Puns About Monorails Always Make For Decent One-Liners.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It is just as hard to guage the size of a monorail as it is to guage the popularity of puns.

Here is another selection of word plays that may help you make up your mind.

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

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According to ‘serving suggestions’

I’m a family of four

 'serving suggestions

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Me and my friend used to spend

all our time together in a tree-house,

but then we fell out.

 tree-house

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I come from a small town

whose population never changes.

Every time a woman falls pregnant,

someone leaves town.

 woman falls pregnant

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A synanym is a word you use

in place of one you can’t spell.

 synanym

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It’s difficult to say something tongue-in-cheek

without people thinking you have a speech impediment.

 obama tongue-in-cheek

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 I had the right to remain silent,

unfortunately I didn’t have the ability.

 right to remain silent

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It’s my first session with the

Impatience Support Group is tonight

…….. I can’t wait.

 Impatience

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I realized I didn’t have many friends

when I tried to text Ben,

scrolled down my contacts list

and accidentally texted William.

 Contact list

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My doctor said to me,

“Do you know your sperm count?”

I said,

“No, I didn’t know they were that clever.”

 paul-noth-you-need-to-get-your-cholesterol-where-your-sperm-count-is-new-yorker-cartoon

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Did you hear about the American

who went on a holiday to India and

didn’t manage to see a single wig wam?

 wig wam

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How does a woman scare a Gynaecologist?

By becoming a Ventriloquist.

 scared Gynaecologist

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Finally, here’s a joke for

all the mind readers out there….

mind reader

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Did you like it?

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Good Luck, It’s Quiz Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another Monday, another quiz to start the week.

As usual the answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below  –  but NO cheating!

Enjoy, and good luck!

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Quiz 6

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Q.  1:  Who sang ‘Coward of the County’ in 1980?

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Q.  2:  Of which Native American tribe was Sitting Bull a member?

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Q.  3:  Which temple stands on the Acropolis in Athens?

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Q.  4:  Who was the first man to win the Academy Award for best actor two years in a row?

    a) Clark Gable

    b) James Stewart

    c) Charles Laughton

    d) Spencer Tracy

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Q.  5:  What nickname was given to Baron von Richthofen’s fighter squadron in World War I?

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Q.  6:  Of which country has President Kenneth Kaudu been the leader?

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Q.  7:  In which fictional American town or city was the TV series Northern Exposure set?

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Q.  8:  What nationality is tennis player Boris Becker?

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Q.  9:  Which religion was founded by Prince Guatama Siddhartha in the 6th century BC?

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Q. 10:  What was the nationality of Zorba in the movie and who played him?

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Q. 11:  What is the name of Ozzy Osbourne’s wife?

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Q. 12:  Where were Geoffrey Chaucer’s pilgrims going as they told their tales?

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Q. 13:  In Rastafari, who is known as ‘The Lion of Judah’?

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Q. 14:  What term is given to the point in spring when the sun’s path crosses the celestial equator, so that day and night are of approximately equal length?

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Q. 15:  The composer Ludwig van Beethoven and the poet William Wordsworth were both born in the same year. Which year was it?

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Q. 16:  On the 7th of January 1785, George Washington became the first man in North America to send which kind of letter?

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Q. 17:  Who was the young star of ‘National Velvet’ in 1945?

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Q. 18:  Although its name is a synonym for ‘no apprehension’, which massive revolutionary invention, first introduced in 1906, instilled fear all over the world?

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Q. 19:  Who was the first person to appear on the cover of the Rolling Stone?  

    a) Dr Hook

    b) Elvis

    c) John Lennon

    d) Mick Jagger

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Q. 20:  This ‘Soul Man’ took a ‘Walk On The Wild Side’ and then had a ‘Perfect Day’. Who was he?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Who sang ‘Coward of the County’ in 1980?

A.  1:  Kenny Rogers

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Q.  2:  Of which American tribe was Sitting Bull a member?

