Puns About Monorails Always Make For Decent One-Liners.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It is just as hard to guage the size of a monorail as it is to guage the popularity of puns.

Here is another selection of word plays that may help you make up your mind.

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

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According to ‘serving suggestions’

I’m a family of four

 'serving suggestions

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Me and my friend used to spend

all our time together in a tree-house,

but then we fell out.

 tree-house

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I come from a small town

whose population never changes.

Every time a woman falls pregnant,

someone leaves town.

 woman falls pregnant

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A synanym is a word you use

in place of one you can’t spell.

 synanym

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It’s difficult to say something tongue-in-cheek

without people thinking you have a speech impediment.

 obama tongue-in-cheek

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 I had the right to remain silent,

unfortunately I didn’t have the ability.

 right to remain silent

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It’s my first session with the

Impatience Support Group is tonight

…….. I can’t wait.

 Impatience

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I realized I didn’t have many friends

when I tried to text Ben,

scrolled down my contacts list

and accidentally texted William.

 Contact list

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My doctor said to me,

“Do you know your sperm count?”

I said,

“No, I didn’t know they were that clever.”

 paul-noth-you-need-to-get-your-cholesterol-where-your-sperm-count-is-new-yorker-cartoon

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Did you hear about the American

who went on a holiday to India and

didn’t manage to see a single wig wam?

 wig wam

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How does a woman scare a Gynaecologist?

By becoming a Ventriloquist.

 scared Gynaecologist

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Finally, here’s a joke for

all the mind readers out there….

mind reader

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Did you like it?

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Did You Know – The More I Know, The More I Know I Don’t know.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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This is a bit Donald Rumsfeld, but it is certainly true that the more of these facts I see, the more I know I don’t know, except I would know if I could remember them all.

But enough of that.

Let’s get on with today’s lot.

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did you know3

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The official state vegetable of Oklahoma

is the watermelon.

watermelon, official state vegetable of Oklahoma

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Horses cannot breathe through their mouths.

Horse's mouth

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The word ‘Hazard’ comes from the Arabic ‘al zahr’ which means ‘the dice’.

The term came to be associated with dice during the Crusades

and eventually took on a negative connotation because

games of dice were associated with gambling.

Hazard sign

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If you eat a teaspoon of sugar after eating something spicy,

it will completely neutralize the heat.

teaspoon of sugar

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When the oldest person on Earth was born,

there was a completely different set of people on the planet.

oldest person on Earth

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The last veteran of the American Civil War died in 1956,

long enough to see the atomic bomb dropped in Japan.

Albert_Woolson_(ca._1953)
Albert Henry Woolson, last surviving Civil War veteran on either side whose status is undisputed.

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A “butt load” is an actual unit of measurement,

equivalent to 126 gallons.

butt load - giant_ass_in_seat

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The word ‘posh’, which denotes luxurious rooms or accommodations,

originated when ticket agents in England

marked the tickets of travelers going by ship to the Orient.

Since there was no air conditioning in those days,

it was always better to have a cabin on the shady side of the ship

as it passed through the Mediterranean and Suez area.

Since the sun is in the south, those with money paid extra

to get cabins on the left, or port, traveling to the Asia,

and on the right, or starboard, when returning to Europe.

Hence their tickets were marked with the initials for

Port Outbound Starboard Homebound, or POSH.

POSH logo black_full

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Nepal is the only country without a rectangular flag,

it looks like two pennants glued one on top of the other.

Nepal-Flag

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Dr Seuss wrote “Green Eggs And Ham”

to win a bet against his publisher

who thought that Seuss could not complete

a book using only 50 words.

Green Eggs And Ham Dr Seuss

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Crocodiles are more closely related to birds than to lizards.

american-crocodile

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Not only was James Garfield ambidextrous,

he could write Latin with one hand

and Greek with the other at the same time.

James Garfield ambidextrous

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Shakespeare and Pocahontas

were alive at the same time.

Shakespeare and Pocahontas

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Kiribati is the first country in the world

that will be entirely lost due to rising sea levels.

They are already planning the complete and

permanent evacuation of the population.

Kiribati

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Duddley Do Right’s Horses name was “Horse.”

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Did You Know? – Flags, Cobble Stones And Blimps, Just Some Of Today’s Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Talk about random. Today’s selection certainly lives up to that description.

Hope you can find at least a few facts in this lot that you like.

Enjoy.

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did you know2

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The Swiss flag is square.

Swiss Flag

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All of the cobble stones that used to line the streets in New York

were originally weighting stones

put in the hulls of Belgian ships to keep an even keel.

Manhattan, New York cobblestone street

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There are only thirteen blimps in the world.

Nine of the thirteen blimps are in the United States.

The existing biggest blimp is the Fuji Film blimp.

