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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Sadly WordPress doesn’t let you bid on these posts either. I wonder why not?

Still, never mind, we have another Pun Day to look forward too now.

So….

Enjoy or endure!!

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WANTED:

Assistant required to fill

hourglasses with sand.

No timewasters.

 

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When bakers have a fight

They go at it all Buns Glazing.

 

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My friend is really interested in magnets.

Personally, I can’t see the attraction.

 

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Some bloke just barged into my caravan

accusing me of being the world’s worst psychic.

I don’t know what he was thinking.

 

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I entered a cartoonist competition today,

there were five of us in it,

we drew..

 

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How do trespassers get in your house?

Intruder window.

 

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This morning a beautiful blonde

came up to me in the street

and wrote her phone number on my hand

in bright yellow felt tip pen…

… It was the highlight of my day !

 

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I gave my son a faceless coin.

He couldn’t make head nor tails of it.

 

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If I see one more person misuse an apostrophe

I think Ill go completely nut’s !

 

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I am permanently hooked up to a device

which gives me an electric shock

if I say something negative.

It’s not ideal, but I can’t complain

 

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I’ve noticed that chess players

always close the door behind them

Do you think they don’t like draughts?

 

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Somebody closed the lid on my piano.

Now i can’t open it because the keys are inside.

 

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My friend has just directed his

own under-budget documentary,

“Living with the World’s Smallest Bath”.

I thought I’d give him a little plug.

 

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You can tell the sex of an ant

by dropping it into a jug of water.

If it sinks: girl ant

If it floats: boy ant

 

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The number of people who shout

“Boo!”

to their friends has risen by 85%.

That’s a frightening statistic.

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Happy New Year And Thirteen Questions To Start Off 2013

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well, we made it. We have successfully traveled through time and here we are in 2013. Yippeee and all that.

So a very Happy New Year to one and all.

And to get us off to an easy start here are thirteen simple questions, well questions anyhow, to ease us into 2013.

Enjoy.

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If any word should be spelled the way it sounds it should be “phonetic”, so why isn’t it?

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And why is “abbreviation” such a long word?

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Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

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How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

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Why is experience always what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted?

 

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If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

 

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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

 

What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?

 

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If the person who plays the piano is called a pianist, why is the person who drives a racecar not called a racist?

 

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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out”?

 

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When you put ‘THE’ and ‘IRS’ together, it forms ‘THEIRS’. Coincidence? I think not?

 

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Why are rubber duckies yellow when most real duckies aren’t?

 

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Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

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Significant Number Factoid Friday – Today Number Fifty-Two 52

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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They’ve been ‘beautiful’,  they’ve been ‘big’  and they’ve been ‘unusual’.  Today we have another ‘significant’ number, fifty-two, so-called because of its use and the beliefs surrounding it.

Enjoy.

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52 Fifty-Two

 

Fifty-two first came to mind because it is the number of weeks in a year. Simple enough. But, as usual, with these significant numbers there is more to fifty-two than you might at first imagine.

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In Religion

• The 52nd word of the King James Version of the Bible’s Old Testament Genesis is ‘God’
• Saint Thomas, one of the twelve disciples of Jesus, is believed to have landed in Kodungallur, India to preach the Gospel.
• Nag Hammadi is a set of 52 religious & philosophical texts, hidden in an earthenware jar for 1,600 years, and accidentally unearthed in the village of Nag Hammadi in Upper Egypt in December 1945. Written in Coptic, this corpus of 1200 pages include the Gospel of Thomas recording the secret sayings of Christ. 

Nag Hammadi

• The ancient Mexicans divided the time in periods of 52 years, waiting the end of the world to the term of each of they. It is the number of the Aztec century, 13 x 4, called the small cycle. We find it in the ligature of the years for the duration of the suns, in particular the first and the fourth sun, which have a duration of 676 years, are considered as being the most perfect since they contain only the two numbers 13 and 52 whose product gives 676.

• The Mayan Calendar moves through a complete cycle every 52 years. (until near the end of December this year GULP!)

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In Mathematics

• Fifty-two is the 6th Bell number and a decagonal number.
• It is an untouchable number, since it is never the sum of proper divisors of any number, and it is a noncototient since it is never the answer to the equation x – f(x).
• The number of different ways a complete pack of playing cards may be rearranged is 52! or 52 factorial which is 52 x 51 x 50 x 49 x…
• This number is very large; For example it would take light approximately 14 billion billion billion billion billion billion years to travel 52! miles.

