Can You Believe It? I’ve Run Out Of Puns!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Okay, wipe that smirk off your faces.

Of course I haven’t run out of puns. Whoever would believe such a thing.

And just to prove it, here are some more.

Enjoy, I know you will.

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I ate the burger with relish.

Relish_LargeLogo

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Q: Why did Mozart kill all his chickens ?

A: Because all they would say was ” Bach , Bach ………Bach , Bach”

bachbachbach

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You say that this beverage is non-alcoholic.

But where is the proof?

non alcoholic drink

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The best vitamin for making friends is B-1.

vitamin-b1

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When they said I was mad I went out and got drunk.

I guess it was a choice between having a bottle in front of me

or a frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy

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When the artist tried to draw a cube he had a mental block.

mentalBlock

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Coffee is for mugs

coffee mug

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Just been on bigbustycoons.com

Damn, those guys have really good bus companies.

bus companies

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My wife shouted upstairs, “The sun’s just come out.”

I thought great, threw on some shorts and

flip flops and shot down the stairs.

I was rather shocked when I got down to find

our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

out of the closet

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There’s no denying it, Rap is 75% Crap

rap crap

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I just saw an advert for the new film: ‘The Hole – Now in 3D!’

Well, surely it has to be in 3D otherwise it’s just a circle.

3d_hole

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You invented White Out didn’t you?

Correct me If I’m wrong….

whiteout

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A lot of stupid people who don’t keep up with current

affairs still don’t know who Kim Jong Un is.

Duhhh, she is the leader of North Korea.

KimJongUnasWoman

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An unnamed weatherman has reacted angrily to being

sacked because he always gives cold gloomy forecasts.

So I guess it’s no more mist and ice guy.

weatherman

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Q. What makes a riot?

A. Three dyslexics.

dyslexia

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A colleague just burst into my office

while I was busy working

and demanded to know what an

electrical synapse in the human body was.

The nerve.

neuron

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Did you hear about the guy who got his thrills

by shoving resistors up his bottom.

He definitely sounds like an Ohmosexual to me.

ohm and resistance symbol

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My internet bride got delivered today.

She’s the WiFi always dreamed of.

WiFi Bride

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If you were lost in fog, would you be mist?

lost in fog

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Finally some news from this week on the stock market.

Helium was up, but feathers were down.

Paper was stationary, but pencils lost a few points.

Elevators rose but escalators continued their slow decline.

Switches were off and mining equipment hit rock bottom.

The raisin market has dried up.

Pampers remained unchanged while Sun peaked at mid-day.

Andrex tissues touched a new bottom.

stock_market

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Why Are Puns So Popular?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I’ve been doing puns for a while now and it seems that a lot of other people like them too. I just can’t figure out the reason. I mean the jokes themselves are, to say the least, sometimes contrived and quite bad. Yet people groan, grimace and laugh and come back for more – me included, I’m just not sure why.

If you think you have the answer do let me know.

Meantime enjoy this week’s selection.

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The other day someone left a piece of silly putty in my house. I didn’t know what to make of it.

color silly putty or  plasticine

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My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.

compulsive gambler

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Some people are making Rapture jokes like there’s no tomorrow.

the end is coming

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Tea is for mugs.

tea mug

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Did you hear about the physics student who couldn’t understand quantum theory? He was thicker than a Planck!

Max Planck (1858 - 1917), German physicist considered the founder of the quantum theory.
Max Planck (1858 – 1917), German physicist considered the founder of the quantum theory.

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A woman was attacked by a troupe of mime artists. They performed unspeakable acts on her.

mime gang

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Wind turbines. I’m a big fan.

wind turbine fan cartoon

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NBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision. How fast must they have been walking?

pedestrian collision

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Don’t you just hate it when people think there clever but use the wrong grammar?

grammar cartoon

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Iraq drastically needs to reduce its car bomb footprint.

used car showroom, Iraq

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A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.

bookshelf

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“So, how’s life in North Korea?”

“Well, I can’t complain.”

kim-jong-il-cartoon

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How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?  It’s not hard.

How-do-you-find-a-blind-man

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Cocaine is never a solution. Unless, of course, you dissolve it in water.

cocaine drink

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I got a phone call from electric company to say my bill was outstanding. I said, “Thanks!”

outstanding bill

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I often say to myself, “I can’t believe that cloning machine worked!”

cloning machine

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When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.

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