Fuji Film blimp

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If you come from Manchester,

you are a Mancunian.

Mancunian

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The most remote inhabited place on Earth,  Tristan de Cunha,

a small archipelago in the Atlantic Ocean

thousands of miles from both South Africa and South America,

has a population of only  271 people and mail only arrives a few times per year.

Tristan de Cunha from Sea

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At the last official census,

the hottest constantly inhabited region in the world

is Dallol in Ethiopia.

Dallol in Ethiopia

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The German Kaiser Wilhelm II had a withered arm

and often hid the fact by posing with his hand

resting on a sword, or by holding gloves.

German Kaiser Wilhelm II

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A kind of tortoise in the Galapagos Islands

has an upturned shell at its neck

so it can reach its head up to eat cactus branches.

tortoise in the Galapagos Islands

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The 1957 Milwaukee Braves were the first baseball team

to win the World Series after being relocated.

1957 Milwaukee Braves

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The slogan on New Hampshire license plates is ‘Live Free or Die’.

Ironically these license plates are manufactured

by prisoners in the state prison in Concord.

New Hampshire license plates

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The common goldfish is the only animal that can

see both infra-red and ultra-violet light.

The common goldfish

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If you stretch a standard Slinky out flat

it measures 87 feet long.

Slinky

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Camel’s milk does not curdle.

camel milk

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A person from the country of Nauru is called a Nauruan;

this is the only palindromic nationality.

Nauruan

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Hang On Sloopy

is the official rock song of Ohio.

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Did They Really Mean To Say That? Newspaper Headlines Nightmares, Part Seven!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Part seven of our look at newspaper headlines.

I hope that you are getting as much fun out of reading these as I am in finding them.

It’s comforting to have these bloopers, mistakes, or evidence of stupidity down in print for all to see.

So enjoy this latest batch of newspaper headline nightmares and, as you do, don’t forget to ask, “Did they really mean to say that?”

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np-Detroit-blow-job

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np-hookers

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np_90days

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np_accident

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np_adviceforelderly

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np_apathy

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np_babies

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np_bananamogul

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np_bartolocolon

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np_batman-uses-drugs

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np_Beware

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np_bishopsagree

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np_blowjobs

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np_clinton2

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Quizday….Err… I mean, Monday 24th June!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The clue was in the title.

Yes, it’s Monday, it must be quiz day on the fasab blog.

Here is another selection of mind benders.

Good luck and hope you enjoy!

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Quiz 6

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Q  1:  It is called a “ten gallon hat”, but how much does it really hold?

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Q  2:  In what country was paper invented?

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Q  3:  What is the smallest country in the world, with a population of 1000 and just 108.7 acres in area?

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Q  4:  What do Anteaters prefer to eat?

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Q  5:  What is the “thyroid cartilage” more commonly known as?

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Q  6:  In the 1960’s, who was the first rock star to be arrested on stage?

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Q  7:  What is the collective noun for a group of larks?

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Q  8:  What is the only continent that does not have land areas below sea level.

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Q  9:  The more you take the more you leave behind. What are they?

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Q 10:  The police can arrest you for attempting this crime, but strangely not for committing it. What is it?

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Q 11:  On a regular 12-hour digital clock how many times would the same three digits in a row be displayed in one day – for example, 1:11, 11:12, 12:22?

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Q 12:  What country is made up of approximately 7,100 islands?

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Q 13:  The mother of what star of “The Monkees” pop band invented whiteout?

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Q 14:  There are only four words in the English language that end in “dous”. Can you name any one of them? (A point for each.)

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Q 15:  What is the only English word with two synonyms (same meaning) which are antonyms (opposite meaning) of each other?

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Q 16:  In 1865, the U.S. Secret Service was first established for the specific purpose of combating what?

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Q 17:  The first TONKA truck was made when?  In 1937,  1947,  1957,  or 1967?

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Q 18:  Why did the Great Pyramids used to look as white as snow?

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Q 19:  Walter Hunt patented this common household item in 1849 and later sold the patent rights for only $400. What did he invent?

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Q 20:  The most expensive decorative egg that has ever been sold was the “Winter Egg” which went for $5.6 million in 1994. But who manufactured it?

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ANSWERS

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Q  1:  It is called a “ten gallon hat”, but how much does it really hold?

A  1:  A ten gallon hat actually holds three quarters of a gallon.

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Q  2:  In what country was paper invented?

A  2:  Paper was invented early in the second century in China by Chinese eunuch. (I guess he needed something to do!)

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Q  3:  What is the smallest country in the world, with a population of 1000 and just 108.7 acres in area?

A  3:  The Vatican City

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Q  4:  What do Anteaters prefer to eat?

A  4:  Yes, it was a tricky one, Anteaters prefer a meal of termites to ants.

