed what it is yet?
Yes, it’s “auto-correct” or as it likes to call itself “anal cortex”.
I hate this thing with a passion. I disconnect it on every device I can because it doesn’t work!
Auto-correct has not the slightest idea what you are trying to say. It is unnecessary, frustrating, irritating and useless.
It has only one saving grace that I have found.
Sometimes it’s funny.
If you are not likely to be offended by strong language, have a look at some of the examples below and you’ll see exactly what I mean.
Yes, time to put the fears behind us. This is the final selection of curious and sometimes amusing fears and phobias that affect some people. Irrational but very real to them. Irrational and very silly to the rest of us.
So here we go, ‘T’ thru ‘Z’.
Enjoy.
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Tachophobia ……….fear of speed.
Taijin Kyofusho ……….a phobia which occurs most typically in Japan, is the fear of offending others by one’s inappropriate social behavior or appearance
Taeniophobia or Taeniophobia ……….fear of tapeworms.
Taphephobia Taphophobia ……….fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.
Tapinophobia ……….fear of being contagious.
Taurophobia ……….fear of bulls.
Technophobia ……….fear of technology.
Teleophobia ……….fear of 1) definite plans; 2) religious ceremony.
Telephonophobia ……….fear of telephones.
Teratophobia ……….fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people.
Testophobia ……….fear of taking tests.
Tetanophobia ……….fear of lockjaw, tetanus.
Teutophobia ……….fear of German or German things.
Textophobia ……….fear of certain fabrics.
Thaasophobia ……….fear of sitting.
Thalassophobia ……….fear of the sea.
Thanatophobia or Thantophobia ……….fear of death or dying.
Theatrophobia ……….fear of theatres.
Theologicophobia ……….fear of theology.
Theophobia ……….fear of gods or religion.
Thermophobia ……….fear of heat.
Tocophobia ……….fear of pregnancy or childbirth.
Tomophobia ……….fear of surgical operations.
Tonitrophobia ……….fear of thunder.
Topophobia ……….fear of certain places or situations, such as stage fright.
Toxiphobia or Toxophobia or Toxicophobia ……….fear of poison or of being accidently poisoned.
Traumatophobia ……….fear of injury.
Tremophobia ……….fear of trembling.
Trichinophobia ……….fear of trichinosis.
Trichopathophobia or Trichophobia ……….fear of hair. (Chaetophobia, Hypertrichophobia)
Triskaidekaphobia ……….fear of the number 13.
Tropophobia ……….fear of moving or making changes.
Trypanophobia ……….fear of injections.
Tuberculophobia ……….fear of tuberculosis.
Turophobia ……….fear of cheese
Tyrannophobia ……….fear of tyrants.
Uranophobia or Ouranophobia ……….fear of heaven.
Urophobia ……….fear of urine or urinating.
Vaccinophobia ……….fear of vaccination.
Venereophobia ……….fear of catching a venereal disease.
Venustraphobia ……….fear of beautiful women.
Verbophobia ……….fear of words.
Verminophobia ……….fear of germs.
Vespertiliophobia ……….fear of bats.
Vestiphobia ……….fear of clothing.
Virginitiphobia ……….fear of virgins.
Virginitiphobia ……….fear of rape.
Vitricophobia ……….fear of step-father.
Vokephobia ……….fear of returning home.
Walloonphobia ……….fear of the Walloons.
Wiccaphobia ……….fear of witches and witchcraft.
Xanthophobia ……….fear of the color yellow or the word yellow.
Xeniaphobia ……….fear of foreign doctors, usually having to do with strong foreign accents making it difficult to understand their English. Also, if travelling in a foreign country, the fear that doctors may have inadequate medical skills.
Xenodochiophobia ……….fear of foreign hotels that could include the fear that there won’t be soap, the kind of toilet paper that you like, clean towels, or good maid service.
Xenoglossophobia ……….fear of foreign languages.
Xenonosocomiophobia ……….fear of foreigners who are pick-pockets.
Xenophobia ……….fear of strangers or foreigners.
Xerophobia ……….fear of dryness.
Xeroxophobia ……….fear of using anything made by Xerox, or fear of office equipment in general.
Xylophobia ……….fear of 1) wooden objects; 2) Forests.
If you aren’t scared yet the chances are you are not afflicted with anything on the following list of phobias or irrational fears that seem to grip some unfortunate people. For them 2013 will be as frightening as 2012. Imagine, for example, spending the whole year with proctophobia – what a bummer!
In today’s list are the ‘O’s and the ‘P’s.
Enjoy.
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Obesophobia……….fear of gaining weight. (Pocrescophobia)
Ochlophobia……….fear of crowds or mobs.
Ochophobia……….fear of vehicles.
Octophobia ……….fear of the figure 8.
Odontophobia……….fear of teeth or dental surgery.
Odynophobia or Odynephobia……….fear of pain. (Algophobia)
Oenophobia……….fear of wines.
Oikophobia……….fear of home surroundings, house. (Domatophobia, Eicophobia)
Olfactophobia……….fear of smells.
Ombrophobia……….fear of rain or of being rained on.
Ommetaphobia or Ommatophobia……….fear of eyes.
Omphalophobia……….fear of belly buttons.
Oneirophobia……….fear of dreams.
Oneirogmophobia……….fear of wet dreams.
Onomatophobia……….fear of hearing a certain word or of names.
Ophidiophobia……….fear of snakes. (Snakephobia)
Ophthalmophobia……….fear of being stared at.
