Maths Puns Are The First Sine Of Madness.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


I wonder what the second sine is?

But let’s not go off at a tangent.

Let’s just enjoy another Pun Day instead.




The first rule of Innuendo Club is

you can only enter via the back door.

 please use back door



I’ve been sitting here all day trying to

think of anagrams of the word ‘wired’

but I can only think of one.

Which is weird.






This morning my physiotherapist

tapped my knee with a plastic hammer

and made my leg jerk.

The nerve.

 knee tapped with a plastic hammer



Are people who believe in

ghosts very ghoulable?




No matter how much you push the envelope,

it’ll still be stationery.

 push the envelope



My friend was arrested for drunk driving

on a motorized shopping cart at WalMart.

Apparently he led the police on a chase

that reached 90 aisles per hour.

 motorized shopping cart



“All you ever talk about is golf!”

My wife shouted.

“Golf, golf and more bloody golf!”

“Calm down love,” I said.

“Don’t let this driver wedge between us.”




I went to buy pork chops and told

the butcher to make them lean.

He said, ‘Which way?’

 pork chops cartoon



Many scientists agree the only way to solve

the planet’s worsening energy crisis

is for the whole world to convert to solar power.

That’s not going to happen overnight.

 solar power



I was the first person to install trampolines

in musician’s tour buses and now

everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.




I said to my blind date, “I actually take

a plane to work and back every single day.”

“Wow, you must be wealthy.” She said.

“Everything but,” I replied,

“I’m just a carpenter.”

 carpenter's plane



I bumped into the guy

who invented the globe.

It’s a small world.




Why did the poet kill himself

by walking into the road?

Because he thought there

was nothing left to right.

 walking into the road



I never thought I’d buy into Feng Shui.

But oh how the tables have turned.




I was in a music group

called ‘Illegal imports’.

We were a contraband.





Puns For The Educated Mind

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


According to the dictionary, a pun is the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications, or the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning; a play on words.

I like puns. Sometimes they can be quite clever and humorous. At other times they can lead to an excruciatingly bad joke, although the worse they are the funnier they seem to be. Strange thing humor. 

I have a load of examples in the archives. Here are some to give you a taste of what may be in store.

Enjoy, (I hope)…



The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.



I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,

but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



She was only a whiskey maker,

but he loved her still.



No matter how much you push the envelope,

it’ll still be stationery.



Would a grenade thrown into a kitchen in France result in

Linoleum Blownapart?



Two silk worms had a race.

They ended up in a tie.



A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.



Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.



Apparently Mitt Romney donated the entirety of his inheritance from his father to the Brigham Young University. Is this guy a Moron?


Mitt Romney and Charles Montgomery Burns
Mitt Romney and Charles Montgomery Burns


Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”



I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me.



A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:

“Keep off the Grass.”



The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison

was a small medium at large.



The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray

is now a seasoned veteran.



A backward poet writes inverse.



In a democracy it’s your vote that counts…

In feudalism it’s your count that votes.



When cannibals ate a missionary,

did they get a taste of religion?



If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,

you’d be in Seine.



A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess looks at him and says,

“I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion per passenger.”



Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.



Two hydrogen atoms meet.

One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”

The other says, “Are you sure?” 

The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”