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Q  5:  What is the “thyroid cartilage” more commonly known as?

A  5:  The “thyroid cartilage” is more commonly known as the “adams apple”.

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Q  6:  In the 1960’s, who was the first rock star to be arrested on stage?

A  6:  Jim Morrison of the rock group The Doors.

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Q  7:  What is the collective noun for a group of larks?

A  7:  A group of larks is known as an “exaltation”.

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Q  8:  What is the only continent that does not have land areas below sea level.

A  8:  Antarctica.

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Q  9:  The more you take the more you leave behind. What are they?

A  9:  Footsteps

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Q 10:  The police can arrest you for attempting this crime, but strangely not for committing it. What is it?

A 10:  Suicide

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Q 11:  On a regular 12-hour digital clock how many times would the same three digits in a row be displayed in one day – for example, 1:11, 11:12, 12:22?

A 11:  34 times. These 17 instances will be visible twice in a 24 hour period.  1:11 2:22 3:33 4:44 5:55 10:00 11:10 11:11 11:12 11:13 11:14 11:15 11:16 11:17 11:18 11:19 12:22

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Q 12:  What country is made up of approximately 7,100 islands?

A 12:  The Philippines

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Q 13:  The mother of what star of “The Monkees” pop band invented whiteout?

A 13:  Michael Nesmith’s mother invented whiteout.

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Q 14:  There are only four words in the English language that end in “dous”. Can you name any one of them? (A point for each.)

A 14:  The only four words in the English language that end in “dous” (as far as I know) are: “tremendous”, “horrendous”, “stupendous”, and “hazardous”.

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Q 15:  What is the only English word with two synonyms (same meaning) which are antonyms (opposite meaning) of each other?

A 15:  The verb “cleave” is the only English word with two synonyms (same meaning) which are antonyms (opposite meaning) of each other: adhere and separate.

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Q 16:  In 1865, the U.S. Secret Service was first established for the specific purpose of combatting what?

A 16:  In 1865, the U.S. Secret Service was first established for the specific purpose of combatting the counterfeiting of money.

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Q 17:  The first TONKA truck was made when?  In 1937  1947  1957  1967

A 17:  The first TONKA truck was made in 1947.

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Q 18:  Why did the Great Pyramids used to look as white as snow?

A 18:  The Great Pyramids used to look as white as snow because they were originally encased in a bright limestone that has worn off over the years.

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Q 19:  Walter Hunt patented this common household item in 1849 and later sold the patent rights for only $400. What did he invent?

A 19:  In 1849 Water Hunt invented and patented the safety pin.

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Q 20:  The most expensive decorative egg that has ever been sold was the “Winter Egg” which went for $5.6 million in 1994. But who manufactured it?

A 20:  The “Winter Egg” sold in 1994 for $5.6 million was made by Faberge.

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Did You Know? More Random Fact File Fun

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Facts don’t more random than these selections.

A little something for everyone seems to be the goal, so I hope you find at least one fact in here of interest.

Enjoy.

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did you know5

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People say “bless you” when you sneeze

because your heart stops for a millisecond.

achoo

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US gold coins used to say

“In Gold We Trust”.

in gold we trust

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Kuwait is about 60% male

(highest in the world).

Kuwaiti men

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Latvia is about 54% female

(highest in the world).

latvian women

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The Hawaiian alphabet has only 12 letters.

Hawaiian Alphabet

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Julius Caesar’s autograph is worth about $2,000,000.

Caesar

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The surface of the Earth is about 60% water and 10% ice,

but the volume of fresh water compared to

the volume of the earth is a lot smaller.

global-water-volume-fresh

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For every 230 cars that are made, 1 will be stolen.

car-theft

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Lightning strikes the earth about 8 million times a day.

Lightning Strikes

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John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Monroe died on July 4th.

Presidential funeral procession

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In 1386, a pig in France was executed

by public hanging for the murder of a child

pig hanged

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Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

thigh bone

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Present population of 7 billion plus people of the world

is predicted to become 15 billion by 2080.

world_popluation_1

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A man named Charles Osborne

had the hiccups for 69 years!

Charles Osborne

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A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!

(That takes some lickin’)

giraffe tongue

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The average person laughs 10 times a day!

(But obviously readers of the Fasab blog are well above average!)

laughing-men

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Someone paid $14,000 for the bra worn by

Marilyn Monroe in the film ‘Some Like It Hot’.

slih-bra

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More than 1,000 different languages

are spoken on the continent of Africa.

africa_languages

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The White House has 132 rooms and

a total floor area of around 55,000 ft²

(5,100 square metres).

white-house

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Buckingham Palace in England has 775 rooms and

the total floor area of the Palace, from basement to roof,

covers over 828,000 square feet (77,000 square metres).