Opiophobia……….fear medical doctors experience of prescribing needed pain medications for patients.
Optophobia……….fear of opening one’s eyes.
Ornithophobia……….fear of birds.
Orthophobia……….fear of property.
Osmophobia or Osphresiophobia……….fear of smells or odors.
Ostraconophobia……….fear of shellfish.
Ouranophobia or Uranophobia……….fear of heaven.
Pagophobia……….fear of ice or frost.
Panthophobia……….fear of suffering and disease.
Panophobia or Pantophobia……….fear of everything.
Papaphobia……….fear of the Pope.
Papyrophobia……….fear of paper.
Paralipophobia……….fear of neglecting duty or responsibility.
Paraphobia……….fear of sexual perversion.
Parasitophobia……….fear of parasites.
Paraskavedekatriaphobia……….fear of Friday the 13th.
Parthenophobia……….fear of virgins or young girls.
Pathophobia……….fear of disease.
Patroiophobia……….fear of heredity.
Parturiphobia……….fear of childbirth.
Peccatophobia……….fear of sinning or imaginary crimes.
Pediculophobia……….fear of lice.
Pediophobia……….fear of dolls.
Pedophobia……….fear of children.
Peladophobia……….fear of bald people.
Pellagrophobia……….fear of pellagra.
Peniaphobia……….fear of poverty.
Pentheraphobia……….fear of mother-in-law. (Novercaphobia)
Phagophobia……….fear of swallowing or of eating or of being eaten.
Phalacrophobia……….fear of becoming bald.
Phallophobia……….fear of a penis, especially erect.
Pharmacophobia……….fear of taking medicine.
Phasmophobia……….fear of ghosts.
Phengophobia……….fear of daylight or sunshine.
Philemaphobia or Philematophobia……….fear of kissing.
Philophobia……….fear of falling in love or being in love.
Philosophobia……….fear of philosophy.
Phobophobia……….fear of phobias.
Photoaugliaphobia……….fear of glaring lights.
Photophobia……….fear of light.
Phonophobia……….fear of noises or voices or one’s own voice; of telephones.
Phronemophobia……….fear of thinking.
Phthiriophobia……….fear of lice. (Pediculophobia)
Phthisiophobia……….fear of tuberculosis.
Placophobia……….fear of tombstones.
Plutophobia……….fear of wealth.
Pluviophobia……….fear of rain or of being rained on.
Pneumatiphobia……….fear of spirits.
Pnigophobia or Pnigerophobia……….fear of choking of being smothered.
Pocrescophobia……….fear of gaining weight. (Obesophobia)
Podophobia……….fear of feet.
Pogonophobia……….fear of beards.
Poliosophobia……….fear of contracting poliomyelitis.
Politicophobia……….fear or abnormal dislike of politicians.
Polyphobia……….fear of many things.
Poinephobia……….fear of punishment.
Ponophobia……….fear of overworking or of pain.
Porphyrophobia……….fear of the color purple.
Potamophobia……….fear of rivers or running water.
Potophobia……….fear of alcohol.
Pharmacophobia……….fear of drugs.
Proctophobia……….fear of rectums.
Prosophobia……….fear of progress.
P-P-P-P-P-Psellismophobia……….fear of stuttering.
Psychophobia……….fear of mind.
Psychrophobia……….fear of cold.
Pteridophobia……….morbid fear of fearns.
Pteromerhanophobia……….fear of flying.
Pteronophobia……….fear of being tickled by feathers.
Pupaphobia ……….fear of puppets.
Pyrexiophobia……….fear of fever.
Pyrophobia……….fear of fire.
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How are you after all that? Are you developing symptoms or are you feeling good?
One of the bane’s of modern existence has to be telemarketers.
It’s a job, I suppose and everybody is entitled to earn a living.
But, like email spam, it is the quantity that gets to people and makes us angry. If we only got a telemarketing call now and again nobody would take umbrage, but getting them three or four times a week, and in some cases three or four times a day, it’s just too much for a body to take.
The cel phone companies used to be the worst offenders. They employed call centers in India or the Philippines or elsewhere, paid them a pittance and gave them a list of cel phone subscribers. And they called and they called and they called.
Maybe you’ve heard of the seven deadly sins or the seven ways to happiness. Well thanks to telemarketers I discovered that there are also seven phases that most people go through when this torture is inflicted upon them.
Phase 1 is the polite phase, when you take the call and politely decline their offer (that is, if you haven’t been conned into buying something).
Phase 2 is the not so polite phase, when you take the call and not so politely decline their offer.
Phase 3 is the beginning to get really irritated phase, when your politeness has all been used up.
Phase 4 is the angry phase, where you’ve switched completely from politeness to anger and mildly abusive replies.
Phase 5 is the very angry phase, where you shout and question both the intelligence and parentage of the unfortunate telemarketer on the other end of the phone.
Phase 6 is the just plain rude phase, this is the one where, if you had a beep machine, it would be working overtime and then some.
And finally there is Phase 7 which is the phase where you say nothing at all and just hang up.
If telemarketers calls are a persistent problem you often find yourself going from Phase 1 to Phase 4 within the same sentence. And occasionally you just answer the phone in Phase 6 mode, which is unfortunate if it’s just your old Auntie Mabel on the other end of the line.
But there is it.
Of course there is another way of doing it as a fellow called Tom Mabe demonstrated. I think his way is much better, certainly funnier. Have a listen – and I apologise profusely about the two idiots cackling and chuckling in the background. They’re almost as irritating as a telemarketing call, but their contribution was beyond my control.
fasab 