Political Jokes!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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No, this isn’t a list of the names of the members of the HoR or the Senate, or even the Obama administration, although I see why you would have jumped to that conclusion.

I thought I would try to lighten the mood for the weekend by posting some of the political jokes that made me smile.

Hope they have the same effect on you.

Enjoy.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common:

they should both be changed regularly…

and for the same reason.

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Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new ‘Obama Value Meal’?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

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Q: How many politicians does

it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: one to change it and

another one to change it back again.

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.stupid face 01

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Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?

A: Your Honor.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

A: Senator.

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We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope.

Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.

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The recession is getting so bad,

the bank sent me a new type of credit card.

It was pre-declined.

.stupid face 02

 

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It was so cold in Washington today,

I saw a Democrat who had his hands in his own pockets!

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I is very proud dat I went 2 school in da UK.

I fink out of all 17 countries in da world UK is da best.

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When they call the roll in the Senate,

the Senators do not know whether to answer

‘Present’ or ‘Not guilty.’ 

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.stupid face 07Today’s public figures can no longer

Today’s public figures can no longer

write their own speeches or books,

and there is some evidence

that they can’t read them either. 

(Gore Vidal.)

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‘Politics is the art of looking for trouble,

finding it whether it exists or not,

diagnosing it incorrectly,

and applying the wrong remedy’.

(Ernest Benn.)

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‘Politicians are the same all over.

They promise to build bridges,

even where there are no rivers’.

(Nikita Kruschchev.)

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stupid face 05

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I just hope our next world war isn’t with China.

Who would make uniforms for the troops?

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The Iranian leader has left

on a tour of friendly countries.

He’s expected home tomorrow.

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Foreign Aid :

Poor people in a rich country

sending money to

rich people in a poor country.

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stupid face 06

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I rarely speak to Obama supporters,

but when I do….

I ask for large fries.

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Obama: “Here we are, two black presidents.”

Mandela: “You’re not very black.”

Obama: “I’ve not been to jail.”

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President Obama met Bill Clinton for lunch.

“I was sorry to hear about Hillary’s concussion,”

Obama said. “How’s her head?”

“It’s fine,” Bill replied.

“But she’s no Monica.”

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stupid_391615

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My computer crashed earlier and I lost all my files,

Luckily the NSA has a back up…

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Stop repeat offenders.

Don’t re-elect them!

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Democracy:

A political system where

any two idiots outvote a genius.

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stupid face 03

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How many Feminists does

it take to change a lightbulb?

Two.

One to get a man to change it,

and the other to criticize men for inventing it.

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Spin doctors:

People who never call a spade a spade.

They proclaim it as a ground-breaking innovation.

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Politicians should serve two terms.

One in office, one in prison.

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stupid face 08

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No matter who you vote for

the government always seems to get in.

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Definition of an elephant:

A mouse built to government specifications.

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The word ‘politics’ is derived from

the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’,

and the word ‘ticks’,

meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.

(Larry Hardiman.)

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Fact File Fun Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Fact file fun facts it says and fact file fun facts they are.

As random as ever, you’re sure to find something that you didn’t know before.

Enjoy.

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did you know 4

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A shrimp can swim backwards.

shrimp

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Kathleen Casey-Kirschling of Philadelphia

was born at 12:00:01 A.M., Eastern time, on January 1st, 1946.

This not only made her the first child born in the United States that year,

but also made her the first “Baby Boomer.”

first boomer Kathleen Casey-Kirschling 

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At 6000 degrees Kelvin,

the surface of the Sun is actually one of its coolest spots.

Both the Sun’s interior and its corona

measure in the millions of degrees Kelvin.

sun

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Sir Isaac Newton was only 23 years old

when he discovered the law of universal gravitation.

Sir Isaac Newton

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When Burger King decided to sell fast-food Down Under,

they found that there was already a local carry-out restaurant called “Burger King.”

As a result, if you’re looking for a Whopper in Australia today,

you’ll have to go to a chain called “Hungry Jack’s.”

hungry_jack__s_updated__by_tectris

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More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones.

blue toothbrush

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If you combine the electoral college results

of the ’80 and ’84 elections, Reagan won 1014-62.

reagan-mondale-1984-electoral-college-map

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In the United States the two-digit Interstate numbers

are designed to let drivers know the general direction of the highway.

If the Interstate has an odd number, it runs north-south.

Interstates with even numbers run east-west.

interstate sign

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More people are afraid of open spaces (kenophobia)

than of tight spaces (claustrophobia).

confined_space_caution_sign_2__77519

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Goosebumps are actually caused by a muscle.

It is called the arrector pili muscle.

Doesn’t knowing that give you…

I mean, stimulate your arrector pili muscle?

goosebumps

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The word “samba” means “to rub navels together.”

samba

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Paul Hunn holds the record for the loudest burp,

which was 118.1 decibels, which is as loud as a chainsaw

Paul Hunn burp

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All dogs are the same species, meaning that

(notwithstanding the obvious physical challenge)

a Chihuahua and a St. Bernard could procreate.

Louisville Fall Festival Dog Show

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Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin

were born on the exact same day.

darwin-vs-lincoln

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The Chicago River used to flow into Lake Michigan,

but the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers switched it to flow backwards,

AWAY from the lake, for sanitation purposes.

Chicago River

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Swedish pop sensations ABBA had to negotiate the rights

to their name with a canned fish company.

Abba

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In the 16th century, gin was referred to as “mother’s ruin”

because people thought it could induce an abortion.

gin-and-tonic

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The Neanderthal’s brain was actually

bigger than yours is, not smaller.

Neanderthal

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The area where Washington, D.C., now stands

was originally a mosquito-infested swamp.

It took years to drain and clear the land before the

nation’s government was moved to the city in 1800.

washignton-dc

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William Wrigley originally started in the baking powder business.

With his powder, he gave a free pack of his gum.

He later abandoned the baking powder business

when he learned that people were buying it just to get the gum.

william_wrigley_jr_1891

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