A.  2:  Lakota Sioux.

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Q.  3:  Which temple stands on the Acropolis in Athens?

A.  3:  The Parthenon.

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Q.  4:  Who was the first man to win the Academy Award for best actor two years in a row?

    a) Clark Gable

    b) James Stewart

    c) Charles Laughton

    d) Spencer Tracy

A.  4:  d) Spencer Tracy (1937 for Captains Courageous and 1938 for Boys Town)

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Q.  5:  What nickname was given to Baron von Richthofen’s fighter squadron in World War I?

A.  5: ‘Flying Circus’ or ‘Richthofen’s Circus’.

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Q.  6:  Of which country has President Kaudu been the leader?

A.  6:  Zambia.

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Q.  7:  In which fictional American town or city was the TV series Northern Exposure set?

A.  7:  Cicely, Alaska.

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Q.  8:  What nationality is tennis player Boris Becker?

A.  8:  German.

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Q.  9:  Which religion was founded by Prince Guatama Siddhartha in the 6th century BC?

A.  9:  Buddhism.

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Q. 10:  What was the nationality of Zorba in the movie and who played him?

A. 10:  Greek, and he was played by Anthony Quinn.

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Q. 11:  What is the name of Ozzy Osbourne’s wife?

A. 11:  Sharon.

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Q. 12:  Where were Geoffrey Chaucer’s pilgrims going as they told their tales?

A. 12:  Canterbury.

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Q. 13:  In Rastafari, who is known as ‘The Lion of Judah’?

A. 13:  Haile Selassie (the First).

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Q. 14:  What term is given to the point in spring when the sun’s path crosses the celestial equator, so that day and night are of approximately equal length?

A. 14:  The vernal equinox.

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Q. 15:  The composer Ludwig van Beethoven and the poet William Wordsworth were both born in the same year. Which year was it?

A. 15:  1770.

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Q. 16:  On the 7th of January 1785, George Washington became the first man in North America to send which kind of letter?

A. 16:  An ‘Air Mail’.  Using a balloon. The letter was addressed to no one but was to be given to the owner of the property on which the balloon landed.

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Q. 17:  Who was the young star of ‘National Velvet’ in 1945?

A. 17:  Elizabeth Taylor.

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Q. 18:  Although its name is a synonym for ‘no apprehension’, which massive revolutionary invention, first introduced in 1906, instilled fear all over the world?

A. 18:  The Dreadnought battleship.

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Q. 19:  Who was the first person to appear on the cover of the Rolling Stone?  

    a) Dr Hook

    b) Elvis

    c) John Lennon

    d) Mick Jagger

A. 19:  c) John Lennon.

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Q. 20:  This ‘Soul Man’ took a ‘Walk On The Wild Side’ and then had a ‘Perfect Day’. Who was he?

A. 20:  Lou Reed, those are the names of his songs that made it in the charts.


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Monday. Quiz Day. Go On, Have A Go!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for twenty more questions. A mixture of general knowledge, history, television, movies, etc., so there should be a few in here that will suit you.  

As usual the answers can be found waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please, NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Quiz 07

Q.  1:  When was the American Declaration of Independence?

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Q.  2:  Who wrote the communist manifesto with Frederich Engels?

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Q.  3:  Where did Audrey Hepburn famously have breakfast in New York City?

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Q.  4:  From which French town were more than 330,000 Allied Troops evacuated in 1940?

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Q.  5:  The 70th birthday of which organization will take place on 22 October 2015 in New York City?

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Q.  6:  In which American town or city was the TV series Frasier set?

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Q.  7:  In which town in Texas did 70 cult members die in a fire after four federal agents were killed during a confrontation?

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Q.  8:  What does the Strait of Messina separate?

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Q.  9:  Who was ‘The Graduate’ in the movie of the same name?

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Q. 10:  What was the last state to join the American Union?

