Starting: What Jamaican Astronomers Look At.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Starting with a star ting must mean it’s Pun Day.

Another selection of word plays for you to ….

Enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

.

Sadly, the man who invented

the raffle has passed away.

R.I.P Tom Bola.

Tom Bola

.

.

I’ve been merciless with my French class.

I get no thanks.

merci

.

.

I was standing on soft ground

but I didn’t realize at first

because it took a while to sink in.

soft ground

.

.

If you give a physicist to a cannibal,

he’ll eat Faraday.

cartoon-cannibal-fork-13783193

.

.

I’ve read ‘Plumbing For Dummies’ twice and

I still haven’t got a clue what I’m doing.

I guess it’s going to take another

few reads before this sinks in.

Plumbing For Dummies

.

.

If your dad had a sex change,

would he be your transparent.

sex-change_clinic_you_again_234695

.

.

Chinese censors are trying to

ban the use of puns in the media.

This is the wong move, and I hope

Western governments don’t panda to it.

panda

.

.

I’m beginning to see loads of second

hand shops opening up in my area.

Surely selling the complete clock

would be more profitable???

second hand shops

.

.

I just built a huge tower of books.

It had to be like 50 stories.

huge tower of books

.

.

When David Rockefeller was asked to make

a contribution to the American conservation movement,

he planted two Bushes in the White House.

two Bushes in the White House

.

.

Have you seen the new

’30 minutes or it’s free’

cocaine home delivery service?

They call it Instagram.

cocaine home delivery service

.

.

My boyfriend took me out in his new Ferrari last night,

and spent the whole time going on about acceleration,

power-to-weight ratios, handling and braking efficiency,

before dropping me at home and zooming off into the night. 

Frankly, I was hoping for less torque and more action.

new Ferrari 2015

.

.

I went to the doctor because

of my morbid fear of breasts.

He said I’m suffering from

aracknophobia.

Got-Rack-Girls_r7_c1

.

.

I met this dwarf called Peter the other day,

he’s a baker and he was telling

me all about baking flatbreads,

it was fascinating.

I love to hear the

Pita patter of tiny Pete.

flatbread

.

.

Music puns,

Not everyone can Handel them…

.

.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

.

 

I’ve Never Understood Decimals – What’s The Point?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

I may be having difficulty understanding the point of decimals, but I understand the point of a good pun or two.

Hope you do too.

Here is the latest word play selection for you enjoyment.

.

.

I just found a note that says “Dial-a-Party” and a phone number.

I believe this calls for a celebration.

phone

.

.

Went to a 70’s disco the other night.

Bought all sorts of cool gear too; platform boots,

brightly coloured flares, an afro wig…

But in retro specs I looked a twat.

mens-1970s-fashion

.

.

Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma.

There’s no menu, they just give you what you deserve.

Karma - restaurant

.

.

I’m an avid campaigner for the preservation of endangered animals.

You should taste my panda jam.

wwf-panda-logo

.

.

My friend’s always boasting how he once had to

shuffle 52 packs of cards and

then distribute them equally between 4 people.

Big deal.

dealing_cards_wapday-com

.

.

You know who I can’t stand?

Intolerant people.

Bastards!

intolerance

.

.

I had some time to kill yesterday.

So I went round to the mother-in-law’s.

cartoon-mother-in-law-card-by-leahg1

.

.

One by one, all of my best friends have started

to become interested in men as well as women.

So I’m just sitting here, watching the world go bi.

darkow bi-ball

.

.

My wife has just texted me asking me to ‘do her’ tonight.

I’m not looking forward to it, I’m useless at impressions.

first-impressions-cartoon-2

.

.

I was taking the freeway out of LA the other day

when the cops pulled me over and said:

‘Put it back’.

freeway

.

.

Guy #1:  “I call my girlfriend ‘Miss Universe’.”

Guy #2:  “Is it because she’s so beautiful?”

Guy #1:  “No it’s ’cause she’s constantly expanding, the fat cow!” 

scared-cat-cartoon-kitty-frightened-of-fat-lady-from-behind

.

.

I used to keep poking myself in my eyes,

but don’t worry,

I can’t see myself doing it again.

poking

.

.

Archaeologists have just discovered

an ancient Egyptian ruler embalmed in chocolate.

Apparently it was Pharaoh Rocher.

choc body

.

.

My tailor has stitched the bottom

of my trousers the wrong way around.

Meh.

fashion681

.

.

I pulled a cracker last Christmas.

There’s a joke in there somewhere.

christmas-crackers-and-decoration

.

.

Can anybody tell me where Jeopardy is?

Apparently there’s 1000s of jobs there.

Jeopardy Logo

.

.

My teacher handed me a blank piece of white paper.

“Make a paper plane,” she said.

“It already is,” I said.

blank paper

.

.

My opinion on fishmongers?

Selfish.

fishmonger

.

.

My friend just showed me a picture of his new girlfriend,

who he says is from Eastern Europe.

I looked at the picture and said

‘she looks nothing like a frog.’

‘What are you on about?’ He said.

‘I told you she’s a Tad-Polish.’

frog-tadpoles

.

.

I think my mum is going senile.

I just told her that my girlfriend is pregnant with my daughter.

She asked me, “Do you have a name?”

I said, “I’ve always had a name, for goodness sake, it’s me, David.”

mother_here_phone

.

=======================================

.

How To Feature On The Fasab Blog

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

To become the subject matter on a post on the Fasab blog you either have to be incredibly stupid, incredibly bad at your job, incredibly awkward or unhelpful, or do or say something so dumb it’s actually hilarious.

That’s most of the time. The other way to get a mention is to do something rather impressive or inspiring.

A number of posts have also included animals, usually interacting with people, but very few that I can think of have featured animals only. Not surprisingly therefore today’s does.

The first of these includes some really fabulous high speed video of an Eagle Owl in flight

http://www.dogwork.com/owfo8/

 .

 .

The second one is the Flashdance dog

http://www.dogwork.com/maniacb/

 .

.

The third is a Monkey having some fun with a couple of Tiger cubs

.


.

.

The fourth is a Crazy Dog – you’ll soon see why

.


.

.

And finally a baby Panda sneezing – just watch the mother’s reaction!