Old Professors Never Die. They Just Lose Their Faculties.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I probably should have said that they lose their faculties and end up as a pun.

In case you haven’t guessed it yet, today is another Pun Day.

So….

Enjoy or endure!

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I call my house Lautrec

because it’s got two loos.

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Beauty is in the eye

of the beerholder.

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The UN. Bringing us all together

by ending conflicts around the world.

Peace by Peace.

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Turns out my ex girlfriend Big Amy

had a secret husband.

If only there had been some clue.

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Lawyers are like rhinoceroses:

thick-skinned, short-sighted

and always ready to charge.

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Hey girls,

get yourself a Fisherman,

they’re reel men.

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How did I escape Iraq?

Iran

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My Dermatological Clinic

just wished me Merry Eczemas.

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My wife suggested I go for

acupuncture treatment to cure me

from making annoying timber puns.

I can’t see why that woodwork.

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Let me correct you –

the London Underground

is not a political movement.

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It’s ironic that discus isn’t a sport

that many people talk about.

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The Lawn Tennis Association’s website

has a fault they are having

problems with their server.

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Many Americans oppose any change

to The Second Amendment of the

United States Constitution.

They’re really sticking to their guns.

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I ordered a whole duck at the

Chinese restaurant last night!

It was great until I got to the bill.

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Last night I dreamt I was

writing ‘Lord of the Rings’.

Turns out I was Tolkien in my sleep.

 

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What A Flipping President – What A Flipping Mess!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon

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President Obama said in June that he would be prepared to “take targeted and precise military action” in Iraq, whatever that meant.

But it’s taken him two months to make the decision. Two months during which Islamist militants have swept through northern and western Iraq and are now threatening Christians in that country with religious conversion or death.

So far its not only too little too late, but half-hearted to boot, with Obama saying that the step was being taken to defend US personnel in the city of Irbil and protect religious minorities facing what he called a “potential act of genocide” from the Islamic State, the extremist group most recently known as the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS).

There doesn’t seem much “potential” about from the reports I am reading.

It’s as if the President’s Administration and his advisors didn’t see it coming!

This belated decision is yet another turning point in the Obama administration’s dreadfully badly thought out foreign policy, which has seen his ratings plummet, both at home and in the eyes of the world.

Even now his administration’s goals remain unclear. For example, is this latest move a tactical decision, or a simple reaction to the consequences of failing to act sooner, or is there a strategy behind it?

I don’t know, and I don’t think anyone else knows, but I fear it is just the former. Sadly, a belated attempt to halt ISIS’s advance toward Irbil won’t be enough – and if I know that, why don’t Obama’s advisors?

Of course, on the other side of the political fence, rather predictably, some of the gung-ho Republicans, always spoiling for a fight (somewhere other than in the US), have quickly jumped on the bandwagon and tried to use this latest debacle to score political points against the President.

They have criticized Obama’s inaction in Syria and the failure to bolster moderate rebel forces there as contributing to ISIS’s growth. But hang on a moment GOPers, think it through before you speak (this will be new territory to most of them!). If the President had intervened (or rather, been allowed to intervene) in Syria he would have been intervening on the same side as ISIS, not against them.

Then we would have had an even more bewildering situation where US troops would have been fighting with ISIS (effectively) in Syria against Assad and at the same time fighting against ISIS in Iraq trying to stop their genocidal purge of the Christian community there.

It is this kind of utter confusion that has over the past few years greatly diminished America’s global influence and standing.

The mess that was left in Iraq after Bush’s invasion on the false premise (the lie) of WMDs, and Obama’s withdrawal of troops on the equally disingenuous premise (another lie) that they had brought peace to the country, is a disgrace.

And unfortunately it sends a message to the world that America is confused, indecisive, deceitful, short-sighted, blundering – in short all the things that you don’t want the world to think about you if you want to be taken seriously.

What a flipping mess!

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Did You Know? – It’s A First Tuesday Fact Feast!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s the first Tuesday of 2014 so here are a few lesser known facts about the New Year, its traditions and its celebrations.

Enjoy.

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January is named after Janus, the god with two faces,

one looking forward and one looking backward.