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In Science

• The Atomic Number of Tellurium (semi-metallic with silvery lustrous grey color) is 52 
• Atomic Weight of Chromium (Cr) is 52 

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In Space 

• Messier object M52, a magnitude 8.0 open cluster in the constellation Cassiopeia

Messier object M52

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In Sport

• For over twenty years, 52 was the best-known car number of retired NASCAR driver Jimmy Means.

Jimmy Means Racing

 

• Ray Lewis, is possibly the most famous sportsman to currently wear the number 52 jersey. He plays for the Baltimore Ravens, is a dominant linebacker and force on the premier defense in the NFL. He also has a really unique (and entertaining,) dance he does when entering the stadium field.

 

• But perhaps the most interesting story is that of Michael Lewis “Iron Mike” Webster who was an American football player who played center in the National Football League from 1974 to 1990 with the Pittsburgh Steelers and Kansas City Chiefs. He is a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. “Iron Mike” anchored the Steelers’ offensive line during much of their run of four Super Bowl victories from 1974 to 1979 and is considered by some as the best center in NFL history.
• His career ended after the 1990 season, with a total of 245 games played at center. At the time of his retirement, he was the last active player in the NFL to have played on all four Super Bowl winning teams of the 1970s Steelers. He played more seasons as a Steeler than anyone in franchise history (15 seasons), one season ahead of Hines Ward.
• While the Steelers no longer officially retire jerseys, Webster’s #52 has not been reissued by the team since he retired and it is generally understood that no Steeler will wear that number again.
• Webster was proven to have been disabled before retiring from the NFL. After retirement, he  suffered from amnesia, dementia, depression, and acute bone and muscle pain. He lived out of his pickup truck or in train stations between Wisconsin and Pittsburgh, even though his friends and former teammates were willing to rent apartments for him. In his last years Webster lived with his youngest son, Garrett, who though only a teenager at the time, had to act as the parent to his father. Webster’s wife divorced him six months before his death in 2002. He was only 50 years old.
• Webster is quoted as an example of the difficulties American football players suffer when their careers are over. Other players who retired because of the effects of concussion or other head injuries include Johnny Unitas, Roger Staubach, Merril Hoge, Troy Aikman, Steve Young, Dave Pear, Wayne Chrebet, and Al Toon.
• After his death, Mike Webster was diagnosed with chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a neurodegenerative disease. Bennet Omalu, a forensic neuropathologist, examined tissue from Webster and eight other NFL players and determined they all showed the kind of brain damage previously seen in people with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, as well as in some retired boxers. Omalu’s findings were largely ignored by the NFL until Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry was diagnosed with CTE shortly after his death in 2009.
• It has been speculated that Webster’s ailments were due to wear and tear sustained over his playing career; some doctors estimated he had been in the equivalent of “25,000 automobile crashes” in over 25 years of playing football at high school, college and professional levels.
• Webster’s estate brought a lawsuit in Maryland’s U.S. District Court against the National Football League. The estate contended that Webster was disabled at the time of his retirement, and was owed $1.142 million in disability payments under the NFL’s retirement plan. On April 26, 2005, a federal judge ruled that the NFL benefits plan owed Webster’s estate $1.18 million in benefits. With the addition of interest and fees, that amount was estimated to exceed $1.60 million. The NFL appealed the ruling, but on December 13, 2006, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit in Richmond, Virginia affirmed the Baltimore federal judge’s 2005 ruling that the league’s retirement plan must pay benefits reserved for players whose disabilities began while they were still playing football.

Iron Mike Webster

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In Militaria

The B-52

• By far the best know aircraft with the 52 designation is the Boeing B-52 Stratofortress. It is a long-range, subsonic, jet-powered strategic bomber, built to carry nuclear weapons for Cold War-era deterrence missions, and was a replacement for the Convair B-36.
• It has been operated by the United States Air Force (USAF) since the 1955. The bomber carries up to 70,000 pounds (32,000 kg) of weapons.
• Beginning with their successful contract bid in June 1946, the Boeing B-52 design evolved from a straight-wing aircraft powered by six turboprop engines to the final prototype YB-52 with eight turbojet engines and swept wings.
• The B-52 took its maiden flight in April 1952. Although a veteran of several wars, the Stratofortress has dropped only conventional munitions in combat. Its Stratofortress name is rarely used outside of official contexts; it has been referred to by Air Force personnel as the BUFF (Big Ugly Fat/Flying Fucker/Fellow).
• Superior performance at high subsonic speeds and relatively low operating costs have kept the B-52 in service despite the advent of later aircraft, including the cancelled Mach 3 North American XB-70 Valkyrie, the variable-geometry Rockwell B-1B Lancer, and the stealthy Northrop Grumman B-2 Spirit.
• The B-52 marked its 50th anniversary of continuous service with its original operator in 2005 and after being upgraded between 2013 and 2015 it will serve into the 2040s.

