Did You Know? The Facts – Just Gimme The Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Just gimme the facts it says in the title and that’s exactly what you get.

It’s another interesting fact day at the fasab blog.

Enjoy.

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did you know3

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The word “moose” comes from the native

Algonquian Indian word meaning “twig eater.”

Did You Know moose

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Before he wrote Jaws,

Peter Benchley was a speechwriter for LBJ.

Did You Know LBJ-Benchley_WhiteHouse_roundtable

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In 1728, the philosopher Voltaire got rich by outsmarting the lottery.

When the French government accidentally created a raffle where the prize money

was significantly larger than the cost of all the tickets combined,

Voltaire and his friend formed a syndicate, bought all the tickets, and won.

Did You Know Voltaire

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It takes the Hubble telescope about 97 minutes to complete an orbit of the Earth.

On average, the Hubble uses the equivalent amount of energy

as 30 household lightbulbs to complete an orbit.

Did You Know hubble-space-telescope

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There are over 100 styles of BluBlocker sunglasses available on the market

Did You Know blublocker

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People didn’t always say “hello” when they answered the phone.

When the first regular phone service was established in 1878,

people said “ahoy.”

Did You Know telephone ahoy

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One of the Bond girls in the James Bond movie,

“For Your Eyes Only,”

used to be a man

Did You Know bond girl fyeo carolyn

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The word Himalayas means the “home of snow.”

Did You Know himalayas

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The Margherita pizza was named for Margherita of Savoy,

Queen consort of Italy from 1878-1900,

during the reign of her husband, King Umberto I.

Did You Know italian-pizza-margherita

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Over 175 million cubic yards of earth

was removed for the creation of the Panama Canal

Did You Know panama-canal

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Hawaii is the most geographically isolated land mass in the world.

Did You Know map pacific hawaii

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By partially filling saucers with vinegar and

distributing the saucers around a room,

you can eliminate odors

– well, accept for them smell of vinegar perhaps!

Did You Know vinegar

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Oddly enough

– or perhaps not, as the case may be –  

the very first high heels were made for soldiers in the 1500s

who needed a way to keep their feet snugly tucked

into their stirrups while riding on horseback.

Did You Know soldiers high heels

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Fredric Baur invented the Pringles can.

When he died in 2008, his ashes were buried in one.

Did You Know pringles fredric baur

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The famous jewelry store Tiffany & Co.

was established on September 18, 1837 in New York City.

The amount of sales that were made the first day were $4.98

Did You Know tiffany fifth ave

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A man filed a lawsuit against his doctor

because he survived longer than what the doctor had predicted

Did You Know medical suit

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During WWII, La-Z-Boy manufactured seats for tanks,

torpedo boats, gun turrets, and armored cars.

Did You Know La-Z-Boy logo

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It requires 63 feet of wire to make a Slinky toy

Did You Know slinky

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The Hollywood sign was first erected in 1923.

It was first erected as “Hollywoodland.”

Did You Know hollywoodland

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Janis Joplin left $2,500 in her will for her friends to

“have a ball after I’m gone.”

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Sex While Camping: It’s Intense!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A little word play, get it? Intense? In tents??

Okay, okay.

Yes, it’s pun day. And they get better (or worse) than that.

So, enjoy!

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Today my girlfriend told me on the phone

that we were breaking up.

I went outside and the signal improved.

can u hear me now

Police searching for a missing child heard heavy breathing

coming from a parked van.

But, when they looked,

it was just a kid napping.

linus_van_pelt_baby_blanket

Last night I settled down to eat some Ben & Jerry’s with a DVD.

I couldn’t be bothered to wash a spoon.

ben-jerry

Pythagoras walks into a bar muttering,
‘If a right-angled triangle has a short side, X,

a long side, Y,

and hypotenuse, Z,

then the square of Z must be equal to

the sum of the square of X and the square of,

erm… uh…’

The barman says, ‘Y, the long face?’

Pythagoras cartoon

My friend asked me:

“What is the shortest race in the Olympics?”