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The Scottish ‘First Footer’ tradition or superstition originates

in the belief that the first visitor on New Year’s Day would bring

either good luck or bad luck for the rest of the year,

depending on who he/she was.

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The tradition of fireworks and making loud noises on New Year’s Eve

is believed to have originated in ancient times,

when noise and fire were thought to dispel evil spirits and bring good luck.

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Traditionally, it was thought that people could alter the luck

they would have throughout the coming year

by what they did or ate on the first day of the year.

It has, therefore, become important to celebrate first day of the New Year

in the company of family and friends.

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Almost half of Americans make New Year’s Resolutions,

mainly about losing weight, stopping smoking, being better organized,

staying fit and healthy and spending less and saving more.

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More than half of Americans who make New Year’s Resolutions

are able to keep them for less than a month.

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In Denmark, it is a good sign when you find broken dishes in front of your door.

Danish people specially keep a few plates that they break

to place at their friends’ doors on New Year’s Eve.

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Many parts of the U.S. celebrate New Year by consuming black-eyed peas

and other legumes, as it has been considered good luck in many cultures.

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Ancient Persians gave New Year’s gifts of eggs,

which symbolized productiveness.

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“Auld Lang Syne” is traditionally sung at midnight on New Year’s Eve.

It was written by Scottish poet Robert Burns in 1788

and may have based it on a folk song.

The words “auld lang syne” mean “times gone by”.

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More than a third of a billion glasses of Champagne and other sparkling wine

are consumed during the Christmas / New Year celebrations.

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In Brazil at New Year many people dress in white

as a sign or hope for peace for the coming year.

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The Time Square New Year’s Eve Ball came about as a result of a ban on fireworks.

The first ball, in 1907, was an illuminated 700-pound iron and wood ball

adorned with one hundred 25-watt light bulbs.

Today, the round ball designed by Waterford Crystal, weighs 11,875-pounds,

is 12 feet in diameter and is bedazzled with 2,668 Waterford crystals.

The only time the New Year’s Eve ball was not lowered was

in 1942 and 1943 due to wartime restrictions.

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The tradition of ringing in the New Year dates back four thousand years,

to the time of the Babylonians who celebrated it at

the first full moon after the spring equinox.

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In 46 BC Julius Caesar made January 1st the first day of the year.

In England and its colonies, including America,

we didn’t do the same until 1752.

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The top three destinations in the United States

to ring in the New Year are

Las Vegas, Disney World and New York City.

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Many cultures believe that anything given or taken on New Year,

in the shape of a ring is good luck,

because it symbolizes “coming full circle”.

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In America more vehicles are stolen on New Year’s Day

than on any other holiday throughout the year.

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The Spanish ritual on New Year’s Eve is to eat twelve grapes at midnight.

The tradition is meant to secure twelve happy months in the coming year.

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The Ethiopian Calendar has twelve months with 30 days each and a

thirteenth month called Pagume with five or six days depending on the year.

Their current year is still 2006 and they celebrate New Years on September 11.

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The Rise And Fall Of An Opportunist.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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This Sunday Sermon was inspired by a recent post on things I love recently. Thanks for the idea Alex.

Cast your mind back to 2006, when failed presidential candidate and former Vice President Al Gore was searching for a new ’cause’.

He chose Global Warming and for a while he fooled a lot of people.

He won an Oscar for a largely unproven ‘scientifically based’ documentary “An Inconvenient Truth” that made wildly exaggerated claims about man-made climate change. With hindsight perhaps “A Convenient Lie” would have been a better title. Then he was awarded the much discredited Nobel Peace Prize  –  although just what climate has to do with peace was never properly explained, after all people do fight wars in the rain!

He went on to found an ‘activist group’ and to create a new nonpartisan global movement around climate change that he misleadingly called the ‘Climate Reality Project’ –  misleading because it had very little to do with reality.

Yes, Gore was in the ascendency and was now the world’s leading advocate of Global Warming….brrrrrr …ooops… make that Climate Change would you.

As lately as last January Gore took his old college roomy Tommy Lee Jones and a contingent of other gullible celebrities, donors and scientists on a cruise to Antarctica. Ostensibly they were there to see for themselves the effects of Global Warming, but the real purpose was probably to try to attract more publicity for Gore’s Climate Change crusade. When I say he ‘took them’ of course I meant the multi millionaire Gore was kind enough to let them pay for their trip themselves!

