How Do You Spell Bollocks?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If you are a bureaucrat in the US government you spell bollocks ‘F-R-E-E-D-O-M’.

Then you stick that name on a new act and you sit down, confident that most of the politicians elected to represent the people are too dumb to realize what they are voting for. They were, the US Senate passed the USA Freedom Act by 67 votes for to 32 against.

Then you hope that most of the people are also too dumb to realize they’ve been conned again. And, sadly, most of them are. They listen to con men like Obama who lies to them, saying things like, “Glad the Senate finally passed the USA Freedom Act. It protects civil liberties and our national security. I’ll sign it as soon as I get it.”

In business there are rules for blatantly misleading consumers with false statements. If you run a pet shop, for example, you can’t sell a kitten as a puppy. There should be similar rules for governments. But unfortunately there aren’t. In politics you can sell the people as many pups as you like. That’s how Obama and the rest have got away with another scam.

Not that they would ever lie, of course. Take the Director of National Intelligence James Clapper, who in a briefing under oath swore that the NSA wasn’t collecting data on millions of innocent American citizens. He said this pre-Snowden’s well publicized whistleblowing.

Even after the Snowden revelations about the horrific extent of the government’s snooping, Clapper insisted he told the truth. It was a bit like Bill or Hilary Clinton’s ‘truth’, because apparently in Clapper’s head if you store data but don’t look at it, it’s not the same thing as collecting it.

That leaves me wondering if I robbed Clapper’s house but didn’t look at anything I took, would I have really stolen anything? I’m not going to try it to find out because I think I know what the result for me would be.

Getting back to this new legislation, on the face of it “Freedom” sounds great.

The bureaucrats knew that it would. They deliberately choose the word to deceive the American people. The ‘USA FREEDOM’ bit in the USA Freedom Act is supposed to mean “Uniting and Strengthening America by Fulfilling Rights and Ensuring Effective Discipline Over Monitoring”.

‘Supposed to’, being the key words.

Let me be quite blunt.

If you believe the USA Freedom Act is ‘Strengthening and Uniting America’ then you are a fool.

If you think it is ‘Fulfilling Rights’ then you are a bigger fool.

And if you think it will ensure ‘Effective Discipline Over Monitoring’, then you are out of your frigging mind.

The only mitigating factor in your defense is that you have been brainwashed by the unthinking media who have swallowed hook, line and sinker all the government’s ‘spin’ on this new piece of legislation, and repeated it ad nauseam. Misleading headlines such as the Washington Post’s “NSA phone program doomed as Senate passes USA Freedom Act”, or USA Today’s equally ridiculous, “NSA data collection ended” are examples of lazy and bad journalism and a complete failure to properly assess the impact of this new Act.

They all want you to think what the government wants you to think, and that is that the USA Freedom Act is a victory for civil liberty.

It is not. In fact it is quite the opposite.

For example, the USA Freedom Act only slightly modified one small part of a single NSA data collection program. Now, instead of the NSA directly capturing and holding the metadata for every American citizen’s cellphone conversation – i.e., your phone number, the numbers you call, the length of your phone calls, etc – the telecommunication companies must hold on to it for the NSA, and give it access to it through the federal court system any time it wants it. Basically the USA Freedom Act just saves the NSA from having to store the information itself.

Meantime the NSA can still monitor and collect anything it wants from the Internet. It will continue to snoop on your medical records, emails, business deals, where you are and practically anything else, which is far more valuable than cellphone calls.

And as General Michael Hayden, former director of the NSA and the CIA, has said, it doesn’t take much metadata to specifically identify and track anyone. “We kill people based on metadata,” he said.

See, this Freedom Act makes you so safe again.

So that is my take on the USA Freedom Act. Another piece of government deceit. And another attack on the Constitutional rights of Americans. For a country that for so many years has taken pride in its freedom, it’s allowing it to be taken away with very little comprehension or fight.

The true fact is that the United States of America, which has more controls on government data collection than any other country in the world – including the USA Freedom Act just passed – spends more on intelligence collection and analysis than the rest of the world combined.

But at least now you know how to spell ‘bollocks’.

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Ebay Accounts Are Forbidden.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Sadly WordPress doesn’t let you bid on these posts either. I wonder why not?

Still, never mind, we have another Pun Day to look forward too now.

So….

Enjoy or endure!!

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WANTED:

Assistant required to fill

hourglasses with sand.

No timewasters.

 

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When bakers have a fight

They go at it all Buns Glazing.

 

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My friend is really interested in magnets.

Personally, I can’t see the attraction.

 

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Some bloke just barged into my caravan

accusing me of being the world’s worst psychic.

I don’t know what he was thinking.

 

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I entered a cartoonist competition today,

there were five of us in it,

we drew..

 

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How do trespassers get in your house?

Intruder window.

