Fact File Fun Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Fact file fun facts it says and fact file fun facts they are.

As random as ever, you’re sure to find something that you didn’t know before.

Enjoy.

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did you know 4

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A shrimp can swim backwards.

shrimp

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Kathleen Casey-Kirschling of Philadelphia

was born at 12:00:01 A.M., Eastern time, on January 1st, 1946.

This not only made her the first child born in the United States that year,

but also made her the first “Baby Boomer.”

first boomer Kathleen Casey-Kirschling 

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At 6000 degrees Kelvin,

the surface of the Sun is actually one of its coolest spots.

Both the Sun’s interior and its corona

measure in the millions of degrees Kelvin.

sun

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Sir Isaac Newton was only 23 years old

when he discovered the law of universal gravitation.

Sir Isaac Newton

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When Burger King decided to sell fast-food Down Under,

they found that there was already a local carry-out restaurant called “Burger King.”

As a result, if you’re looking for a Whopper in Australia today,

you’ll have to go to a chain called “Hungry Jack’s.”

hungry_jack__s_updated__by_tectris

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More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones.

blue toothbrush

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If you combine the electoral college results

of the ’80 and ’84 elections, Reagan won 1014-62.

reagan-mondale-1984-electoral-college-map

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In the United States the two-digit Interstate numbers

are designed to let drivers know the general direction of the highway.

If the Interstate has an odd number, it runs north-south.

Interstates with even numbers run east-west.

interstate sign

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More people are afraid of open spaces (kenophobia)

than of tight spaces (claustrophobia).

confined_space_caution_sign_2__77519

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Goosebumps are actually caused by a muscle.

It is called the arrector pili muscle.

Doesn’t knowing that give you…

I mean, stimulate your arrector pili muscle?

goosebumps

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The word “samba” means “to rub navels together.”

samba

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Paul Hunn holds the record for the loudest burp,

which was 118.1 decibels, which is as loud as a chainsaw

Paul Hunn burp

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All dogs are the same species, meaning that

(notwithstanding the obvious physical challenge)

a Chihuahua and a St. Bernard could procreate.

Louisville Fall Festival Dog Show

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Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin

were born on the exact same day.

darwin-vs-lincoln

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The Chicago River used to flow into Lake Michigan,

but the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers switched it to flow backwards,

AWAY from the lake, for sanitation purposes.

Chicago River

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Swedish pop sensations ABBA had to negotiate the rights

to their name with a canned fish company.

Abba

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In the 16th century, gin was referred to as “mother’s ruin”

because people thought it could induce an abortion.

gin-and-tonic

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The Neanderthal’s brain was actually

bigger than yours is, not smaller.

Neanderthal

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The area where Washington, D.C., now stands

was originally a mosquito-infested swamp.

It took years to drain and clear the land before the

nation’s government was moved to the city in 1800.

washignton-dc

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William Wrigley originally started in the baking powder business.

With his powder, he gave a free pack of his gum.

He later abandoned the baking powder business

when he learned that people were buying it just to get the gum.

william_wrigley_jr_1891

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One For The Rod

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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How about a short story of love, betrayal, and revenge to end the week?

Enjoy.

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The divorce had just become final and she was preparing to remove all her remaining belongings from what had been “their” house.

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light. She put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods.

Then she cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, her ex-husband came back to the house with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

smellyhouse2

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days.

In the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

smellyhouse1

Finally, the ex and his new girl couldn’t take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move.

But a month later – even though they’d cut their price in half – they couldn’t find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to buy a new place.

It was then that she called her ex-husband and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

He was so desperate to get rid of the unsaleable house, that he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth.

And because he knew she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he wasn’t going to give her any time to visit the place again.

The deal was good only if she would sign the papers that very day!

She agreed.

Within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork which she duly signed.

A week later her ex-husband and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home…….

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……and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods too!

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Aren’t happy endings just great?

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CLASSIFIED: For your Eyes Only, Part Twenty-Two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another short selection of some of the silliest classified ads ever made.

How the people who constructed these didn’t see anything wrong with them I just don’t know. They obviously were reading what was in their head, not what was written down in front of them.

Still, it wasn’t a total waste of time. It’s given us something to smile about.

Enjoy.

PS: John, if you are reading this, there’s one of these suspiciously like the photo you use 🙂

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classad_supporttheneedy

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classad_thankyoucard

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classad_the3es

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classad_throwsknifeatpastor

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classad_tireswing

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classad_Titaniccanoerental

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classad_toiletpaperdemo

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classad_toyyodablackandwhite

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classad_turketshoot

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classad_urinatedchicken

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classad_takebullbytheballs

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classad_Susiechangedhershirt
I do believe she has changed her shirt!

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Sixteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another edition of the classified ads. Those advertisements that didn’t quite turn out as planned in the minds of those who devised them.

The first one reminded me of a small take-away Chinese establishment in a town near where I used to live. A friend and I stopped off there on the way home from work one evening, both of us hungry but not wanting to waste the time going for a sit-down meal.

We ordered our food and all went well. The take-away had an excellent reputation for producing good food and it was always very busy.

Sure enough after about ten minutes or so our ticket was called and I went up to the counter to collect.

It wasn’t the usual girl on duty that evening, but a small rather elderly Chinese lady.

Had it been the usual girl she would have known to pack some utensils, like a plastic fork, in the bag, but instead the little Chinese lady looked up into my face and asked in a heavily accented but loud voice for all to hear,

“D’ya wanna fok?”

There was momentary silence, no one quite knowing what they thought they had heard. Then my mouth got in the way of good sense and I said, “No thanks, I’m just in to get something to eat.”

Then everyone laughed and I made my way out of the place before any further conversation or explanation.

As it turns out the joke was on me in the end because I left without getting a ‘fok’ so the meal had to wait until I got home.

So that by way of anecdotal introduction leads us nicely to today’s classifieds.

Enjoy!

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classad_FuKingRestaurant

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classad_freegolf

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classad_freewith20beers.

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classad_engrish.

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classad_enjoyfreshesticecream

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classad_freeeye.

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classad_freshmadeshrimpthing.

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classad_frodfocus.

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classad_frozenicecubes.

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classad_fullycookedsushi.

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classad_Genuine20percentFaux.

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classad_getnewgasgrill.

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classad_grilledchickenandherpes.

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classad_groundgeef.

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classad_guidedogbarbeque.

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classad_girlwithlegsoppositebody.

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It’s Another Word Play Day, So Time For Some More Puns

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few more bad jokes wrapped up as puns. I am slightly amazed, but also pleased, that the puns have been received so well by most readers. So it wasn’t only me!  

Enjoy.

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Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn’t know how to conduct itself.

 

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When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.      

 

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The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

 

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The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.       

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Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.

 

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A noun and a verb were dating but they broke up because the noun was too possessive.

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I didn’t want to buy leather shoes, but eventually I was suede.

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For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.           

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A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 

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I just got my permit to harvest shrimp in the Antarctic. Now I have a licence to Krill.

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I don’t think I need a spine. It’s holding me back.           

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What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re so pointless.

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Old colanders never die, they just can’t take the strain anymore.

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I probably have blind spots, but I don’t see them.

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After winter, the trees are relieved.

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Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder.

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The shareholders of a compass manufacturer were concerned that the company wasn’t heading in the right direction.

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I’m bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.

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The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.

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The proctologist reassured the patient that his condition could be rectified.

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