Maths Puns Are The First Sine Of Madness.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I wonder what the second sine is?

But let’s not go off at a tangent.

Let’s just enjoy another Pun Day instead.

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The first rule of Innuendo Club is

you can only enter via the back door.

 

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I’ve been sitting here all day trying to

think of anagrams of the word ‘wired’

but I can only think of one.

Which is weird.

 

 

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This morning my physiotherapist

tapped my knee with a plastic hammer

and made my leg jerk.

The nerve.

 

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Are people who believe in

ghosts very ghoulable?

 

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No matter how much you push the envelope,

it’ll still be stationery.

 

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My friend was arrested for drunk driving

on a motorized shopping cart at WalMart.

Apparently he led the police on a chase

that reached 90 aisles per hour.

 

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“All you ever talk about is golf!”

My wife shouted.

“Golf, golf and more bloody golf!”

“Calm down love,” I said.

“Don’t let this driver wedge between us.”

 

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I went to buy pork chops and told

the butcher to make them lean.

He said, ‘Which way?’

 

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Many scientists agree the only way to solve

the planet’s worsening energy crisis

is for the whole world to convert to solar power.

That’s not going to happen overnight.

 

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I was the first person to install trampolines

in musician’s tour buses and now

everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.

 

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I said to my blind date, “I actually take

a plane to work and back every single day.”

“Wow, you must be wealthy.” She said.

“Everything but,” I replied,

“I’m just a carpenter.”

 

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I bumped into the guy

who invented the globe.

It’s a small world.

 

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Why did the poet kill himself

by walking into the road?

Because he thought there

was nothing left to right.

 

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I never thought I’d buy into Feng Shui.

But oh how the tables have turned.

 

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I was in a music group

called ‘Illegal imports’.

We were a contraband.

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Chain Stores, Axes And Earthquakes Are Just Some Of Today’s Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, chain stores, axes and earthquakes are just some of today’s random selection of fabulous facts here at the fasab blog.

Hope find a few things new and interesting.

Enjoy.

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NASA’s New Horizons mission will

be the first probe to study Pluto.

It was launched on January 2006,

and will be near Pluto on July 2015.

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The world’s largest Axe is located

in Nackawic, New Brunswick, Canada.

It stands 15 metres (49 ft) tall,

weighs over 55 tons and the

axe-head is 7 metres (23 ft) wide and

has a time capsule embedded within it.

It sits on a concrete stump 10 metres (33 ft) in diameter.

The axe was commissioned, designed and

built in 1991 by a company in Woodstock and it

symbolizes the importance of the forest industry in the region.

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There is a small town in Estonia (actual name ‘Tartu’)

that has been nicknamed of ‘Souptown’ because most

of its streets are named after various vegetables,

such as Kartuli (Potato), Herne (Pea), Oa (Bean),

Marja (Berry) and Meloni (Melon).

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The town of ‘Superior’ in Wisconsin in the USA

is also known as ‘Soup Town’

but this is simply because the name was shortened

to ‘Soup’ and then ‘Town’ added later.

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The first recorded chain store was British-owned W H Smith,

founded in London in 1792 by Henry Walton Smith and his wife.

The store sells books, stationery, magazines, newspapers,

and entertainment products.

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In the U.S., chain stores began with the founding of

The Great Atlantic & Pacific Tea Company (A&P) in 1859.

By the early 1920s, the U.S. boasted three national chains:

A&P, Woolworth’s, and United Cigar Stores.

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Ants are known to be able to lift and carry

about 50 times their own bodyweight,

but a recent scientific research study by

Ohio State University suggests it can be up

to an incredible 5000 times their bodyweight.

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It was during the stupid ‘Prohibition’ period

in the Unites States (1920-1933),

when there was a nationwide Constitutional ban

on the sale, production, importation, and

transportation of alcoholic beverages,

that  ‘cocktails’ gained popularity.

They were offered to mask the flavor of poorly made

alcohol and popular versions included

‘Mary Pickford’, ‘French 75’, ‘Barbary Coast’,

‘Bee’s Knees’, and the ‘Sidecar’.

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And, by the way,

it is still illegal in Ohio to get a fish drunk.

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Barack Obama is the USA’s 44th President,

but there actually have only been 43 presidents:

Grover Cleveland was elected for two non-consecutive terms

and is counted twice, as the 22nd and 24th President.

