Ugh, Communism Just Has No Class.

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Communism may have no class but clever word play certainly does.

That’s our cue for another Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

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I’m against picketing,

but I don’t know how to show it.

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I saw a man walking along the street

with a t-shirt that said ‘Free Hugs’.

I don’t know who ‘Hugs’ is,

but I’m sure they should release him.

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I went for a job interview at 

my local sandwich shop today.

As an aptitude test, the shop owner

asked me to make a beef sandwich

using only a spoon.

Unfortunately I didn’t get the job

– I couldn’t cut the mustard.

 

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A committee is a group of people

who keep minutes and lose hours.

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I was given the sack at work last month.

I suppose you have to expect that

when you play Santa Clause.

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I can’t speak for anyone else,

but I think I’m a terrible ventriloquist.

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My girlfriend talked me into putting

table salt into my bath today.

I think I’ve been brine washed.

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I saw a strange white bear at the zoo today.

It was mating with a female bear then it

suddenly it tried mating with a male bear.

I think it’s Bi Polar.

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Never employ someone who’s obsessed with graphs.

They’ll always be plotting behind your back.

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I got a real telling off yesterday

when we were visiting grandma.

She has a very hairy upper lip

and when we were leaving, she asked

me why I wouldn’t kiss her good bye.

Apparently my answer, “Sorry, must-dash,”

wasn’t the best choice of words.

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How does an angry Muslim close a door?

Islams it.

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I’ve just seen a sign in the post office that said

“Stamps sold by the book”.

It’s good to know that someone follows the rules.

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I decided to open an

exclusive hotel and casino

for people who have epilepsy.

It’s called Seizure’s Palace.

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I went to the pet shop to buy some breeding birds.

The cashier said, “Have you got a store card?”

I said, “No but I did get a budgie excited once.”

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My friend has just rung to say

he’s bought a bubble car.

He’s going to pop round in it later.

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Word Play? Bad Jokes? Whatever you call them they’re Still Pun To Me

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few more puns to make you laugh or groan.

Enjoy them if you can.

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The cannibal was so nervous he threw up his hands

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He said I was average – but he was just being mean.

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I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

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Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.    

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The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner – there were strings attached.

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Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you. 

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We never got the tent up because of all the missed stakes we had.

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The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.

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I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.

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Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

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We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

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I once thought about cloning a new, more efficient brain, but then I realized that I was getting a head of myself.

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If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.        

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Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can’t croak.         

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The police arrested two kids yesterday, one for drinking battery acid and the other one for eating fireworks. They charged one but let the other one off.

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Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

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A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.          

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And finally,

 

Did you know that Macy’s have a contractual obligation to hire an unemployed man every November and December to play Father Christmas? It’s known as the Santa clause.

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