Why Do I Like Masochism? Beats Me!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And for those masochists among you here is another selection of word plays, or puns.

You know what’s coming.

Enjoy or endure!

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As an avid gardener,

I got so excited by summer coming,

I wet my plants.

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The jar I put money into every

time I use profanities

has really helped me cut back.

I swear by it.

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I was just told by someone

to stop being so unsavory.

I thought that’s sweet.

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Apparently it’s really easy to cook Monkfish,

Just stick it on the Friar….

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What do you call a girl

who keeps disappearing?

Heidi.

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I’ve just paid $10 for a 19th century painting

of a cow from the local charity shop.

I think it might be Art Mooveau.

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What do you call

a Muslim doctor?

Amed.

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My dentist has accused me

of non-cooperation during appointments.

I’m keeping my mouth shut.

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Having considered buying a couple of

calves at a livestock auction for $200,

I ended up purchasing two lambs for $100

which were sheep at half the price

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I thought it was weird when my friend

told me he’d fallen in love with a puppet.

Now he’s planning on marionette.

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I only enjoy carbonated drinks..

Soda speak.

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My wife said if I took one more

picture of her she’d leave me.

That’s when I snapped.

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What’s better than

a cake on the table?

A tart on the floor.

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Our identical twins are impossible to tell apart.

They even wear the same aftershave.

Well, it’s not so much aftershave,

it’s more like Eau de Clone.

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My friend got me a poster of my

favourite 70’s Glam Rock band.

Sweet!

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Did You Know? – A Foolish Fact Filled Tuesday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A foolish fact filled Tuesday?

I don’t know about that, but it is April Fool’s Day so anything is possible.

Nevertheless I hope there are at least a few things of interest in this lot.

Enjoy.

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Will Smith is now older than Uncle Phil

was at the beginning of “The Fresh Prince.”

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There are more than 1,700 references to gems and

precious stones in the King James translation of the Bible.

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Turning a clock’s hands counterclockwise

while setting it is not necessarily harmful.

It is only damaging when the timepiece

contains a chiming mechanism.

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Cleopatra lived closer to the building

of Pizza Hut than the pyramids.

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Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush

be kept at least 6 feet (2 m) away from a toilet

to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

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South Africa has 11 official languages

– the most for a single country.

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The US has no official language.

(Comprende?)

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The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929;

“7” was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces.

“UP” indicated the direction of the bubbles.

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The highest point in Pennsylvania

is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

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France was still executing people by guillotine

when Star Wars came out.

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The earliest recorded case

of a man giving up smoking was on April 5, 1679,

when Johan Katsu, Sheriff of Turku, Finland, wrote in his diary

“I quit smoking tobacco.”

He died one month later.

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“Goodbye” came from “God bye”

which came from “God be with you.”

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Charlie Brown’s father was a barber.

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Every continent begins and ends in the same letter.

(I bet you never noticed that.)

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Every continent has a city called Rome.

(I bet you never noticed that either.)

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