Buckingham Palace

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It’s Monday, Stimulate Those Brain Cells For The Rest Of The Week!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another quiz to stimulate the brain cells for the rest of the week.

As usual a random mixture with some easy, some tricky and some rather difficult, but have a go anyhow.

The answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy.

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Quiz 6

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Q  1:  What is the only city in the world located on two continents?

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Q  2:  A word or sentence that is the same front and back (for example, “racecar”, or “kayak”) is called a what?

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Q  3:  What is the only bird that can’t fly but can swim underwater?

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Q  4:  What famous film star appeared on the cover of Life magazine more than anyone else?

(Hint: she was also married many times!)

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Q  5:  What is the collective noun for a group of whales?

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Q  6:  What is unusual about the sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”?

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Q  7:  What famous cartoon character’s first suggested name was Mortimer?

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Q  8:  In 1819, a $5 million debt that Spain owed the USA was canceled in exchange for what?

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Q  9:  Mr. Butts invented a famous game that he originally called “Criss Cross Words.” What is it better known as today?

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Q  10:  What is hardest substance in the human body?

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Q  11:  A double question here and a point for each part.

Who launched the world’s first artificial satellite in 1957, and what was it called?

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Q  12:  What state in the USA is known as the “Land of ten thousand lakes”?

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Q  13:  And what country, with a population of approximately 5 million people, has one lake for every 26 people?

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Q  14:  What is the only word in English language with three consecutive double letters?

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Q  15:  The first jet engine was invented by an Englishman in 1930, but what was his name?

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Q  16:  What country has more recreational golfers than any other?

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Q  17:  What is a newly hatched fish called?

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Q  18:  What is the literal meaning of the martial art name “Karate”?

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Q  19:  And in what country did Karate originate?

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Q  20:  And finally, you have a dime and a dollar, you buy a dog and a collar, the dog is a dollar more than the collar, how much is the collar?

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ANSWERS

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Q  1:  What is the only city in the world located on two continents?

A  1:  Istanbul, Turkey

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Q  2:  A word or sentence that is the same front and back (for example, “racecar”, or “kayak”) is called a what?

Q  2:  A “palindrome”.

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Q  3:  What is the only bird that can’t fly but can swim underwater?

A  3:  The penguin

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Q  4:  What famous film star appeared on the cover of Life magazine more than anyone else?

(Hint: she was also married many times!)

A  4:  Elizabeth Taylor

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Q  5:  What is the collective noun for a group of whales?

A  5:  A group of whales is called a pod.

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Q  6:  What is unusual about the sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”?

A  6:  It uses every letter in the alphabet and was developed by Western Union to Test telex/twx communications.

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Q  7:  What famous cartoon character’s first suggested name was Mortimer?

A  7:  Walt Disney had originally suggested using the name Mortimer Mouse instead of Mickey Mouse

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Q  8:  In 1819, a $5 million debt that Spain owed the USA was canceled in exchange for what?

A  8:  The purchase of Florida.

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Q  9:  Mr. Butts invented a famous game that he originally called “Criss Cross Words.” What is it better known as today?

A  9:  SCRABBLE

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Q  10:  What is hardest substance in the human body?

A  10:  Enamel.

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Q  11:  A double question here and a point for each part.

Who launched the world’s first artificial satellite in 1957, and what was it called?

A  11:  The USSR launched the world’s first artificial satellite, called “Sputnik 1”, in 1957.

(You get a point for “Sputnik” as well as “Sputnik 1”)

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Q  12:  What state in the USA is known as the “Land of ten thousand lakes”?

A  12:  Minnesota

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Q  13:  And what country, with a population of approximately 5 million people has one lake for every 26 people?

A  13:  Finland, which is also known as “the land of the thousand lakes,” even though it has around 188,000 of them

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Q  14:  What is the only word in English language with three consecutive double letters?

A  14:  “Bookkeeper”

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Q  15:  The first jet engine was invented by an Englishman in 1930, but what was his name?

A  15:  His name was Frank Whittle

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Q  16:  What country has more recreational golfers than any other?

A  16:  There are more recreational golfers per capita in Canada than any other country in the world

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Q  17:  What is a newly hatched fish called?

A  17:  A newly hatched fish is called a “fry”

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Q  18:  What is the literal meaning of the martial art name “Karate”?

A  18:  The word Karate means, “empty hand.”

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Q  19:  And in what country did Karate originate?

A  19:  Karate actually originated in India, but was developed further in China

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Q  20:  And finally, you have a dime and a dollar, you buy a dog and a collar, the dog is a dollar more than the collar, how much is the collar?

A  20:  A nickel. (You have $1.10, the dog costs $1.05 and the collar $0.05)

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So how did you do?

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