B-52 in flight and on the ground with ordnance display

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 The Junkers Ju 52

• The Junkers Ju 52 (nicknamed Tante Ju (“Auntie Ju”) and Iron Annie) was a German trimotor transport aircraft manufactured from 1932 to 1945.
• It saw both civilian and military service during the 1930s and 1940s.
• In a civilian role, it flew with over 12 air carriers including Swissair and Deutsche Luft Hansa as an airliner and freight hauler.
• In a military role, it flew with the Luftwaffe as a troop and cargo transport and briefly as a medium bomber.
• The Ju 52 continued in postwar service with military and civilian air fleets well into the 1980s.

Junkers Ju 52

 

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Ka-52

• Another notable air machine with the 52 designation is the multi-role all-weather combat Ka-52 “Alligator” helicopter.  First revealed at 1995 Paris Air Show, this is a twin-seat derivative of the attack Ka-50. It is intended for a wide range of combat tasks in daytime and night conditions, in any time of the year with the use of all destruction means of the Ka-50.
• The Ka-52 has a coaxial design with unique manoeuvrability that allows the helicopter to perform combat maneuvers within the minimum air area and the shortest time to gain an advantageous attack position.
• From the point of view of the weapons power the “Alligator” is comparable with the “Black Shark” helicopter and is superior to all existing combat helicopters.

The multi-role all-weather combat Ka-52 ‘Alligator’ helicopter

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USS Barry (DDG 52)

• The fourth ‘Barry’, the DDG 52, was launched on 10 May 1991 by Ingalls Shipbuilding Inc. and was commissioned into the U.S. Atlantic Fleet on 12 December 1992.
• The USS Barry DDG 52 has taken part in Operation Support Democracy in Haiti in November 1993; the backdrop for the 50th anniversary of D-Day in the Mediterranean in 1994; the Mediterranean and Adriatic Seas served as “Red Crown” in support of the No-Fly Zone over Bosnia-Herzegovina; the Persian Gulf in 1994 in response to Iraq’s massing of troops on the Kuwaiti border; Operation Vigilant Warriors escort of both the George Washington and an amphibious assault group to anchorage off Kuwait City and as alternate Persian Gulf Anti-Air Warfare Coordinator (AAWC), and principal Tomahawk strike platform during the crisis. 
• The USS Barry received a Meritorious Unit Commendation, the Southwest Asia Service Medal, the Armed Forces Service Medal, and the NATO Medal for her actions
• In October of 2004, Barry was again in the Persian Gulf in support of Operations Iraqi Freedom and Enduring Freedom as part of the USS Harry S. Truman (CVN 75) Carrier Strike Group and also participated in Somalia Operations in the Horn of Africa (HOA).

USS Barry DDG52

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CZ 52

• The CZ 52 (also known by the Czechoslovakian military designations vz. 52, for “model of 1952”, and CZ 482) is a semi-automatic pistol designed by two brothers, Jan and Jaroslav Kratochvíl, in the early 1950s for the Czechoslovakian military.
• Around 200,000 vz. 52s were made by Ceská Zbrojovka in Strakonice from 1952 to 1954.
• The vz. 52 replaced the 7.65 mm Browning caliber (.32 ACP) Vz.50, which had acquired a reputation for unreliability and was underpowered for its role as a military service sidearm.
• After 30 years of military service, the vz. 52 was eventually replaced by the 9x18mm Makarov caliber vz. 82. Cz-USA began exporting to the US market in January 1998 with the designation CZ 52.

The Czech CZ-52 semi-automatic pistol

 

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AA-52

• The AA-52 (full designation in French: Arme Automatique Transformable Modèle 1952, “Transformable automatic weapon model 1952”), also known as “La Nana” is one of the first French-produced guns of the post-World War II era.
• It was manufactured by the French government-owned MAS company.
• The AA-52 is still used today as a vehicle-mounted weapon due to large quantities in service, but has been replaced in the helicopter role by the Belgian FN MAG, starting with the EC 725 Caracal of the Special Operations units and the Air Force Search and Rescue teams.
• The AA-52 had been largely phased out for infantry use in favour of the lighter FN Minimi. The AA-52 is still in use in Afghanistan.

