Heed the warning in the title, another selection of warning signs written for the chronically stupid follows.
That these have to be written is a tragedy in itself. That most of them seem to be written by they very people they are aimed at is one of those mysteries that may take years to solve.
In the meantime, enjoy.
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“Malfunction: Too less water.”
A notice left on a coffee machine.
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“Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone.”
On a form in a clinic.
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“You could be a winner!
No purchase necessary.
Details inside.”
On a bag of Fritos.
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“Fits one head.”
On a hotel-provided shower cap box.
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“Payment is due by the due date.”
On a credit card statement.
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“No small children.”
On a laundromat triple washer.
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“Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs.”
A sign, correctly describing the end of a
concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge.
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“Take care: new non-slip surface.”
On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp
that led to the entrance of a building.
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“In case of flood, proceed uphill.
In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly.”
One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.
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“Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar,
vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour,
emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents,
enzymes, water.
May contain ……….fruit.”
The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns.
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“100% pure yarn.”
On a sweater.
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“Some materials may irritate sensitive skin.
Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case.
An Easter themed quiz this Monday appropriately enough.
Most of the questions shouldn’t prove too difficult although there are a few in there that might be challenging.
I’ve included some multiple choice too to help the odds a bit.
Enjoy and good luck.
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Q. 1: Which Jewish religious event often coincides with Easter?
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Q. 2: Who was the first person to see Jesus after his resurrection?
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Q. 3: How long does Lent last for?
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Q. 4: Egg-rolling is a traditional Easter event in seven countries. A point for each one you name correctly.
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Q. 5: How many disciples joined Jesus at the Last Supper?
a) 10 b) 12 c) 14
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Q. 6: What is the religious significance of the egg at Easter?
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Q. 7: In the Christian calendar, what is the name given to the last Sunday before Easter?
a) Palm Sunday b) Pentecost c) Whitsun
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Q. 8: In which country is there a contemporary tradition of reading or watching murder mysteries at Easter?
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Q. 9: Who starred in the movie Easter Parade?
a) Judy Garland b) Ginger Rogers c) Elaine Paige
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Q. 10: When the Roman Governor Pontius Pilate offered to release Jesus, which prisoner did the crowd demand was let go instead?
a) Herod b) Barabbas c) Judas
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Q. 11: Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote the score for which Easter-based musical?
a) Evita b) Jesus Christ Superstar c) Cats Glenn
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Q. 12: Which American island is named after rabbits?
a) Coney Island b) Staten Island c) Long Island
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Q. 13: In Bermuda, the ascent of Christ is symbolized by what?
a) Balloons b) Kites c) Doves d) Fireworks
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Q. 14: What buns do people traditionally eat at Easter?
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Q. 15: What is the name of the disciple who betrayed Jesus and what did he receive as payment? (A point for each correct answer.)
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Q. 16: What does Mardi Gras have to do with Easter?
a) Mardi Gras is the first day of Lent
b) Mardi Gras is the last day to indulge before Lent.
c) Mardi Gras has nothing to do with Easter.
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Q. 17: What does the period of Lent symbolize?
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Q. 18: Which British gangster film stars Bob Hoskins and Helen Mirren?
a) The Long Easter Monday b) The Long Easter Sunday c) The Long Good Friday
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Q. 19: The word ‘quarantine’ literally means ’40 days’. When Neil Armstrong went into quarantine after returning from the Moon, which musical instrument did he take with him?
a) Penny whistle b) Banjo c) Ukulele d) Hammond organ
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Q. 20: “I am the eggman” is a lyric from which song by The Beatles?
a) Paperback Writer b) I Am The Walrus c) Hey Jude
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ANSWERS
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Q. 1: Which Jewish religious event often coincides with Easter?
A. 1: Passover.
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Q. 2: Who was the first person to see Jesus after his resurrection?
A. 2: Mary Magdalene.
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Q. 3: How long does Lent last for?
A. 3: 40 days.
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Q. 4: Egg-rolling is a traditional Easter event in seven countries. A point for each one you name correctly.
A. 4: US, UK, Germany, Denmark, Netherlands, Lithuania, and Egypt.
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Q. 5: How many disciples joined Jesus at the Last Supper?
a) 10 b) 12 c) 14
A. 5: b) 12.
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Q. 6: What is the religious significance of the egg at Easter?
A. 6: It represents the tomb Jesus rose from.
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Q. 7: In the Christian calendar, what is the name given to the last Sunday before Easter?
a) Palm Sunday b) Pentecost c) Whitsun
A. 7: a) Palm Sunday.
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Q. 8: In which country is there a contemporary tradition of reading or watching murder mysteries at Easter?
A. 8: Norway.
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Q. 9: Who starred in the movie Easter Parade?
a) Judy Garland b) Ginger Rogers c) Elaine Paige
A. 9: a) Judy Garland.
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Q. 10: When the Roman Governor Pontius Pilate offered to release Jesus, which prisoner did the crowd demand was let go instead?
a) Herod b) Barabbas c) Judas
A. 10: b) Barabbas.
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Q. 11: Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote the score for which Easter-based musical?
a) Evita b) Jesus Christ Superstar c) Cats Glenn
A. 11: b) Jesus Christ Superstar.
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Q. 12: Which American island is named after rabbits?
a) Coney Island b) Staten Island c) Long Island
A. 12: a) Coney Island.
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Q. 13: In Bermuda, the ascent of Christ is symbolized by what?
a) Balloons b) Kites c) Doves d) Fireworks
A. 13: b) Kites.
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Q. 14: What buns do people traditionally eat at Easter?
A. 14: Hot cross buns.
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Q. 15: What is the name of the disciple who betrayed Jesus and what did he receive as payment? (A point for each correct answer.)
A. 15: Judas Iscariot, and he received 30 pieces of silver.
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Q. 16: What does Mardi Gras have to do with Easter?
a) Mardi Gras is the first day of Lent
b) Mardi Gras is the last day to indulge before Lent.
c) Mardi Gras has nothing to do with Easter.
A. 16: Answer b) Mardi Gras is the last day to indulge before Lent.
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Q. 17: What does the period of Lent symbolize?
A. 17: Jesus’s time in the wilderness.
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Q. 18: Which British gangster film stars Bob Hoskins and Helen Mirren?
a) The Long Easter Monday b) The Long Easter Sunday c) The Long Good Friday
A. 18: c) The Long Good Friday.
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Q. 19: The word ‘quarantine’ literally means ’40 days’. When Neil Armstrong went into quarantine after returning from the Moon, which musical instrument did he take with him?
a) Penny whistle b) Banjo c) Ukulele d) Hammond organ
A. 19: He took c) a Ukulele.
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Q. 20: “I am the eggman” is a lyric from which song by The Beatles?
a) Paperback Writer b) I Am The Walrus c) Hey Jude
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