After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:

“Chinese,” I replied.

beijing-china-olympics

My wife was running a temperature so I rang the doctor.

He asked was she hot.

I said, “Well, with a little make-up…”

cartoon wife temperature

I was clinging for dear life to the face of the cliff.

As the rescue team approached one of the guys shouted

“Whatever you do, don’t look down”.

So I started smiling.

tony_cave

My house was repossessed at the weekend

but I don’t blame the bank.

It’s that useless priest not doing

the exorcism properly in the first place.

exorcism_1189135

My wife said we would have less arguments

if I wasn’t so pedantic.

I said, “FEWER ARGUMENTS”

pedantic+pedant

A shop assistant dared to ask me why I needed

twenty pots of White Out this morning.

Big mistake.

white_out

I’m thinking about turning rastafarian,

but I’m worried about the stress it will put on my hair…

I’m dreading it.

dreadlocks

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People call me Mr Compromise.

Wasn’t my first choice for a nickname,

but I can live with it.

Cartoon - Compromise With Me - ALG (600)

I’m only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don’t know why.

Y

I needed some milk this morning,

so I went round to my neighbors

and asked them through the window.

“We’re all out,” they replied.

“No you’re not,” I said. “I can hear you in there.”

window

Every time I pour a round of drinks,

it goes all over the place.

I think I need glasses.

Pour 2

Drinking with a speech impediment

Is a whisky business.

whiskey-glasses

My friend never had the courage to get married,

But he has been engaged quite a few times.

So there’s been quite a few near Mrs.

wedding

After I won the local pub quiz last night

two gorgeous blondes came over to me.

The first one said,

“We find intelligent men incredibly hot and sexy.”

The second blonde said,

“Do you know what three way is?”

I replied,

“Yes, it’s the name of the dog in Hart to Hart.”

Dumb blondes will need a better quiz question than that

if they want to get the better of me,

I thought smugly to myself as I left the pub.

freeway01
Btw, the name’s “Freeway” not “Three way” dummy!

Everything is easier said than done.

Except for talking, that’s about the same.

talking

At any time, the temptation to sing

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

is never more than a whim away.

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Some Important Questions For The New Congress To Consider

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

When the new Congress gets itself organized (don’t hold your breath) here are a few important questions I think they should address. The people deserve to know the answers. We have been ignored for far too long! 

 

 

What do you call male ballerinas?

 cartoon male ballerina

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How does Freddy Krueger wipe his butt?  (Ouch!)

cartoon freddie krueger

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Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

(This one in particular has annoyed me for years!)

Phone and Calculator numbers reversed - why

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Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

caterpillar-to-butterfly

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Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Cartoon Man Staring Into an Empty Refrigerator

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Does the postman deliver his own mail?

Cartoon Mail Man

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Why is toilet bowl cleaner almost always blue in color?

Blue toilet bowl cleaner

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Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?

the_road_sign_too_hell_by_demaniore

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Is ‘vice-versa’ to a dyslexic just plain redundant?

Dyslexic Sign

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How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall, but it’s illegal to keep one as a pet?

deer_head

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Why do we say we’re head over heels when we’re happy? Isn’t that the way we normally are?

head over heels

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If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?

plum and prune 

Is it appropriate to say ‘good mourning’ at a funeral?

 snowman-funeral

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If there is an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule and therefore a rule that there is no exception to and does that mean there is not an exception to every rule, or that there is?

rules and exceptions

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When you’re caught ‘between a rock and a hard place’, is the rock not hard?

between a rock and a hard place

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Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

refrigerator-cartoon

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Doesn’t a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

 lightning rod

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Who coined the phrase, ‘coined the phrase’?

coin-a-phrase

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Why do they continue to call steamrollers, ‘steam’ rollers? They no longer produce, get rid of, or have anything to do with steam.  

steamroller 

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You Only Get the Right Answers If You Ask the Right Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s Tuesday and we have another selection of those questions that are worth asking, but hardly anyone asks. Should we just accept thing the way they are, or should we start to question what is happening around us a little more?

Here we go. Enjoy!

 

 

You know the expression, ‘Don’t quit your day job?’