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Although the Great Wall of China has

existed for more than two thousand years,

most of the rest of the world didn’t know

about it until after the first European,

a Portuguese explorer named Bento de Gois,

discovered it in 1605.

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Not quite as old as the Great Wall of China,

but nonetheless impressive, was Brazilian woman

Maria do Carmo Jeronimo who for a while

was the oldest living person on earth.

She was the last Brazilian slave,

and one of very few people in history who

managed to live during three different centuries;

she was born in Brazil in 1871 and

she died on June 14, 2000,

at the incredible age of 129 years and 102 days.

Unfortunately lack of a birth certificate,

which were not often issued in those days especially for slaves,

prevented her official recognition as the world’s oldest woman.

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If you ever wondered what it would be like

trying to eat your dinner during an earthquake

then you should book a table at

Disaster Café, in Lloret de Mar, Spain.

At the “disastrous” dinners customers experience

an artificial 7.8 magnitude earthquake

so don’t wear your best gear as there are likely

to be spilled food and drinks during the meal.

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When James Wan agreed to direct the horror movie ‘Saw’

he also agreed not to receive an “up front” salary

but instead opted for a generous percentage

of the movie’s box office earnings.

‘Saw’ made over $100 million globally and it is

considered one of the most profitable horror movies of all time.

Wan’s risk also enabled him to become one of the youngest

and highest-earning directors in movie history.

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The world’s shortest commercial flight takes place

between the two Orkney Islands, Westray and

Papa Westray, north of Scotland.

Operated by Loganair,

the flight covers a distance of only 1.7 miles (2.7 km)

and if the weather conditions are favorable,

it can be completed in just 47 seconds.

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First Impressions.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few weeks ago we were setting up a new company. I won’t bore you with the details of that, except for one thing.

It involved creating a new logo as part of the deal for use on web sites, stationery, etc.

Most, if not all businesses have them. There are different criteria depending on the type of business. But as the public image of your business, and invariably the first thing people see, it is an important thing to think about and try to get right. 

I did a logo competition a few months back (click here if you want to see it) and most of the logos on it were clever as well as relevant to the businesses they were representing.

That’s the way it should be, and it would be, except for stupid people. You see you don’t have to be smart to start a business. And you don’t have to be smart to get someone to design a logo for you either.

But a bit of intelligent thought would help as the business logos below illustrate.

What they were thinking and how they did not spot the obvious catastrophes they were creating I just do not know.

Judge for yourselves and tell me if any of these would have got your stamp of approval if they had been designed for your company.

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Institute of Oriental Studies

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mont sat

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Office of Government Commerce

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Kids Exchange

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Locum

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And probably worst of all considering

the pedophile and cover-up scandals

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Catholic Church’s Archdiocesan Youth Commission

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Puns For The Educated Mind

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

According to the dictionary, a pun is the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications, or the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning; a play on words.

I like puns. Sometimes they can be quite clever and humorous. At other times they can lead to an excruciatingly bad joke, although the worse they are the funnier they seem to be. Strange thing humor. 

I have a load of examples in the archives. Here are some to give you a taste of what may be in store.

Enjoy, (I hope)…

 

 

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.

 

 

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,

but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

 

 

She was only a whiskey maker,

but he loved her still.

 

 

No matter how much you push the envelope,

it’ll still be stationery.

 

 

Would a grenade thrown into a kitchen in France result in

Linoleum Blownapart?

 

 

Two silk worms had a race.

They ended up in a tie.

 

 

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.

 

 

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

 

 

Apparently Mitt Romney donated the entirety of his inheritance from his father to the Brigham Young University. Is this guy a Moron?

 

Mitt Romney and Charles Montgomery Burns

 

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”

 

 

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me.

 

 

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:

“Keep off the Grass.”

 

 

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison

was a small medium at large.

 

 

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray

is now a seasoned veteran.

 

 

A backward poet writes inverse.

 

 

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts…

In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

 

 

When cannibals ate a missionary,

did they get a taste of religion?

 

 

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,

you’d be in Seine.

 

 

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess looks at him and says,

“I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion per passenger.”

 

 

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

 

 

Two hydrogen atoms meet.

One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”

The other says, “Are you sure?” 

The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

 

 

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