“I Think,” Said The Sweet Potato, “Therefore I Yam.”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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Well today I yam the poster of more puns.
Keep your groans handy, you might need ‘em.
Enjoy or endure.
rofl.

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You can say what you like

about freedom of speech.

freedom_of_speech_in_europe

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I would love to dance at a metric party,

but I have two left 0.305 meters.

Meter-to-Foot-conversion
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Waiters are good at multiplication

because they know their tables.

waiter
.
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I accidentally grabbed a

live electric cable yesterday.

It really Hertz.

live electric cable
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Capital punishment.

capital PUNISHMENT
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I used to work at a car garage

that had a jet wash.

It was pointless,

there was nowhere for them to land.

airplane washing
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I got a 24 hour clock from

a garage sale for only 10/c.

They’ll be so mad,

it’s lasted far longer.

24 hour clock
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I’m in court accused of the murders of

Dracula and Monte Cristo.

I’m pleading guilty to both Counts.

Dracula and Monte Cristo
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There’s a Muslim in the street carrying a gun.

Police say he’s Ahmed and dangerous.

Ahmed and dangerous
.
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My ex girlfriend text to say that

she’d made a voodoo doll of me.

I think she’s pulling my leg.

Voodoo-doll
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I used to have a job in the police force,

in which I’d break into secure

computer files to uncover criminal activity.

That was until I was met by one system

that proved I wasn’t up to the job.

I just couldn’t hack it.

hacker

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Driving home, I noticed I had a

police car right up my ass.

Must have a word with my nephew

about leaving his toys lying around.

toy-police-car
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I’d been worrying about my

geography exam for a long time.

When I sat down to take it,

the first question read;

“What is the correct term for any wind that

blows between 4 and 30 miles per hour?”

I don’t know what I was worried about.

It was a breeze.

breeze
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I was so nervous when I met my

future father-in-law that i blurted out,

“Sir, May I have your daughters

hole in handy matrimony?”

met my future father-in-law
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What do you call a bunch of

kleptomaniacs with musical instruments?

A Steal Band.
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I Really Can’t Stand Sitting Down.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I bet you can’t stand sitting down either. It’s not easy.

But what is easy is having a look at some more puns.

So here you are.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I just bought a Monopoly set which had no instructions.

What are the chances?

MONOPOLY_c1937_Chance_ElectedChairman

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Sony. Panasonic, Technics, Bang Olufsen, Teac.

They’re just stereotypes.

stereo

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A contestant accused me of being an unfair quiz host.

Point taken.

quiz host

.

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I was walking down the street.

This guy waved to me, then came up to me and said,

“I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

I said, “I am.”

diesel-waving

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Bilbo Baggins has died.

I read it in the hobbituary column.

Bilbo Baggins

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Two mountaineers reach a huge, deep fissure in a glacier.

“Careful here,” says one of them.

“My mountain guide fell down there last year.”

“I bet you feel bad about that,” says the other.

“Not really, it was pretty old and missing a few pages.”

mountaineers

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My friend just finished watching Kill Bill, volume 1;

He said he couldn’t hear it very well, though.

Kill-Bill-Volume-1

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I was reading this book on the anatomy of a pig.

It was pretty standard, but I got to the end

and found there to be a twist in the tale.

cartoon pig with curly tail

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I’ve been out of work for a while but have just got

a job at a factory making periscopes.

Things are looking up.

periscope

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Our Marriage Guidance Counsellor said my wife and I

needed to talk about the elephant in the room.

I turned to my wife and said

”see, even she thinks you’re fat”

the elephant in the room

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It took me ages to change all my clocks.

There’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back!

changing-daylight-savings-time

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I’ve decided to have a party in my vegetable garden tonight.

Lettuce turnip the beet.

Lettuce turnip the beet

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I haven’t used my eBook reader for a while.

Maybe it’s time to rekindle our relationship.

Kindle-Paperwhite

.

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How does the barber cut the moon’s hair?

Eclipse it.

Barber's tools

.

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And speaking of hair, The Beatles’ song,

“Love Me Do” was written by John Lennon

after he’d had a really good haircut.

.

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Did They Really Mean To Say That? – Newspaper Headline Nightmares, Part ten !!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another midweek treat.

The latest batch of newspaper headline nightmares.

Hope you find something in this example of stupidity to make you smile.