Well what do you say to people that work nights?

 

 

Why is the ‘0’ on a phone after the ‘1’ and not before the ‘1’?

 

 

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

 

 

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, ‘I wish you would not grant me this wish’ what would you do?

 

 

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

 

 

Why doesn’t the armpit hair have split ends?

 

 

Do pyromaniacs like to wear blazers?

 

 

If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

 

 

Why is something funny called a ‘knee-slapper’ when you actually slap your thigh?

 

 

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then in school have them read about wars that solved problems?

 

 

If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?”

 

 

Why does someone believe you when you say something like, “There are four billion stars,” but check when you say the paint is wet?

 

 

What would happen if Batman got bitten by a vampire?

 

 

Why can’t we spell creativity however we want?

 

 

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?”

 

 

Has your mate ever called you at work to ask where the remote control is?

 

 

Was the person who invented the Express Lane at the grocery store ever properly thanked?

 

 

Why do you seldom if ever see ads for advertising companies?

 

 

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?

 

 

Why doesn’t McDonald’s sell hotdogs?

 

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More Of Those Awkward Moments – Life’s Great Levelers, part three.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another selection of those awkward moments we all experience as we journey through life. Some make you laugh, some make you angry, but all of them make you feel a little bit stupider that you really thought you were.

Enjoy.

 

 

That awkward moment when you realize you left the rest room with your dress tucked into your undies.

(Definitely haven’t managed that one yet, but I know someone who has.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you accidentally fart doing sit-ups at the Gym.

(Hey, another gold medal possibility if they make it an Olympic sport. For ‘accidentally’ read ‘inevitably’.)


 

 

That awkward moment when you see someone coming your way after you’ve just farted.

(Why do you think people take dogs with them for walks?)

 

 

That awkward moment when your girlfriend asks you if you love her more than your car.

(There’s only one answer to this one.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you bend down and your pants rip and you’re wearing floral underwear.

(Hello sailor!!!)

 

 

That awkward moment when you get caught in the rain in a cheesecloth dress, and really big underwear.

(I told you I don’t wear dresses, but seen it happen, very funny. Really big underwear, also known to us men folk as, ‘kidney warmers’. Sorry ladies.)

 

 

That awkward moment when someone walks in while you’re changing.

(Can be just as awkward when you walk in on someone else – or not – depending.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you confidently say the wrong answer aloud in class.

(And then try to turn the whole thing into a bad joke.)

 

 

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

(Just do it with a smile and you’ll be okay. But only do it once.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you are trying to impress someone on the dance-floor but you dance into a pole.

(Prefer to watch other people dance where there are poles.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you think the trash can is a stool.

(So why hasn’t anyone invented a trash can that doubles as a stool – or is that a crap idea?)

 

 

The awkward moment when your friends make plans right in front of you, and the plans don’t include you.

(I can take a hint.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you’re so tired from taking a nap that you feel like to have to take another nap to get over your nap.

(Oh yes, the nap recovery nap nap!)

 

 

That awkward moment when you lose your bikini top in the surf.

(Not a problem for me, but I see the point…er..points??)

 

 

That awkward moment when you are on the beach and someone has told you that your tampon string is hanging out of your bikini.

(What does one do, and where does one do it?)

 

 

That awkward moment when you don’t know where to stand to pull your wedgie out without being noticed.

(Impossible to do without being seen. Impossible to do and still look elegant.)

 

 

That awkward moment when your neighbor starts talking to you while you’re hanging out your underwear.

(Hi there, washing the smalls today?)

 

 

That awkward moment when one heel flies off your high heels on the dance floor.

(It still baffles me why women wear high heels and how they can walk in them – or not, see videos.)

 

High heels fall 1

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High heels fall 2


 

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More Awkward Moments – Life’s Great Levelers, part two

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here are a few more examples of what I like to call awkward moments. Things that happen that are, by and large, beyond our control. Sometimes they make you laugh and sometimes they make you feel stupid.

Mostly, though, I laugh, that’s better!

Hope you do too.

Enjoy.

