People Who Have Bluetooth Handsets Need A Clip Round The Ear.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I’m tempted to say that you need a clip round the ear if you don’t like puns, but I know you do.

Why else would you be here?

Unless it’s for pun-ishment.

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

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Why are photographers always so depressed?

Because they always focus on the negatives.

 photographers

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I bought a flea circus yesterday,

but one of them won’t go on the high wire.

It’s a nervous tick.

 flea circus

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I played in a football match

that ended in a 2-2 draw.

No 1-1

 football match

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I don’t mind doing crosswords,

but dot to dot puzzles are where I draw the line.

 crosswords

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What do you call it when a prisoner

falls from the top of a building?

Condescending.

 prisoner

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I invented the upside down house.

It’s now a top cellar.

 upside down house

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To neigh or not to neigh.

That is equestrian.

 equestrian

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Support your local

search and rescue squad.

Get lost

 search and rescue

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Why did the Mafia boss cross the road?

Revenge!

The road had crossed him the week before.

 Mafia boss

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My uncle slipped on some beans last week.

If only he had the benefit of Heinz sight.

 baked beans

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I took my dog to a car showroom today.

I turned to him and said,

“They have an interesting Range Rover.”

 Range Rover car showroom

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If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end,

someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them,

five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

queue of cars

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It’s Easter Monday – Er… Make That The Easter Monday Quiz.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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An Easter themed quiz this Monday appropriately enough.

Most of the questions shouldn’t prove too difficult although there are a few in there that might be challenging.

I’ve included some multiple choice too to help the odds a bit.

Enjoy and good luck.

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Easter Quiz

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Q.  1:  Which Jewish religious event often coincides with Easter?

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Q.  2:  Who was the first person to see Jesus after his resurrection?

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Q.  3:  How long does Lent last for?

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Q.  4:  Egg-rolling is a traditional Easter event in seven countries. A point for each one you name correctly.  

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Q.  5:  How many disciples joined Jesus at the Last Supper?

            a) 10           b) 12          c) 14

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Q.  6:  What is the religious significance of the egg at Easter?

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Q.  7:  In the Christian calendar, what is the name given to the last Sunday before Easter?

            a) Palm Sunday           b) Pentecost           c) Whitsun

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Q.  8:  In which country is there a contemporary tradition of reading or watching murder mysteries at Easter?

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Q.  9:  Who starred in the movie Easter Parade?

           a) Judy Garland           b) Ginger Rogers           c) Elaine Paige

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Q. 10:  When the Roman Governor Pontius Pilate offered to release Jesus, which prisoner did the crowd demand was let go instead?

            a) Herod           b) Barabbas          c) Judas

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Q. 11:  Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote the score for which Easter-based musical?

            a) Evita           b) Jesus Christ Superstar            c) Cats Glenn

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Q. 12:  Which American island is named after rabbits?

            a) Coney Island           b) Staten Island           c) Long Island

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Q. 13:  In Bermuda, the ascent of Christ is symbolized by what?

            a)  Balloons            b)  Kites            c)  Doves            d)  Fireworks

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Q. 14:  What buns do people traditionally eat at Easter?

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Q. 15:  What is the name of the disciple who betrayed Jesus and what did he receive as payment?  (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 16:  What does Mardi Gras have to do with Easter?

            a)  Mardi Gras is the first day of Lent           

            b)  Mardi Gras is the last day to indulge before Lent.

            c)  Mardi Gras has nothing to do with Easter.

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Q. 17:  What does the period of Lent symbolize?

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Q. 18:  Which British gangster film stars Bob Hoskins and Helen Mirren?

            a) The Long Easter Monday   b) The Long Easter Sunday   c) The Long Good Friday

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Q. 19:  The word ‘quarantine’ literally means ’40 days’. When Neil Armstrong went into quarantine after returning from the Moon, which musical instrument did he take with him?

            a) Penny whistle          b) Banjo          c) Ukulele          d) Hammond organ

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Q. 20:  “I am the eggman” is a lyric from which song by The Beatles?

            a) Paperback Writer           b) I Am The Walrus           c) Hey Jude

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Which Jewish religious event often coincides with Easter?

A.  1:  Passover.

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Q.  2:  Who was the first person to see Jesus after his resurrection?

A.  2:  Mary Magdalene.

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Q.  3:  How long does Lent last for?

A.  3:  40 days.

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Q.  4:  Egg-rolling is a traditional Easter event in seven countries. A point for each one you name correctly.  

A.  4:  US, UK, Germany, Denmark, Netherlands, Lithuania, and Egypt.

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Q.  5:  How many disciples joined Jesus at the Last Supper?

            a) 10           b) 12           c) 14

A.  5:  b) 12.         

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Q.  6:  What is the religious significance of the egg at Easter?

A.  6:  It represents the tomb Jesus rose from.

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Q.  7:  In the Christian calendar, what is the name given to the last Sunday before Easter?

            a) Palm Sunday           b) Pentecost           c) Whitsun

A.  7:  a) Palm Sunday.

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Q.  8:  In which country is there a contemporary tradition of reading or watching murder mysteries at Easter?

