“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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I may be having difficulty understanding the point of decimals, but I understand the point of a good pun or two.
Hope you do too.
Here is the latest word play selection for you enjoyment.
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I just found a note that says “Dial-a-Party” and a phone number.
I believe this calls for a celebration.
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Went to a 70’s disco the other night.
Bought all sorts of cool gear too; platform boots,
brightly coloured flares, an afro wig…
But in retro specs I looked a twat.
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Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma.
There’s no menu, they just give you what you deserve.
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I’m an avid campaigner for the preservation of endangered animals.
You should taste my panda jam.
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My friend’s always boasting how he once had to
shuffle 52 packs of cards and
then distribute them equally between 4 people.
Big deal.
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You know who I can’t stand?
Intolerant people.
Bastards!
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I had some time to kill yesterday.
So I went round to the mother-in-law’s.
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One by one, all of my best friends have started
to become interested in men as well as women.
So I’m just sitting here, watching the world go bi.
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My wife has just texted me asking me to ‘do her’ tonight.
I’m not looking forward to it, I’m useless at impressions.
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I was taking the freeway out of LA the other day
when the cops pulled me over and said:
‘Put it back’.
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Guy #1: “I call my girlfriend ‘Miss Universe’.”
Guy #2: “Is it because she’s so beautiful?”
Guy #1: “No it’s ’cause she’s constantly expanding, the fat cow!”
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I used to keep poking myself in my eyes,
but don’t worry,
I can’t see myself doing it again.
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Archaeologists have just discovered
an ancient Egyptian ruler embalmed in chocolate.
Apparently it was Pharaoh Rocher.
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My tailor has stitched the bottom
of my trousers the wrong way around.
Meh.
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I pulled a cracker last Christmas.
There’s a joke in there somewhere.
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Can anybody tell me where Jeopardy is?
Apparently there’s 1000s of jobs there.
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My teacher handed me a blank piece of white paper.
“Make a paper plane,” she said.
“It already is,” I said.
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My opinion on fishmongers?
Selfish.
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My friend just showed me a picture of his new girlfriend,
who he says is from Eastern Europe.
I looked at the picture and said
‘she looks nothing like a frog.’
‘What are you on about?’ He said.
‘I told you she’s a Tad-Polish.’
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I think my mum is going senile.
I just told her that my girlfriend is pregnant with my daughter.
She asked me, “Do you have a name?”
I said, “I’ve always had a name, for goodness sake, it’s me, David.”
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fasab 