 

 

That awkward moment when it’s quiet and you’re eating something crunchy.

(I take pride in this one.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you can’t tell if someone is a boy or a girl.

(The older I get, the more difficult it seems to be.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you start to cross your legs during a phone call because you’re busting to go to the loo.

(Hmmmm, been there, crossed that…er, those.)

 

 

That awkward moment when she looks at you and smiles. And then her boyfriend glares at you.

(Boy, the stories I could tell….)

 

 

That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to “single” and your ex ‘Likes’ it.

(Facebook, yuk!)

 

 

That awkward moment when you type your ex’s name into your Facebook status instead of the ‘Search’ bar.

(Make that a double yuk!!)

 

 

That awkward moment when your Facebook friend tags a photo of you as a kid.

(Strike three, yuk!!!)

 

 

That awkward moment when you are in an important meeting and someone farting unexpectedly starts you to laugh.

(Most awkward if you are the culprit. )


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That awkward moment when you’ve accidentally sent a text to the friend you were gossiping about.

(Guilty as charged.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you say “I love you” and he says “Okay”.

(Not me, pal.)

 

 

That awkward moment when someone you don’t want to date asks you out.

(I’m washing my hair. Helps if you have some though.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you are introducing someone and get their name wrong.

(Never been good with names.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you are in a class where you don’t speak to anyone, and your teacher says go find a partner.

(One of the drawbacks of being a loner, I guess.)

 

 

That awkward moment when someone mistakes you for the shop assistant.

(Happened to me in Walmart, they didn’t seem to think it unusual that I was no help at all.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you step out of the shower and then realize there is no towel.

(Very difficult to put your clothes on when you’re soaking wet.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you are gossiping about someone and they walk up behind you.

(Whoops, caught out again!)

 

 

That awkward moment when you push on the toilet door thinking no one was inside.

(I feel an airport toilet story coming on.)

 

 

That awkward moment when a man walks into the ladies toilets

(Haven’t managed that one yet.)

 

 

That awkward moment when you pick up the remote control to answer the phone.

(Or worse, see video.)


 

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Telemarketers!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

One of the bane’s of modern existence has to be telemarketers.

It’s a job, I suppose and everybody is entitled to earn a living.

But, like email spam, it is the quantity that gets to people and makes us angry. If we only got a telemarketing call now and again nobody would take umbrage, but getting them three or four times a week, and in some cases three or four times a day, it’s just too much for a body to take.

The cel phone companies used to be the worst offenders. They employed call centers in India or the Philippines or elsewhere, paid them a pittance and gave them a list of cel phone subscribers. And they called and they called and they called.

Maybe you’ve heard of the seven deadly sins or the seven ways to happiness. Well thanks to telemarketers I discovered that there are also seven phases that most people go through when this torture is inflicted upon them.

 

Phase 1 is the polite phase, when you take the call and politely decline their offer (that is, if you haven’t been conned into buying something).

 

Phase 2 is the not so polite phase, when you take the call and not so politely decline their offer.

 

Phase 3 is the beginning to get really irritated phase, when your politeness has all been used up.

 

Phase 4 is the angry phase, where you’ve switched completely from politeness to anger and mildly abusive replies.

 

Phase 5 is the very angry phase, where you shout and question both the intelligence and parentage of the unfortunate telemarketer on the other end of the phone.

 

Phase 6 is the just plain rude phase, this is the one where, if you had a beep machine, it would be working overtime and then some.

 

And finally there is Phase 7 which is the phase where you say nothing at all and just hang up.

 

 

If telemarketers calls are a persistent problem you often find yourself going from Phase 1 to Phase 4 within the same sentence. And occasionally you just answer the phone in Phase 6 mode, which is unfortunate if it’s just your old Auntie Mabel on the other end of the line.

But there is it.

Of course there is another way of doing it as a fellow called Tom Mabe demonstrated. I think his way is much better, certainly funnier. Have a listen – and I apologise profusely about the two idiots cackling and chuckling in the background. They’re almost as irritating as a telemarketing call, but their contribution was beyond my control.

As always, enjoy.