Not Even A Sausage.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We’ve talked about stupid criminals on the fasab blog before and if there was a competition to find the stupidest I think it would be a pretty difficult task.

However, having said that, on the short list would have to be 55-year-old Tempe resident Harry Williams.

You see according to court documents (yes, obviously this master criminal was caught) Williams first tried to rob an Ace Hardware store that was within walking distance of his house.

Having entered the store he put his hand under his shirt, announced to the cashier that he had a gun, and demanded all the money in the cash register.

Williams’ “hand under his shirt thing” must have looked so much like a gun that the employee told him he did not have any money in the register and was not going to give him any money even if he did.

With that, Williams demanded that the cashier open the register to prove he didn’t have any money.

The cashier said “No,” and Williams left.

However still determined to steal something, Williams ran across the road, and into a Safeway store.

Again, he tried to convince a cashier that he was committing a robbery. But, again, nobody was buying his routine.

Williams was summarily escorted out of the building, empty handed again.

But he wasn’t finished yet. That’s how stupid he was.

He waited a few minutes and then sneaked back into the same Safeway store where everybody had already seen him, stuffed a lone sausage in his pants, and sneaked back out.

Police found Williams shortly afterwards and discovered that, as well as the stolen sausage,  he actually did have a 4- or 5-inch knife in his pocket, which he hadn’t thought of using, preferring his non-existent gun instead.

Although Williams was initially booked on charges of attempted armed robbery for using a simulated weapon, the charges were reduced to that of attempted robbery and shoplifting. 

And he made our dumb criminals shortlist! Go Harry!!!

dumb criminal harry williams

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