When it comes to charity many people stop at nothing.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We’re playing with the meanings of words again.

Yes it’s another pun day.

Enjoy!

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Why do they call it a strip mall

if I’m the only one with my clothes off?

strip mall

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They say that all the best ideas will always fit on a beer mat.

Like a beer, for example.

beer mat

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When chatting up women, saying “you have beautiful eyes”

is one of the more cornea things to say.

They can see right through it.

beautiful eyes

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If you want to see real change…..

Always pay with cash.

change

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My girlfriend keeps telling me that making

clothes based puns is really not funny.

Corset is!

corset cartoon

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If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,

do what it says on the aspirin bottle:

“Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.”

aspirin cartoon

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Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?

He decided to stick it out for one more year.

Flasher

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BA has made a statement about flights out of Heathrow:

“I ain’t getting on no plane, fool!”

Mr T

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There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those who understand binary and those who don’t.

real-programmers-code-in-binary

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Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby?

Because you get a womb with a view.

test_tube_baby

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea.

Does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

diarrhea

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Is dancing cheek-to-cheek really a form of floor play?

dancing cheek to cheek

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It’s wasn’t that the man did not know how to juggle,

he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

juggler

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I hate it when I find a piece missing from a jigsaw.

But I love it when I find a piece missing from a jigsaw.

jigsaw-piece-cartoon

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I Have Finally Decided On My New Year’s Resolution – It’s 1024 x 768!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Well, if you haven’t guessed already from the title, the year may be new but the puns probably aren’t!

But I figured if we get some of these in early then there’s a chance that the year will improve later.

Strap yourselves in. Here we go.

Enjoy.

Does chasing the American Dream not count as exercise?

american-dream 

Protons have mass?

I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

protons have mass 

Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?

Marx tomb 

I was checking into a hotel the other week.

At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, “I hope the porn channel is disabled.”

Unbelievable what some people are into.

XXX 

I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday.

He said, “Have you ever shoed a horse?”

I said, “No, but I once told a donkey to f*** off.”

Cartoon_Donkey_by_Airdin 

I’ll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

negative numbers 

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out,

“Can you all see me now?”

“Yes.”

“Oui.”

“Sí.”

“Ja.”

English French Spanish German 

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I’ve just taken up speed reading.

Last night I did war and peace in 20 seconds.

I know it’s only 3 words but it’s a start!

Speed Reading 

I can’t see an end.

I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape.

I don’t even have a home anymore.

Definitely time for a new keyboard.

broken-keyboard 

“Watch Back to the Future:- Tomorrow, on Yesterday” WTF????

Back To The Future 

My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people’s ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject’s memory. Why didn’t I think of that?

stealing ideas 

I’m always frank with my sexual partners.

Don’t want them knowing my real name, do I?

I'm Frank 

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