Arme Automatique Transformable Modèle 1952

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British Army

• Part of the British Army forces is 52 Infantry Brigade which has a proud and long history as a fighting brigade.
• Its reputation during both the World Wars earned it the nickname of ‘The Fighting 52nd’ and its recent deployment to Afghanistan enabled the Brigade to re-establish its fighting credentials as one of the British Army’s fully deployable Type A Brigades.

52 Infantry Brigade ‘The Fighting 52nd’

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US Army

• The 52nd Infantry Regiment
• The 52nd Infantry Regiment (“Ready Rifles”) is an infantry unit of the United States Army.
• The coat of arms was originally approved for the 52d Infantry Regiment on June 29, 1921. It was redesignated for the 52d Armored Infantry Regiment on September 29, 1942. The insignia was redesignated for the 52d Armored Infantry Battalion on January 6, 1944.
• It was redesignated for the 52d Infantry Regiment on October 31, 1958.

52d Infantry Regimental Colors with streamers

 

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• 1st Battalion, 52d Aviation Regiment
• The 1st Battalion, 52d Aviation Regiment is known as the “Flying Dragons.”
• The battalion headquarters is located at Fort Wainwright, Alaska.
• The battalion provides aviation support to USARAK (United States Army Alaska) with UH-60A Blackhawks and CH-47 Chinooks. On order, deploy and conduct full spectrum aviation operations in support of Combatant Commanders.

52d Aviation Regiment “Flying Dragons” patch

 

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Other Stuff 

• A standard piano has 52 white keys

 

• Fifty-two is the approximate number of weeks in a year. 52 weeks is 364 days, while the tropical year is 365.24 days long. According to ISO 8601, most years have 52 weeks while some have 53.

 

• There are 52 cards in a standard deck of playing cards, not counting Jokers or advertisement cards

 

• There is a 52 Plus Joker Club that was formed to facilitate, the collection and trading of antique and collectible playing cards and related items; the advancement of knowledge about the history, manufacture and artistic aspect of playing cards; and the promotion of fellowship among members with similar interests.

 

• DC Comics has a weekly comic series entitled 52 that has 52 issues, with a plot spanning one full year.

 

• In finance one of the vital statistics always quoted in stocks/shares summaries is the 52 week High/Low trading price

 

• Patolli is an Aztec board game utilizing 52 squares arranged in a cross form. Its name came from the Aztec word for bean— patolli, meaning fava or kidney bean. The game is played on a curious diagonal cross-shaped board with red and blue markers and five beans (or occasionally four beans) as dice. The game’s goal is to return the pieces back to the original starting position. Patolli was most likely also used in a religious and ritualistic sense for divination— the throw of the beans was thought to be able to tell the future.

Ancient Aztec game called Patolli

• Cities located at 52o latitude: Berlin, Germany; Hannover, Germany; Amsterdam, Netherlands; Warsaw, Poland; and Birmingham, UK.

• And finally, the  Morden Blush Rose, bred in Canada, has 52 petals.

52 Petal Morden Blush Rose

I Suppose I Should Be Doing These On A Punday Not A Thursday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I got an email recently from Paul Ryan (well, probably one of his little helpers) inviting me to some kind of election shin-dig they were having. How he got my email address I don’t know because I haven’t signed up for anything even resembling political.

Whoever wins, we get the same people really in charge. There can be no doubt about that after Obama’s four years of “no we can’t” and changing nothing of consequence.

And then there was the debate in Denver. By all accounts a win for Romney and a lackluster performance by Obama. A CBS News poll of “uncommitted voters”, gave Romney 46% as opposed to 22% for Obama (with 32% calling it a tie).

Not that performance in debates count for much in the long run, but this one has made an “unshakable” lead for Obama into a much closer competition – until the next debate anyway – which might turn what has been a relatively dull campaign into something more exciting. Don’t hold your breath, though.

 

Meantime we have much more important things to investigate and to lighten the mood.

Yes, from pundit to punday, another excuse for more bad jokes, using the clever ploy of the pun.

Can you take it?

If you can, then enjoy.

 

 

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

 

 

Is the Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under?

 

 

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

 

 

A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.

 

 

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

 

 

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

 

 

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

 

 

Are Santa’s helpers subordinate clauses?

 

 

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

 

 

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

 

 

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

 

 

When the actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

 

 

When a scientist was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals to try to solve a problem he accidentally fell in and became part of the solution.

 

 

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, could it spell disaster?

 

 

After they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.

 

 

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

 

 

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

 

 

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

 

 

Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.

 

 

Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

 

 

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