Enjoy

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np_deer

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np_doggystyle

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np_dogsex

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np_drdoom

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np_drowning

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.

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np_drunkcaptain

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np_drunkdate

.

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np_earthquake

.

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np_eatery

.

.

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np_feetbrake

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np_ferrarisex

.

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np_findlater

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np_flyingdildo

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np_frequentsex

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Did You Know? More Random Facts From Fasab’s Files

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another chance to increase your knowledge with a very random list of facts from fasab’s files.

Have some fun throwing one or two of these into conversations. It will either make you the hit of the party, or you won’t be asked back. Possibly a win-win scenario!

As always, enjoy.

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did you know2

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“I” is the most spoken word in the English language

 i

 .

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“You” is the second most spoken English word

 i-want-you

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An Olympic gold medal must contain 92.5 percent silver

London 2012 Olympic gold medal

 

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Lee Harvey Oswald’s cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 1992.

Lee Harvey Oswald toe tag

 

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The average American works 24,000 hours in their lifetime

just to pay their taxes

 Tax_Ftrs_TFD_cartoon_8hr_tax_bite

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A quarter of Russia is covered by forest.

Russian forest

 

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A rodents teeth never stop growing.

They are worn down by the animal’s constant gnawing

on bark, leaves, and vegetables.

clipart_mousechew

 

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About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians

died by the time they were thirty.

Pyramids

 

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A Walla Walla scene

is one where extras pretend to be talking in the background

when they say walla walla it looks like they are actually talking.

Extras

 

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Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans

because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

spacesuit cartoon

 

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Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952.

Einstein

 

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Alexander the Great was an epileptic.

(He’d have a fit if he knew I’d told you that!)

Alexander the Great 

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In eighteenth century English gambling dens,

there was an employee whose only job

was to swallow the dice if there was a police raid.

swallow dice

 

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In England, in the 1800’s pants was considered a dirty word.

Pants-DayNewsCartoonOfTheDay

 

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In the movie “Star Trek: First Contact”,

when Picard shows Lilly she is orbiting Earth,

Australia and Papa New Guinea are clearly visible

.. But New Zealand is missing.

Australia - New Zealand

 

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Irving Berlin, who was born on 11 May 1888

and who composed three thousand songs in his lifetime,

couldn’t read music.

Irving-Berlin

 

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It is estimated that millions of trees in the world

are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts

and then forget where they hid them.

 forgetful_squirrel

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Jacques Cousteau invented scuba gear

while in the French resistance during World War II

Jaques Cousteau Scuba gear

 

 .

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The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street

were named after Bert the cop and Ernie

the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Bert-and-Ernie 

.

. 

A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champange

will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.

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May The Fourth Be With You – And This Time I Mean It!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I remember on this day last year starting out with great intentions of doing a Star Wars based post in tribute the day that has become known to many as ‘Star Wars Day’ because of the pun on the memorable phrase coined in the movie series “May the force be with you”.

Unfortunately I failed miserably last year because the post ended up as one about a guy who had built himself a really cool looking laser gun based on the phasers from Star Trek, not Star Wars. (Here’s the link if you missed it –  click here)

So time to make amends.

may the 4th be with you

Taken together the Star Wars series of movies has to be one of the most watched and highest grossing ever in the history of the cinema, if not THE greatest. The original 1977 movie itself has been estimated to have taken $2,710,800,000 in today’s inflation adjusted terms.

On top of that it has spawned a plethora of merchandising material from t-shirts to robots to gadgets to almost everything that could be seen in the movies themselves, and then some!

Top of everyone’s list has to be a lightsabre – I have never met anyone who has seen Star Wars who didn’t want to be the proud owner of a light sabre, including me.

From the first time you saw the flash of light and heard that ‘hummm’, way back in 1977, in Obi-Wan Kenobi’s bungalow, even though you didn’t really know what it was, you still knew you wanted one – needed one!

Well for a bit north of $100 now you can own one, the Star Wars Force FX Lightsaber! It has the light, it has the sound, and it looks the part – well almost.

lightsaber_extended

From the sublime, however, we also have the ridiculous.

