May Day, May Day? Nope, Just Pun Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Mayday? No emergency here, unless you are allergic to bad jokes.

Coz it’s Pun Day again!

Enjoy or endure.

.

rofl

.

I’m in dispute with my TV program supplier

as they’re trying to charge me for my satellite dish.

I’m sure they told me it would be on the house.  

satellite dish on the house

.

.

My favourite pick up line…

‘Pick that up’        

Pick that up

.

.

Breaking News:

“UN-Staffed office bombed”

Phew, just as well there was no-one there then.      

empty-office

.

.

Today, I saw a sign at a picture framing shop that said,

“Shoot the family, hang the kids, frame the wife.”

Don’t photographers have a dark sense of humour?

picture framing shop

.

.

My New Year’s resolution is to save

enough money to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it. 

Velcro wall

.

.

God is talking to one of his angels. He says,

“Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of

alternating light and darkness on Earth.”

“What are you going to do now?” asks the angel.

“Call it a day,” says God.

good-day

.

.

I came downstairs this morning

to see that my curtains were drawn.

All the furniture was real though.

curtains drawn

.

.

I saw a woman stood in her flooded front room crying.

I thought, “If anything, you’re just making it worse.” 

flooded front room crying

.

.

Do you know what really makes me smile?

Facial muscles.

face-muscles

.

.

I hired a private detective to investigate the sudden

death of my Grandad, while in intensive care.

He followed a few leads.

Faulty plug on the life support machine, apparently.

Faulty plug on the life support machine

.

.

My son was up all night answering questions about resistors.

His Physics teacher always sets too much Ohm work.

Ohm work

.

.

Towards the end of the Jurassic period,

the Thesaurus was the first dinosaur to become

extinct, obsolete, belated, vanished and wiped out.

thesaurus_t-shirt

.

.

Body-snatching.

It’s not the winning,

it’s the taking parts that counts.

Body-snatching

.

.

This makes no sense – yesterday my calculator

was working fine, today it isn’t working at all.

It just doesn’t add up.

calculator

.

.

When I was a boy, my friends said

quoting songs would get me nowhere.

Well, Against All Odds, Take A Look At Me Now.

.

.

=======================================

.

Did You Know? The Facts Are Here!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

The facts are certainly here.

It’s up to you to choose how valuable and interesting they are.

Apart from anything else I hope you enjoy reading them.

.

did you know1

.

To save money when you shop, don’t touch anything.

Touching an item makes you more likely to buy it, and willing to pay more.

http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1889081,00.html

did you know touching

.

.

The famous US Pony Express only lasted a single year

before the transcontinental telegraph made the route obsolete.

did you know pony express

.

.

In a 2008 survey,

58% of British teens thought Sherlock Holmes was a real guy,

while 20% thought Winston Churchill was not.

did you know churchill-holmes

.

.

Before his writing career took off, Dan Brown was a singer/songwriter.

His second album was titled Angels & Demons.

did you know angelsdemons

.

.

During a 1956 speech for his campaign of de-Stalinization,

Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev was asked by an unseen audience member why,

as an advisor to the dictator, he had never stopped Stalin from committing his atrocities.

Khrushchev immediately lashed out, “Who said that?”

The room grew quiet.

Khrushchev repeated his query to more silence, waited a beat,

and then said, “Well, now you understand why.”

did you know Khrushchev

.

.

The first US President to earn a PhD was Woodrow Wilson.

did you know Woodrow Wilson

.

.

The U.K.’s police headquarters, Scotland Yard,

is not (and never was) located in Scotland.

Scotland Yard was originally a palace

where Scottish royalty stayed when visiting London.

did you know New_Scotland_Yard_sign

.

.

Wendy’s founder, Dave Thomas,

used to work for Kentucky Fried Chicken.

did you know Dave Thomas Wendy's

.

.

The first VCR, developed by the Ampex Corporation in 1956,

weighed nearly 1,500 lbs.

It took another 15 years before a commercially viable product hit the scene.

did you know ampex-commercial-vtr-1956

.

.

The Vatican Bank is the world’s only bank

that allows ATM users to perform transactions in Latin.

did you know ATM-Latin

.

.

The municipal government of Paris passed a resolution

to prohibit Tom Cruise from becoming an honorary citizen of the city.

For them it was ‘une mission impossible!’

did you know Tom Cruise Mission_Impossible_II_(MI2)

.

.

Only one U.S. coin

— the zinc-coated steel penny produced during World War II —

can be picked up by a magnet.

did you know WWII steel penny

.

.

During the Vietnam War, the Viet Cong hid IEDs in empty soda cans

because they observed that US Soldiers enjoyed kicking empty cans

while marching down the road.

Warning to the politicians perhaps who recently

have done little else but kick the can down the road.

did you know kicking-the-can-down-the-road

.

.

Simon Bolivar is the only person in the world

to have two sovereign nations named after him:

Bolivia

and

Venezuela

(the country’s full name is Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela).

did you know bolivar

.

.

At the 1960 Winter Olympic Games,

Walt Disney was Chairman of the Pageantry Committee

that was responsible for producing both

the opening and closing ceremonies.

did you know walt_olympics

.

.

Butterflies range in size from a tiny 1/8 inch to a huge almost 12 inches.

did you know butterfly

.

.

After racking up a $40 late fee on a VHS copy of Apollo 13,

Reed Hastings was inspired to start Netflix

did you know Netflix-CEO-Reed-Hastings

.

.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

did you know bang-head-here

.

.

The most Academy Awards (Oscars) won by a woman was eight,

by Edith Head, all for Costume Design

did you know the-much-honored-costume-designer-edith-head-1954

.

.

Black-eyed peas aren’t peas, but beans,

and also a famous American hip hop group.

And coffee beans aren’t beans, but seeds.

.

.

========================================

.