Ebay Accounts Are Forbidden.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Sadly WordPress doesn’t let you bid on these posts either. I wonder why not?

Still, never mind, we have another Pun Day to look forward too now.

So….

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

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WANTED:

Assistant required to fill

hourglasses with sand.

No timewasters.

 hourglasses

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When bakers have a fight

They go at it all Buns Glazing.

 bakers fight buns

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My friend is really interested in magnets.

Personally, I can’t see the attraction.

 magnets

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Some bloke just barged into my caravan

accusing me of being the world’s worst psychic.

I don’t know what he was thinking.

 world's worst psychic

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I entered a cartoonist competition today,

there were five of us in it,

we drew..

 cartoonist drawing

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How do trespassers get in your house?

Intruder window.

 Intruder window

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This morning a beautiful blonde

came up to me in the street

and wrote her phone number on my hand

in bright yellow felt tip pen…

… It was the highlight of my day !

 bright yellow felt tip pen

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I gave my son a faceless coin.

He couldn’t make head nor tails of it.

 faceless coin

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If I see one more person misuse an apostrophe

I think Ill go completely nut’s !

 misuse an apostrophe

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I am permanently hooked up to a device

which gives me an electric shock

if I say something negative.

It’s not ideal, but I can’t complain

 electric shock

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I’ve noticed that chess players

always close the door behind them

Do you think they don’t like draughts?

 chess game thomas crown affair

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Somebody closed the lid on my piano.

Now i can’t open it because the keys are inside.

 closed lid on piano

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My friend has just directed his

own under-budget documentary,

“Living with the World’s Smallest Bath”.

I thought I’d give him a little plug.

 little plug

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You can tell the sex of an ant

by dropping it into a jug of water.

If it sinks: girl ant

If it floats: boy ant

 jug of water

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The number of people who shout

“Boo!”

to their friends has risen by 85%.

That’s a frightening statistic.

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Maine, Minnesota and Missouri? – It Must Be Fasab Fact Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes it is fasab fact day. Another random selection of interesting things, some of which you may know some you may not.

The only way you will find out is by taking a look.

Enjoy.

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did you know5

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Maine is the only state that

borders on only one state.

Maine map

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The only person ever to decline a Pulitzer Prize for Fiction

was Sinclair Lewis for his book Arrowsmith.

Sinclair Lewis Arrowsmith

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Michigan was the first state to plow it’s roads

and the first to adopt a yellow dividing line.

Michigan road with yellow line

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The word ‘byte’ is a contraction of ‘by eight.’

byte

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The roads on the island of Guam are made with coral.

Guam has no sand. The sand on the beaches is actually ground coral.

When concrete is mixed, the coral sand is used instead of

importing regular sand from thousands of miles away.

roads on the island of Guam

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The shortest verse in the Bible

is “Jesus wept.” John 11:35

John 11.35

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Zaire is the world leader in cobalt mining,

producing two-thirds of the world’s cobalt supply.

cobalt mining Zaire

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The St. Louis Gateway Arch had a

projected death toll while it was being built.

No one died.

missouri-st-louis-gateway-arch

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Vincent Van Gogh comitted suicide

while painting Wheat Field with Crows.

Wheat Field with Crows

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Jelly Belly jelly beans were the first jelly beans in outer space

when they went up with astronauts in the June 21, 1983 voyage

of the space shuttle Challenger

(the same voyage as the first American woman in space, Sally Ride).

Jelly Belly jelly beans

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A flea expert is a pullicologist.

pullicologist

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The Dodge brothers Horace and John were Jewish,

that’s why the first Dodge emblem had a star of David in it.

first Dodge emblem

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Ham radio operators got the term “ham”

coined from the expression “ham-fisted operators”,

a term used to describe early radio users who sent Morse code

(i.e. pounded their fists).

Ham radio operators

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The word “hangnail” comes from Middle English:

ang- (painful) + nail. Nothing to do with hanging.

hangnail

 

 

It’s almost hard to believe it,

but the quintessential Tom Hanks role

as Forrest Gump was initially offered to

John Travolta who declined to take part in the film.

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A Different Sort Of Quiz Today

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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To give you a bit of a break from the normal quiz day – yes, I’m still watching the World Cup football and the final was yesterday. Well done Germany, commiserations Argentina. 

So instead here is one taken by other people.

Twenty questions from a SAT Science Exam and, as well as being amusing, it is also a good commentary on  the state of the education system these days.

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Quiz 03

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Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

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Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

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Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

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Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

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Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?

A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

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Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

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Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

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Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

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Q: What is artificial insemination?

A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

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Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

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Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g., abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

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Q: What is the Fibula?

A: A small lie.

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Q: What does “varicose” mean?

A: Nearby.

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Q: What is the most common form of birth control?

A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

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Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”

A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

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Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.

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Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport

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Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

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Q: What does the word “benign” mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

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Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

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Jobs Blow For Sex Workers

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Thought it was safe?

Sorry, pun day again folks.

Enjoy!

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Deja Moo:

The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

deja-moo

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I’m not a complete idiot

Some parts are just missing.

I'm not a complete idiot

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The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

gene pool could use a little chlorine

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A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Old Coots Hangover The Wrath Of Grapes

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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:

“A beer please, and one for the road.”

One-for-the-road

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Did you hear about the butcher backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.

a little behind in his work

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She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg,

but broke it off.

boyfriend with a wooden leg

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Without geometry, life is pointless.

without geometry

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Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Baker_Kneading_Dough

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I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

blanket-blanket-factory-folded-pun

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Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

cartoon_condom

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Dockyard:

A physician’s garden.

physician's garden

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A guy was confused about why the doctors had amputated his arms and legs.

In fact he was stumped.

amputated his arms

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A man wakes up on a deserted island

only to find that the sun, sand and sea are all purple.

He cried: “Oh no, I’ve been marooned!”

marooned

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Men need to stop telling jokes about women’s menstrual cycle!

Period.

women's menstrual cycle

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My girlfriend said that she’s leaving me,

because of my constant grass related puns.

I told her to sod off.

sod

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My wife gave me a lecture about

my obsession with mythical creature puns.

It didn’t half Dragon.

dragon

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A nine-year-old lad walks into a pub and yells at the barmaid for a Scotch on the rocks.

‘Do you want to get me into trouble?’ she replies.

‘Maybe later,’ says the boy, ‘but now I just want a drink’.

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