Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire – Some Hot Facts!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We’ll get to one of the biggest liars America has produced later.

But ahead of that have a look at another selection of fasab facts.

And…

Enjoy.

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cartoon leader of the leader of the free world

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There is a lake in Australia called Lake Hillier

that is a bright shade of pink.

Unlike with other similar lakes,

scientists are still not completely sure why.

Lake Hillier Australia

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Bill Nye the Science Guy

originally wanted to be an astronaut,

but NASA kept rejecting him.

Bill Nye the Science Guy

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In 476 AD the Western Roman Empire fell

and the Eastern Empire survived

as what we know today as the Byzantine Empire.

Byzantine Empire map

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Charlie Chaplin once lost a

Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest

Charlie Chaplin

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Although there have been emails floating about

for years containing many false facts about

Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy,

there were a few that are true and interesting.

Lincoln was elected to congress in 1846,

Kennedy in 1946.

Lincoln became president in 1860,

Kennedy in 1960 (though sworn in 1961).

And both were eventually shot in the head on a Friday.

Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy

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Inca mail was delivered along their network of roads

by way of messengers who would hand mail off

to each other using a sort of relay system.

A bit like the Pony Express without the ponies!

Inca mail

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1% of the world’s population

eats at McDonalds every day.

McDonalds meal

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Named by a Japanese scientist after

a 3rd-century Japanese shaman queen, Himiko,

is a giant gas cloud and one of the largest

objects ever found in space.

With a length of about 55,000 light years,

the cloud is roughly the equivalent

mass of 40 billion Suns.

3rd-century Japanese shaman queen, Himiko

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The top ten feet of the oceans

holds the same amount of heat

as the entire atmosphere

ocean

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In the early 20th century, scientists thought

our nerves transmitted information electrically.

After a dream, Dr. Otto Loewi awoke during the night

and scribbled some thoughts on a paper.

Upon waking in the morning,

he realized  he had written about information

being transmitted chemically,

later proven to be true and

winning him the Nobel Prize in 1936.

Dr. Otto Loewi

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Justinian was the last emperor

to use the title ‘Caesar’.

Justinian

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A liar tends not to use contractions.

For example, “I didn’t do it”

statistically tends to be a more truthful

statement that “I did not do it”.

Remember Bill Clinton,

he didn’t say, “I didn’t do it”,

he said,

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

He lied.

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I’m Planning On Being More Spontaneous In The Future.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun Day is here again.

I’m sure you’re delighted!

So here is the latest assortment of word play jokes.

Enjoy or endure.

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rofl

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Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

scarecrow

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The dealer asked me ‘how much are you willing to pay for the car?’

‘1500, tops’, I responded

‘OK,’ he replied, ‘but they better be short sleeved’.

short sleeved tops

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If I had a penny for every time someone

gave me their dog to look after,

I’d have a pound!

dog pound

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I phoned 911 to report my bike being stolen in the park.

They asked, “What does it look like?”

I replied, “It’s big, green and full of swings.”

swings in park

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Isn’t it odd that funerals always begin

not with sorrow but with fun?

fun funeral

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Female Ninjas

Now there’s something you don’t see.

camouflaged

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The case against a donut thief

turned out to be full of holes.

donut_van_chase

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When the TV repairman got married

the reception was excellent.

tv repairman

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I’ve been sleeping with this bloke’s wife and today he sent me this text:

“You go near her again and ill have you dead! Mark my words!”

To which I replied:

“8 out of 10, I’ll requires an apostrophe and a capital I.”

phone-texting

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When Vincent van Gogh cut off his left ear,

his right ear was left.

Vincent van Gogh

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I failed my medical school entrance exam because of nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

medical school entrance exam

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To some – marriage is a word…

to others – a sentence.

marriage_is_not_a_word_its_a_sentence_t_shirt

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Saw a dude squatting behind a gravestone in the old graveyard.

I thought “What is he doing? I’m letting him know that I see him”

So I shouted “Morning!”

And he shouts back, “Nah, just taking a dump.”

no dumping

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Headline taken from the Peterborough Evening Telegraph:

“MPs call for jobs blow to be reversed”

peterborough jobs blow

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Never mind the fifth Beatle, what about the other

three hundred and fifty seven Degrees?

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Blunt Knives Are Pointless

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Blunt knives may be pointless, but let’s hope these puns aren’t.

Here we go with another selection of the word play bad jokes.

Enjoy.

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He drove his expensive car into a tree

and found out how the Mercedes bends.

merc crash

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When two egotists meet,

it’s an I for an I.

egotists

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I don’t know why the chicken did it

but crossing the road was poultry in motion.

why did the chicken cross the road

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I was walking down the street today when this hippie jumped

out of nowhere and shoved a joss stick in my face.

I was incensed!

Incense_Sticks

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When I was a kid I wanted to be a history teacher

but when I got older I realized there was no future in it.

History teacher

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One of the girls at the local S&M club had a birthday last week.

We had a whip round for her.

sales_and_marketing

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73% of women buy clothes but never wear them.

I’d like to meet those women.

naked_woman_cartoon

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The other week I made a joke about Alzheimer’s live on TV.

You should have seen the envelopes I got.

empty envelope

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I hate germ warfare.

It gets right on my nerves.

germ_warfare

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The President says that terrorism poses a threat to every single person in the USA.

That doesn’t bother me – I got married last week.

wedding-couple-cartoon

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A jumper cable walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

jumper cables

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I used to hunt seals in my youth.
I’m getting a bit old for the club scene now.

Baby  seal

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Old McDonald had a farm.

Sang the cheery repossession man

Foreclosure Notice

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Don’t take life too seriously;

No one gets out alive.

Dont-Take-Life-Too-Seriously

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