But last gasp publicity stunts or not, things haven’t been going so well recently for the Gore crusade. In fact if you look at the numbers, which I always like to do, you will see that the downward spiral has been a steep one.

For example, at its zenith just a few years ago Gore’s organization could spend the best part of $30 million on PR, advertising and political lobbying. It had offices in over half the US States, sometimes more than one office per state, and employed over 300 people. 

Today those 300 employees have become just 30 or so, and all its state offices have been shut. There are no more hefty advertising campaigns and no more highly paid lobbyists in Washington. Not surprisingly financial donations have also dropped, by around 80 percent. And so cold a political potato is Climate Change nowadays that in the 2012 Presidential election campaign question sessions it wasn’t even mentioned!

Now Gore is going to call it the “Alliance for Climate Protection”, probably a recognition that all the claptrap he was formerly spouting has been largely discredited  –  a bit like himself.

The climate does change, Al, there’s no doubt about that. But the only climate man changes is the political climate where you can go from hero to zero when enough people catch on to the fact that you really don’t know what you are talking about!

Cheers Al

Or should that be Cheerio???

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Did You Know? – Another Random Fact Feast!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Random fact feast it is.

Another selection of hopefully interesting facts that you didn’t know you didn’t know.

Enjoy.

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In Raiders of the Lost Ark there is a

wall carving of R2-D2 and C-3P0 behind the ark

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Chinese Checkers is not Chinese.

It was created in America to circumvent the

patent for a popular boardgame called Halma,

invented by a Boston surgeon named George Howard Monks.

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In the 17th century,

the value of pi was known to 35 decimal places.

Today, to 1.2411 trillion.

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Technically speaking, Alaska is the northernmost,

westernmost, and easternmost state of the United States.

Parts of the Aleutian Islands cross over the 180th meridian.

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The original story from “Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights” begins,

“Aladdin was a little Chinese boy.”

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There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice;

it is rebuilt every year.

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In 1959, the USSR launched a craft called the Mechta towards the Moon.

It missed, and instead became (inadvertently) the first

man-made satellite to go into orbit around the Sun.

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It has been calculated that in the last 3,500 years,

there have only been 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world.

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In the 1987 movie ‘Predator’, the character of the Predator

was originally set up for Jean-Claude Van Damme

to play a martial-arts fighting Predator.

However the producers realized much of the cast

were bodybuilders over 6 feet tall (and Van Damme was clearly smaller)

so they cast the enormous 7’ 21/2” Kevin Peter Hall

so that the Predator could realistically physically dominate

the film’s human characters.

Interestingly Hall also appears in the movie

as the helicopter pilot at the end.

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Gatorade’s inventor later created an alcoholic variation,

Hop ’n Gator

— essentially, lemon lime Gatorade mixed with beer.

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At the Great Gettysburg Reunion of 1913,

two men purchased a hatchet,

walked to the site where their regiments had fought,

and buried it.

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Though it’s rarely used,

the word referring to half a computer byte

is a “nibble.”

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Because of the angle at which its esophagus enters its stomach,

the horse is physically unable to vomit.

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The reason why hair turns gray as we age

is because the pigment cells in the hair follicle start to die,

which is responsible for producing “melanin”

which gives the hair colour

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Hydrogen gas is the least dense substance in the world,

at 0.08988g/cc

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The purpose of gasoline rationing during the Second World War

was not to conserve gas, but to conserve TIRES.

The primary source for natural rubber at the time was Southeast Asia,

much of which was under Japanese control.

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The concept of Boxing Day, which is on December 26th,

was to give boxes of food and clothing to the poor.

It is now viewed in some countries as a time

to get merchandise from stores at reduced prices

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Jewelers Tiffany & Co., based in New York, are responsible

for making the Super Bowl trophy

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The world’s most expensive cigarettes.

In 2009, Josh Muszynski used his Visa to buy cigarettes.

Due to a Visa “glitch,” he was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars.

To be exact: $23,148,855,308,184,500

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The popular hip-shaking dance, the merengue,

got its name from the whisking motion required to make meringue.

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