It’s Hard To Explain How Good I Am At Describing Things!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But I can still describe today 

–  it’s Pun Day!

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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If you think you dream in color,

is it just a pigment of your imagination?

dreaming in color

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My boss fired me for complaining about the office escalator,

It didn’t go down well.

office escalator

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First guy: “What would you do if your son told you he was gay?”

Second guy: “I’d buy him a straight jacket.”

straight jacket

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Paddy goes for a job interview at a chemical factory.

The manager asks, “Have you worked with chemicals before?”

Paddy replies, “Yes.”

The manager then asks, “Can you tell me what nitrate is?”

Paddy replies, “Yes, it’s time and a half.”

job interview cartoon

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I was on holiday in the Alps

when I saw a sign saying ‘Ski Hire’.

So I went a bit further up the slope.

ski hire

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I’ve just bought a shire horse.

As if my other horse wasn’t shy enough.

shire horse

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I keep having recurring nightmares where

I’m in a hospital surrounded by loads of pregnant women.

Could I be going through a midwife crisis?

cartoon hospital

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I’ve just got a job testing hover boards.

The money’s not great,

but it keeps me off the streets.

hover boards

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Pirate cheerleaders have it easy.

“Give me an R!”…

Pirate cheerleaders

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A guy came up to me the other day and said,

“I’m a 3-5 stringed instrument of the harp family,

popular among nobles in medieval Europe.”

I said, “You’re a lyre!”

 

lyre

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It will be Google’s birthday soon.

They’re planning a search party.

Google’s birthday

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I went for a depression test.

Came back negative.

Oh, NO!

depression test

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I rang SeaWorld the other day,

because I wanted some information.

Before I got through to an employee,

I got a tape telling me

“This call may be recorded for training porpoises.”

training porpoises

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If someone asks you to

spell “Part A” backwards,

don’t do it.

It’s a trap……

a trap

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Steppenwolf was an assumed name.

He was born Toby Wild.

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Further Fabulously Fascinating Facts From Fasab!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I don’t know what it is about the letter ‘F’ but it seems to lend itself better to alliteration than any of the others – if your blog is called Fasab, that is 🙂 

Anyhow, here we go with another selection of those fabulously fascinating facts.

Enjoy.

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To manufacture a new car approximately 148,000 liters of water is needed.

 Car Manufacture

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In 1985, a pregnant women was falsely accused of shoplifting a basketball

pregnant

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The study of twins is known as gemellology

 the-study-of-twins-is-known-as-gemellology-fact

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Dalmatian puppies do not have any spots on them when they are born.

They actually develop them as they get older

dalmatian puppies

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At the equator the Earth spins at about 1,038 miles per hour

speed of earth

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In World War II, the German submarine U-1206 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet

WWII-german-u-boat

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As a defense mechanism, the North American Opossum closes its eyes and becomes totally limp.

Basically it plays dead, hence the term ‘playing possum’.

cartoon possum

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Approximately 18 billion disposable diapers end up in landfills each year.

These diapers can takes as long as 500 years to finally decompose

disposable diapers

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Only one out of every three people wash their hands when leaving a public bathroom

washing hands in toilet

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The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight.

These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

 Eisenhower interstate system

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Two objects have struck the earth with enough force to destroy a whole city.

Each object, one in 1908 and again in 1947, struck regions of Siberia.

Not one human being was hurt either time

Tunguska asteroid strike 1908
Tunguska asteroid strike 1908

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When Scott Paper Co. first started manufacturing toilet paper

they did not put their name on the product because of embarrassment

scott-toilet-paper

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Ian Fleming named his character “James Bond” after real-life ornithologist and author

Bond+birds+book

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A Canadian, Troy Hurtubise, spent $100,000 and almost went bankrupt

building a RoboCop style suit so that he could withstand a bear attack

Troy Hurtubise bear suit

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The big toe is the foot reflexology pressure point for the head

reflexology-ftchart

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In November 1999, two women were killed by a lightning bolt.

The underwire located in their bras acted as a electrical conductors,

and when the lightning bolt hit the bra they left burn marks on their chest

 Lightning

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Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

a worn out baseball

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Every U.S. bill regardless of denomination costs just 4 cents to make

100000-Dollar-Bill

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The average day is actually 23 hours, 56 minutes and 4.09 seconds.

We have a leap year every four years to make up for this shortfall

day_night

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Approximately 10.5 gallons of water is used in a dishwasher.

Washing the dishes by hand can use up to 20 gallons of water

dishwasher

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