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Q. 11:  Most of us have probably watched and enjoyed ‘The Sopranos’ and ‘The Newsroom’ both aired on HBO, but what does ‘HBO’ stand for?

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Q. 12:  The Greek root ‘syn’, found in words like synonym and syntax, means what?

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Q. 13:  From Here To where is the Oscar-winning movie with Deborah Kerr, Burt Lancaster and Frank Sinatra?

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Q. 14:  What is the more common name for magnesium sulphate?

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Q. 15:  What was the former name of Taiwan?

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Q. 16:  Which young star of the movie ‘East of Eden’ died in a car crash aged only 24?

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Q. 17:  According to the expression coined by Andy Warhol, how many minutes of fame constitute the ephemeral condition ‘celebrity’?

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Q. 18:  Which South American country was ruled by Bernardo O’Higgins?

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Q. 19:  ‘Ruy Lopez’, ‘Monkey’s Bum’, ‘King’s Indian’, ‘Semi Tarrasch’, ‘Sicilian’, ‘Clam Variation’, ‘Scotch Game’ and ‘Giuoco Piano’ are all examples of what?

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Q. 20:  In the movie ‘The Good, the Bad and The Ugly’, who played the three leading roles? (A point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you get all three.)

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  When was the American Declaration of Independence?

A.  1:  1776

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Q.  2:  Who wrote the communist manifesto with Frederich Engels?

A.  2:  Karl Marx

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Q.  3:  Where did Audrey Hepburn famously have breakfast in New York City?

A.  3:  At Tiffany’s.

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Q.  4:  From which French town were more than 330,000 Allied Troops evacuated in 1940?

A.  4:  Dunkirk

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Q.  5:  The 70th birthday of which organization will take place on 22 October 2015 in New York City?

A.  5:  The United Nations

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Q.  6:  In which American town or city was the TV series Frasier set?

A.  6:  Seattle

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Q.  7:  In which town in Texas did 70 cult members die in a fire after four federal agents were killed during a confrontation?

A.  7:  Waco

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Q.  8:  What does the Strait of Messina separate?

A.  8:  Mainland Italy and Sicily

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Q.  9:  Who was ‘The Graduate’ in the film of the same name?

A.  9:  Dustin Hoffman

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Q. 10:  What was the last state to join the American Union?

A. 10:  Alaska

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Q. 11:  Most of us have probably watched and enjoyed ‘The Sopranos’ and ‘The Newsroom’ both aired on HBO, but what does ‘HBO’ stand for?

A. 11:  Home Box Office

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Q. 12:  The Greek root ‘syn’, found in words like synonym and syntax, means what?

A. 12:  It means ‘with’ or ‘together’.

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Q. 13:  From Here To where is the Oscar-winning movie with Deborah Kerr, Burt Lancaster and Frank Sinatra?

A. 13:  Eternity

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Q. 14:  What is the more common name for magnesium sulphate?

A. 14:  Epsom salts.

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Q. 15:  What was the former name of Taiwan?

A. 15:  Formosa

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Q. 16:  Which young star of the movie ‘East of Eden’ died in a car crash aged only 24?

A. 16:  James Dean

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Q. 17:  According to the expression coined by Andy Warhol, how many minutes of fame constitute the ephemeral condition ‘celebrity’?

A. 17:  15 minutes of fame.

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Q. 18:  Which South American country was ruled by Bernardo O’Higgins?

A. 18:  Chile

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Q. 19:  ‘Ruy Lopez’, ‘Monkey’s Bum’, ‘King’s Indian’, ‘Semi Tarrasch’, ‘Sicilian’, ‘Clam Variation’, ‘Scotch Game’ and ‘Giuoco Piano’ are all examples of what?

A. 19:  Chess openings.

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Q. 20:  In the movie ‘The Good, the Bad and The Ugly’, who played the three leading roles? (A point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you get all three.)

A. 20:  Clint Eastwood, Eli Wallach and Lee Van Cleef

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