A.  8:  Norway.

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Q.  9:  Who starred in the movie Easter Parade?

           a) Judy Garland           b) Ginger Rogers           c) Elaine Paige

A.  9:  a) Judy Garland.

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Q. 10:  When the Roman Governor Pontius Pilate offered to release Jesus, which prisoner did the crowd demand was let go instead?

            a) Herod           b) Barabbas            c) Judas

A. 10:  b) Barabbas.         

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Q. 11:  Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote the score for which Easter-based musical?

            a) Evita           b) Jesus Christ Superstar            c) Cats Glenn

A. 11:  b) Jesus Christ Superstar.

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Q. 12:  Which American island is named after rabbits?

            a) Coney Island           b) Staten Island           c) Long Island

A. 12:  a) Coney Island.

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Q. 13:  In Bermuda, the ascent of Christ is symbolized by what?

            a)  Balloons            b)  Kites            c)  Doves            d)  Fireworks

A. 13:  b) Kites.

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Q. 14:  What buns do people traditionally eat at Easter?

A. 14:  Hot cross buns.

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Q. 15:  What is the name of the disciple who betrayed Jesus and what did he receive as payment?  (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 15:  Judas Iscariot,  and he received 30 pieces of silver.

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Q. 16:  What does Mardi Gras have to do with Easter?

            a)  Mardi Gras is the first day of Lent           

            b)  Mardi Gras is the last day to indulge before Lent.

            c)  Mardi Gras has nothing to do with Easter.

A. 16:  Answer b) Mardi Gras is the last day to indulge before Lent.

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Q. 17:  What does the period of Lent symbolize?

A. 17:  Jesus’s time in the wilderness.

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Q. 18:  Which British gangster film stars Bob Hoskins and Helen Mirren?

            a) The Long Easter Monday   b) The Long Easter Sunday   c) The Long Good Friday

A. 18:  c) The Long Good Friday.

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Q. 19:  The word ‘quarantine’ literally means ’40 days’. When Neil Armstrong went into quarantine after returning from the Moon, which musical instrument did he take with him?

            a) Penny whistle          b) Banjo          c) Ukulele          d) Hammond organ

A. 19:  He took c) a Ukulele.

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Q. 20:  “I am the eggman” is a lyric from which song by The Beatles?

            a) Paperback Writer           b) I Am The Walrus           c) Hey Jude

A. 20:  b) I Am The Walrus.

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Jeremiah Denton.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Jeremiah Denton died today.

He was 89 years old.

He was also a Senator for Alabama, but that’s not why he is the subject of this post, after all we don’t hold politicians in very high regard here.

Jeremiah Denton

No, Jeremiah Denton is being remembered for his time in service in the Navy, and mostly because of the period he spent as a Prisoner Of War courtesy of the North Vietnamese.

In all he spent almost eight years as a POW in North Vietnam (four of them in solitary confinement). He later wrote a book about his experiences, which in turn became a movie.

At the time Denton was US Naval Aviator and was the Commanding Officer of Attack Squadron Seventy-Five aboard the aircraft carrier USS Independence.

On 18 July 1965, while he and Lieutenant Bill Tschudy, his navigator/bombardier, were leading twenty-eight planes on a bombing mission, their jet was hit by enemy fire and the two men ejected over the city of Thanh Hoa in North Vietnam, where they were captured and taken prisoner by the North Vietnamese.

Denton is best known for a 1966 televised press conference in which he was forced to participate as an American POW by his North Vietnamese captors.

During the press conference Denton had the presence of mind to use the opportunity to send a coded message confirming for the first time to the U.S. Office of Naval Intelligence and Americans that American POWs were being tortured in North Vietnam.

To send his message Denton repeatedly blinked his eyes in Morse code during the interview, spelling out the word, “T-O-R-T-U-R-E”.

He was also questioned about his support for the U.S. war in Vietnam, to which he replied: “I don’t know what is happening, but whatever the position of my government is, I support it fully. Whatever the position of my government, I believe in it, yes sir. I am a member of that government, and it is my job to support it, and I will as long as I live.”

jeremiah-denton-captive

While a prisoner, he was promoted to the rank of Captain. Denton was later awarded the Navy Cross and several other decorations, mostly for heroism while a prisoner of war.

These days loyalty and initiative are not as valued as they once were, or as they should be. Anyone who had such values during their lifetime is worth remembering.

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For those interested you can read more on Wikipedia or do a search on Google.

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Punitive, Punishing, Or Just Punny? – Here Are Some More Puns

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

Another excuse for more bad jokes using the cover of some clever word plays called puns.

Enjoy – if you can.

 

 

You didn’t hear about the three big holes in the ground?

Well, well, well.

 

 

Even a backward poet writes inverse.

 

 

It was raining cats and dogs.

There were poodles all over the road.

 

 

When chemists die, we barium.

 

 

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He’s all right now.

 

 

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang,

but eventually it came back to me.

 

 

I used to have a fear of hurdles,

but I got over it.

 

 

It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle,

he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

 

 

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

 

 

Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards:

their feet smell and their noses run.

 

 

Then there was the cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.

 

 

When a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?

 

 

Have you heard about that online origami store?

It folded.

 

 

A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period.

It marks the end of his sentence.

 

 

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends,

but what would be the point?

 

 

Atheists can’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

 

 

It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

 

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