You’d Think It Should Be Easy, But You’d Be Wrong!

“Fight Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

One of my best friends is a farmer. Or was, he sold up a few years ago, tired of the long hours in all sorts of inclement weather. But he did it for many years and has a host of good stories about incidents that happened during that time.

He was a dairy farmer for a good part of his farming career. As a result he has a healthy respect, but also more than a little contempt for cows. In fact he says they are probably the stupidest animal he has ever come across. (He hasn’t met our dog that thinks it’s a cat yet!)

He says that a cow is probably the only animal that is stupid enough to get stuck behind a open gate. Actually I’ve seen this happen myself. If a field gate is partially open at least one of them will get between it and the hedge or fence and they don’t seem to be able to figure out how to reverse and take a new route out of the field.

If you’re having a laugh at that, good. It’s even funnier when you see it in person I assure you. But there’s something even stupider than the cow I fear. That is people, some people! Take this lady in the video below.

All she has to do is reverse her car out of the garage.

Simple?

Of course not!

Have a look (I’m not sure I would like her driving my kids around, would you?)

(Acknowledgements and thanks to Pradeep for finding this one)




Drivers Ed. Exam Answers

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

Still on the theme of driving today, but in a bit lighter vein than yesterday. This time it isn’t drunks, although one could be forgiven for thinking that some of these bozos were ‘well oiled’ when they took their test.

 

The following are a sampling of real answers received on written exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school. Some of those taking the exam may have deliberately trying to be funny, but sadly I suspect the vast majority were answering as best they could.

 

Here you are.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?

A: What for? He can’t see my license plate.

 

 

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?

A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, ‘Guns don’t kill people. I do.’

 

 

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?

A: Always wear a condom.

 

 

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?

A: Your car.

 

 

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?

A: Be too sh*t-faced to find your keys.

 

 

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving.

A: I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

 

 

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?

A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

 

 

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?

A: Make eye contact and wave ‘hello’ if he/she is cute.

 

 

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?

A: The color.

 

 

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?

A: Heavy psychedelics.

 

Some people like these must have passed their driver’s exam. Check out the video.

 

 

Don’t Drink And Drive, Please!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

I did a post a while ago about how I hate thieves (I still do). Well, me being me, there are others on my hate list too. It isn’t a long list but one prominent group on it is drunk drivers.

There is a simple rule that everyone should follow.

If you want to drink don’t drive and if you want to drive don’t drink.

There are no gray areas.

Don’t think you can follow stupid rules made by stupid bureaucrats. There are no minimum amounts that suit everybody. Drink is like shoes, people take different sizes. I know some people who could drink a bottle of vodka and you wouldn’t even know they’d had a drink. And I know people who if they even sniffed the open bottle would be on their way to being drunk. This has a lot to do with the body’s size, metabolism, how much alcohol it can cope with and in what timescale and so forth.

But it also has to do with the person’s psychological make up too. Some people will get drunk just because they think they should be drunk. Not because they actually are.

You know the type, people who run about like headless chickens if they drink a can of Red Bull even though there’s just about the same amount of caffeine in it as in a cup of tea or coffee. What they’ve really done is swallow the advertising hype as well as the Red Bull. Personally I think it’s lovely stuff, but I’m able to down a couple of tins and still go straight to sleep.

I’ve actually tried an experiment to prove my point. One night at a party at my house I gave real beer to most of the people and alcohol free beer to a couple of the others (without telling them of course). You can guess what happened. Yes, the people who were drinking the non alcoholic beer got just as drunk and had just as good a time as everyone else, and they probably had hangovers to prove it the next morning!

But getting back to drinking and driving, or rather drinking and not driving, I have seen one or two macho morons drinking away and driving away and doing it quite publicly. That’s their real reason of course, doing it publicly. If you are intellectually challenged you imagine that the stupider things you do makes you the bigger man. Truly it doesn’t.

I have also seen one of these morons plough into another car and severely injure some poor innocents, which is very sad. And I’ve also seen the remnants of a car that another moron drove into a tree while drunk. He killed himself, and quite frankly that isn’t so sad at all.

There are a couple of videos below just to prove the dangers, if you want to look at them, but first I’ll end with the inevitable joke.

Enjoy!

 

“I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving. 

As you well know, some people have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before.

I took a bus home.

Sure enough there were police checks, but they waved the bus through without a problem.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise.

I’ve have never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it.”

  – – – – – – – – – – –

 

Now for the videos.

I haven’t included any gory stuff. You all get the point and if you want to research the subject there are a number of videos on youtube.com.

The first I have selected shows a drunk trying to park a car. If one hasn’t the coordination to do something as simple as that when drunk, imagine how much control there would be on the road, particularly in a critical situation.

The second video is a bit long but shows another drunk weaving back and forth across the road (albeit with a rather irritating commentary from the cameraman,  sorry about that). But the drunk gets his just desserts in the end and only injures himself.