I Used To Be Quite Good At Wordplay. Once A Pun A Time!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Once a pun a time there was a blog that championed that element of humor called word play. You are about to read the latest batch of these puns right now.

So all that remains to be said is, enjoy!

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I walked into the boss’s office and handed him a pear.

“What’s this for?” He asked.

“A pay rise.” I replied.

“My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you.”

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The other day a friend of mine hit me with a chocolate bar.

How dairy!

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HMV to close sixty stores.

Is this the Vinyl Countdown?

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I won £10,000 on a scratchcard last week and the wife said

we should draw up a list of what to spend it on.

“Well, I’m going to book a holiday for one.”

“Oh goody” she screamed excitedly, “I can’t wait!”

Can’t help thinking she’s misunderstood what I said.

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I was reading through the ingredients for

a fruit salad I’m making today and it said:

“Pineapples: five cubed.”

I’m not sure though,

125 will probably be too many.

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My friend has no hands.

I feel for him.

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When I was young, my mum always used to hit me with the telephone.

I was always on the receiving end…..

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My calculator is missing the minus button,

but on the plus side, it still works.

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A gay guy asked me if I liked to blow people.

I told him I’m not a fan.

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I just hired a really uncomfortable car.

It Hertz like hell.

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I said to my friend, “I just watched that film about the Nazis.”

He said, “Oh what, the one with Adolf in?”

I said, “No mate, you’re thinking of ‘Flipper’, this was just about the Nazis.”

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I went house hunting at the weekend.

I went to see one house that had mirrors all over the walls.

I thought, “I can see myself living here.”

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I told my Chinese friend that I bought very cheap cigarettes

that were shipped in from a foreign country.

He said, “Is that Regal?”

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Why shouldn’t you buy Ukrainian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

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I was walking into my local pub,

when I suddenly realized it was darts night.

So I did a 180 and left.

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Our Brazilian housekeeper is rubbish at making the beds.

She’s very tidy downstairs though.            

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There was an unbelievably close finish

in this years “Shemale of the year” contest.

It was a Thai.        

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Everyone can put on their curriculum vitae

that they know a little Latin.

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I’ve got a fear of two-letter words.

I get scared just thinking about it.

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I turned to my wife last night and said,

“I’m into anal”.

She gave me a look of despair and glared at me as she said,

“Animal”.

I love it when we do the cryptic crossword together.

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Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What would Thursdays be without a few puns?

Well, yes, okay it would still be Thursday, but a lot less enjoyable.

So what are you waiting for?

I’m sure you are already salivating at the prospect.

Enjoy!

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My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep.

I knew I was destined for osteology.

I could feel it in my bones.

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There’s been a break in at a local puzzle factory.

Authorities are still trying to piece things together.

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The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

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The hardest time in a man’s life

is between puberty and impotence.

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I used to think I was trapped in a woman’s body…

Then I was born.

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Never hit a man with glasses.

Hit him with a baseball bat.

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I did some DIY with my step-ladder the other night.

I never really got along with my real ladder.

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My Uncle had his tongue shot off during World War II.

He doesn’t talk about it, though.

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Some people like Pachyderms.

But I find them irrelephant

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My wife left me because of my obsession with sporting puns.

its a shame really because i wanted to discus it.

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I went to the dentist the other day and he told me that he was sick of hearing puns about his job.

So I told him ‘I had a filling you were going to say that’

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I would prefer it if there were Fuhrer puns about the Nazis, thanks very much.

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Did you hear about the transvestite blues singer?

He woke up one morning and he had the blouse.

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I hate when people try to use the word infinity just to be clever.

It annoys me to no end.

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