Somewhere out there is that great Universe you just know that at least one moron has subjected their poor dog to the indignity of a Star Wars suit. Poor mutt, even the look on its face says it all.

star-wars-at-at-dog-costume

And there are lots of other stuff in between, including these

145560_f520

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  star-wars-chopsticks

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 Star-Wars-themed-Evian-bottles

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star-wars-watch_12

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star-wars-gadgets-mods-darth-vader-clock-2

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r2-code

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sony_dev-5k

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lego-stars-wars-table-soccer

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lego-star-wars-chess-set

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han-solo-desk-2

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Finally, an interesting little piece of trivia that would just as easily have taken its place in one of my ‘Did you know factoids’. 

Star Wars fans were not the first to introduce the line “May the fourth be with you”. When the recently deceased Margaret Thatcher was elected Britain’s first female Prime Minister on May 4, 1979, her party placed an advertisement in The London Evening News that said “May the Fourth Be with You, Maggie. Congratulations.” This reading of the line has also been recorded in the UK Parliament’s Hansard.

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A Special Tribute Edition Of The Daily Blog

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well it seems we are all safe and sound. What did the Mayans know anyway.

Slight change of pace here at the fasab blog today. Instead of the usual offering I have instead a special edition of The Daily Blog which I have been given exclusive permission to reproduce as part of this post.

It’s an interesting story and celebrates a great milestone in the history of blog-world.

(The Daily Blog has been reproduced as a jpg file, so if you have any difficulty reading it on this blog just right click and save it to your hard drive and you should be able to magnify it with your picture viewer.)

The Daily Blog Special Tribute Edition

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50 Aged To Perfection.

So there you have it. John Erickson (50) is…. well… Fifty today. Yes folks, he’s been around for half a century, five decades, six hundred months, two thousand six hundred eight weeks, eighteen thousand two hundred sixty-three days, four hundred thirty-eight thousand three hundred twelve hours, twenty-six million two hundred ninety-eight thousand seven hundred twenty minutes, one billion five hundred seventy-eight million seconds, one trillion five hundred seventy-eight billion milliseconds, one quadrillion five hundred seventy-eight trillion micro seconds, one quintillion five hundred seventy-eight quadrillion nanoseconds, or a hell of a long time!

Decades = 5

Years = 50

Months = 600

Weeks = 2,608

Days = 18,262

Hours = 438,291

Minutes = 26,298,720

Seconds = 1,578,000,000  or 1.578e+9

Milliseconds = 1,578,000,000,000  or 1.578e+12

Microseconds = 1,578,000,000,000,000  or 1.578e+15

Nanoseconds = 1,578,000,000,000,000,000  or 1.578e+18

Very many congratulations John, hope you have a great birthday and here’s to the next 50!!!

(and forget about the candles, that many is a fire hazard, try a 50 watt bulb.)

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Now as an added birthday treat John, you have a liking for cars so what about a trip down automobilia memory lane?

Remember any of these babies?

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1964-Aston-Martin-DB5

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Buick LaSabre 1960

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Ford T'bird 1961

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Cadillac convertible 1963

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jaguar-e-type_07

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Chrysler Newport 1965

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Pontiac Firebird 1967

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Ford Mustang 1967

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Chevrolet Camara 1968

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Dodge Coronet Super Bee 1969

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Oldsmobile Cutlas 1969

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Ford Maverick 1970.

Dodge Dart 1970.

Dodge Challenger 1970.

Chevrolet Impala 1970.

Chevrolet Cheville SS 1970.

Oldsmobile Cutlas 442 1970.

Pontiac Le Mans 1970.

Pontiac GTO 1970.

Ford Torino 500 1971.

AMC Javelin AMX 1972.

Buick Skylark 1972.

Chevrolet Corvette 1972.

Plymouth Duster 1973.

Lincoln Continental Mark V 1974.

Mercury Monterey 1974.

Pontiac TransAM 1975.

Plymouth Barracuda.

Buick Riviera.

Oldsmobile Toronado.

Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham Talisman.

Chrysler New Yorker Brougham.

mercedes-benz_c-111.

monteverdi_hai_450_ss_2.

lamborghini_miura_p400sv.

ferrari_365_bb.

de_tomaso_pantera_gts.

maserati_bora.

ferrari_512_bb.

maserati_khamsin.

lamborghini_countach_lp_400s.

bmw_m1.

aston-martin-db9-2013

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Disclaimer:
Everything on this blog post is provided to you “as is” without warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, or non-infringement. Other tributes are available

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