Did They Really Mean To Say That? – Newspaper Headline Nightmares, Part Seventeen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Maybe the last in this series of newspaper headline nightmares – for the moment. They’ve had a long run, buy I hope an entertaining one.

So enjoy this latest batch.

Who knows what will happen next week!

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np_weiner1

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np_whoops

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np_whydoIhear

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np_wmandmary

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np_womensdiseases

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np_worldbank

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np_wrestlersmellstitle

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np04

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np05

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np11

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np_thinkofaheadline

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And finally, a correction

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np09

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Did They Really Mean To Say That? Newspaper Headlines Nightmares, Part Five!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some more newspaper headlines today.

It’s quite amazing the capacity people have to get things wrong.

Worse if the result is on view to the general public.

Here is the latest batch.

Enjoy.

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np_pornstarsues

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np_povertymeeting

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np_psychicspredict

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np_republicanssplit

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np_scottwantsheadjob

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np_seeingwormafterbowelmovement

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np_seniorluncheon

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np_sewagespill

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np_sexteacher

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np_slowdowncontinutestoaccelerate

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np_starvationcanleadtohealthproblems

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np_suicidebombers

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np_suspectspic

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np_teenpregnancy

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It Was An American After All

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes there is a new papa and he is an American.

Except he is a South American, from Argentina in fact.

Close but no cigar fasab 🙂

His name was Jorge Mario Bergoglio, but now it is Francis I, and he was the surprise choice in one of the fastest conclaves in recent times.

He is a Jesuit and he is 76 years old and, no pun intended, he has one hell of a mess to try to clean up.

In fact the trouble never stops coming.

As the election was getting under way in Rome, an article published on Monday, in the Italian newspaper La Republica, noted that the Vatican paid an estimated $30 million in 2008 for around 20 apartments in the imposing palazzo at 2 Via Carducci.

palazzo at 2 Via Carducci
The Palazzo at 2 Via Carducci in Rome, the $30 million apartment complex bought by the Vatican.

Not only will these apartments do very little to help the poor and needy in his flock as I guess very few of them could afford even to rent a $1.5 million apartment let alone buy one, but the complex it turns out is also home to Italy’s biggest gay sauna, the Europa Multiclub!

Europa Multiclub, which features a Turkish bath and Finnish sauna, bills itself as the number one sauna in Italy. Open all year, the club also offers weekly “bear parties”, which it advertises on its website with a video of a stripper donning clerical attire.

Europa Multiclub entrance
Europa Multiclub entrance adorned with phallic topiary display. (Does that sign say use rear entrance?)

And to top it all, the housing block accommodates 15 priests, including a 12-room apartment on the first floor of the building for 76-year-old Cardinal Ivan Dias, a socially conservative Cardinal who was the former archbishop of Bombay, who has called homosexuality a disease of the soul. Does anyone detect a hint of hypocrisy?

Red faces to go with those red robes I think.

Good luck Francis, you’re going to need it.

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Word Play? Bad Jokes? Whatever you call them they’re Still Pun To Me

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few more puns to make you laugh or groan.

Enjoy them if you can.

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The cannibal was so nervous he threw up his hands

cannibal

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He said I was average – but he was just being mean.

average mean pun

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I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

hurdles

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Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.    

noah

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The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner – there were strings attached.

old woman who lived in a shoe

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Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you. 

xray

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We never got the tent up because of all the missed stakes we had.

Camping-Cartoon

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The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.

wizard with a magic book of incantations

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I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.

trig cartoon

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Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

stork carrying baby

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We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

pay attention

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I once thought about cloning a new, more efficient brain, but then I realized that I was getting a head of myself.

cloning cartoon

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If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.        

alphabet soup

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Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can’t croak.         

cartoon frog

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The police arrested two kids yesterday, one for drinking battery acid and the other one for eating fireworks. They charged one but let the other one off.

battery firework pun

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

sleeping

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A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.          

sweeping

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And finally,

 

Did you know that Macy’s have a contractual obligation to hire an unemployed man every November and December to play Father Christmas? It’s known as the Santa clause.

santaclaus

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