 

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This morning a beautiful blonde

came up to me in the street

and wrote her phone number on my hand

in bright yellow felt tip pen…

… It was the highlight of my day !

 

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I gave my son a faceless coin.

He couldn’t make head nor tails of it.

 

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If I see one more person misuse an apostrophe

I think Ill go completely nut’s !

 

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I am permanently hooked up to a device

which gives me an electric shock

if I say something negative.

It’s not ideal, but I can’t complain

 

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I’ve noticed that chess players

always close the door behind them

Do you think they don’t like draughts?

 

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Somebody closed the lid on my piano.

Now i can’t open it because the keys are inside.

 

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My friend has just directed his

own under-budget documentary,

“Living with the World’s Smallest Bath”.

I thought I’d give him a little plug.

 

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You can tell the sex of an ant

by dropping it into a jug of water.

If it sinks: girl ant

If it floats: boy ant

 

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The number of people who shout

“Boo!”

to their friends has risen by 85%.

That’s a frightening statistic.

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I’ve Never Understood Decimals – What’s The Point?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I may be having difficulty understanding the point of decimals, but I understand the point of a good pun or two.

Hope you do too.

Here is the latest word play selection for you enjoyment.

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I just found a note that says “Dial-a-Party” and a phone number.

I believe this calls for a celebration.

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Went to a 70’s disco the other night.

Bought all sorts of cool gear too; platform boots,

brightly coloured flares, an afro wig…

But in retro specs I looked a twat.

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Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma.

There’s no menu, they just give you what you deserve.

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I’m an avid campaigner for the preservation of endangered animals.

You should taste my panda jam.

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My friend’s always boasting how he once had to

shuffle 52 packs of cards and

then distribute them equally between 4 people.

Big deal.

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You know who I can’t stand?

Intolerant people.

Bastards!

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I had some time to kill yesterday.

So I went round to the mother-in-law’s.

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One by one, all of my best friends have started

to become interested in men as well as women.

So I’m just sitting here, watching the world go bi.

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My wife has just texted me asking me to ‘do her’ tonight.

I’m not looking forward to it, I’m useless at impressions.

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I was taking the freeway out of LA the other day

when the cops pulled me over and said:

‘Put it back’.

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Guy #1:  “I call my girlfriend ‘Miss Universe’.”

Guy #2:  “Is it because she’s so beautiful?”

Guy #1:  “No it’s ’cause she’s constantly expanding, the fat cow!” 

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I used to keep poking myself in my eyes,

but don’t worry,

I can’t see myself doing it again.

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Archaeologists have just discovered

an ancient Egyptian ruler embalmed in chocolate.

Apparently it was Pharaoh Rocher.

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My tailor has stitched the bottom

of my trousers the wrong way around.

Meh.

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I pulled a cracker last Christmas.

There’s a joke in there somewhere.

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Can anybody tell me where Jeopardy is?

Apparently there’s 1000s of jobs there.

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My teacher handed me a blank piece of white paper.

“Make a paper plane,” she said.

“It already is,” I said.

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My opinion on fishmongers?

Selfish.

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My friend just showed me a picture of his new girlfriend,

who he says is from Eastern Europe.

I looked at the picture and said

‘she looks nothing like a frog.’

‘What are you on about?’ He said.

‘I told you she’s a Tad-Polish.’

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I think my mum is going senile.

I just told her that my girlfriend is pregnant with my daughter.

She asked me, “Do you have a name?”

I said, “I’ve always had a name, for goodness sake, it’s me, David.”

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Did You Know? More Fab Facts From The Files

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, more fab facts from the files here at the fasab blog.

These posts are as random as they get so hopefully you should be able to get something out of them no matter what your interests are.

Check them out below.

And enjoy.

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The phone number to the white house is:

(202) 456-1414.

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It takes about 63,000 trees to make the newsprint

for the average Sunday edition of New York Times.

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Pucks hit by hockey sticks have reached speeds

of up to 150 miles per hour.

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Intelligent people have more

zinc and copper in their hair.

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In every episode of Seinfeld

there is a Superman somewhere.

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The most poisonous spider is the black widow.

Its venom is more potent than a rattlesnake’s.

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Fish that live more than 800 meters below

the ocean surface don’t have eyes.

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Mercury is the only planet

whose orbit is coplanar with its equator.

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There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat,

though it may feel uncomfortable.

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Starfish have no brains.

(I know several people like that!)

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The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses.

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Los Angeles’ full name is

“El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”.

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Al Capone’s business card

said he was a used furniture dealer.

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A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A quarter has 119.

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John Lennon’s first girlfriend

was named Thelma Pickles.

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You can lead a cow upstairs

but not downstairs.

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The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

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There are 336 dimples on a regulation US golf ball.

In the UK its 330.

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At the height of its power in 400 BC, the Greek city of Sparta

had 25,000 citizens and 500,000 slaves.

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In “Silence of the Lambs”,

Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) never blinks.

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