What Would Mondays Be Without Another Quiz?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What would Mondays be without another quiz to get the intellect moving.

They’re random, they’re easy except for the difficult ones, and one or two are a bit tricky.

Try them out and see how you do.

The answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy.

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quiz7

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Q  1:  Which city in the world has the most hotel rooms?

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Q  2:  What is a baby kangaroo called?

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Q  3:  The wheelbarrow was invented by whom?

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Q  4:  Who was the first player to win $1 million on the PGA Tour?

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Q  5:  Who is known as Rashin Coatie in Scotland, Zezolla in Italy, and Yeh-hsien in China?

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Q  6:  What is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt.”

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Q  7:  What world’s best-selling book, is also the world’s most shoplifted book?

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Q  8:  How are Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine related?

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Q  9:  What is the only country with a square flag?

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Q 10:  What is the only US state that has borders with only one other US state.

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Q 11:  The largest taxi fleet in the world is found in which city?

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Q 12:  What is the largest landlocked country in the world?

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Q 13:  Dogs, monkeys and humans have been sent into space, but never birds. Why?

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Q 14:  What question can you never answer “yes” to without lying?

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Q 15:  How many birthdays does the average man have?

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Q 16:  What turns everything around without moving?     

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Q 17:  What type of building has the most stories?        

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Q 18:  Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest what?

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Q 19:  In which American city are there famously fewer people than there are automobiles.

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Q 20:  What movie character is also known as “Mr. Kiss-Kiss-Bang-Bang”?

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ANSWERS

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Q  1:  Which city in the world has the most hotel rooms?

A  1:  Las Vegas

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Q  2:  What is a baby kangaroo called?

A  2:  A joey

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Q  3:  The wheelbarrow was invented by whom?

A  3:  The Chinese.

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Q  4:  Who was the first player to win $1 million on the PGA Tour?

A  4:  Arnold Palmer

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Q  5:  Who is known as Rashin Coatie in Scotland, Zezolla in Italy, and Yeh-hsien in China?

A  5:  Cinderella

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Q  6:  What is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt.”

A  6:  “Dreamt”

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Q  7:  What world’s best-selling book, is also the world’s most shoplifted book?

A  7:  The Bible

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Q  8:  How are Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine related?

A  8:  They are brother and sister.

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Q  9:  What is the only country with a square flag?

A  9:  Switzerland

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Q 10:  What is the only US state that has borders with only one other US state.

A 10:  Maine

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Q 11:  The largest taxi fleet in the world is found in which city?

A 11:  Mexico City. The city boasts a fleet of over 60,000 taxis.

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Q 12:  What is the largest landlocked country in the world?

A 12:  Mongolia

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Q 13:  Dogs, monkeys and humans have been sent into space, but never birds. Why?

A 13:  Because they would soon die; birds need gravity to swallow.

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Q 14:  What question can you never answer “yes” to without lying?

A 14:   “Are you asleep?”

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Q 15:  How many birthdays does the average man have?

A 15:  One. Every year you celebrate that day in which you were born – but it is not your ‘birth day’.

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Q 16:  What turns everything around without moving?     

A  16:  A Mirror

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Q 17:  What type of building has the most stories?        

A 17:  Library

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Q 18:  Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest what?

A 18:  Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams.

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Q 19:  In which American city are there famously fewer people than there are automobiles.

A 19:  Los Angeles or L.A.

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Q 20:  What movie character is also known as “Mr. Kiss-Kiss-Bang-Bang”?

A 20:  James Bond

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Welcome To A Bumper Seasonal Edition Of Puns For The Holidays

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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This week I have a bumper seasonal selection of word plays or puns that are all about or related to the Christmas Holiday Season. Some of them will sleigh you!

They aren’t any better or worse than normal, just themed.

And please don’t say they themed better last week!!!

Enjoy.

Doing puns is my stocking trade at this time of year…

christmas-stocking

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

low elf esteem

What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis.

tinselitis

What did the salt say to the pepper at Christmas?

Season’s Greetings.

santa salt pepper shakers

What do monkeys sing at Christmas time?

“Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way.”

jungle bells

Why did they ask the turkey to join the band?

Because he had the drum sticks.

turkey drumsticks

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?

Thanks, I’ll never part with it!

bald man comb over

A man walks into a diner desiring breakfast.

The waitress seats him and he asks what the specials are.

She tells him the Christmas special is Eggs Benedict.

He orders the special.

A little later, the waitress comes out with the Eggs Benedict, served on hubcaps.

Surprised, he asks why the hubcaps instead of regular plates?

Her response?

“There’s no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise.”

Dave's diner

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?

Missle toe!

Missle-Toe cartoon!

What is Santa’s primary language?

North Polish.

polish santa claus

Is Christmas the one day of the year we can all say our children are truly gifted!

Cartoon kids Christmas gifts

What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad?

A pineapple.

cartoon pineapple

Why does Santa like to go down chimneys?

Because it soots him!

sooty Santa

Won’t all that soot make him sick? No. He’s had his flue shot.

cartoon doctor

What famous playwright was intimidated by Christmas?

Noel Coward

Noel Coward cartoon

How do sheep in Spain say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad!

fleece navidad

“Wouldn’t just gold and frankincense do?” the third wise man demurred.

cartoon-of-the-three-wise-men-with-gold-frankincense-and-myrrh

Why do you have to make sure the fire is out for Santa Claus coming down the chimney?

Coz if you didn’t you’d end up with a Crisp Cringle?

santa fire in chimney cartoon

What is a computer nerd’s favorite hymn?

Oh, .com all ye faithful!

computer_nerd

Why wasn’t the turkey hungry at Christmas time?

Because he was stuffed.

Stuffed_Turkey

Once there was a Tsar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great.

One day as he was standing in his house with his wife he looked out the window and saw something happening.

He says to his wife, “Look honey. It’s raining.” 

She, being the obstinate type, responded, ”I don’t think so, dear. I think it’s snowing.” 

But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, ”Let’s step outside and we’ll find out.” 

Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain.

So Rudolph turns to his wife and says, ”I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!”

Russian Tsar

If you don’t believe in Xmas parties do you still remain eggnogstic?

tumbler-of-egg-nog

When the innkeeper’s assistant told Joseph there was no room at the Inn, he said “I’d like to see the manger.”

Joseph at the Inn

I was fed up by the time I got to my last present so I wrapped it up.

wrapping present

Are people who are afraid of Santa Claus-trophobic?

scared-of-santa

Oh, like I hadn’t heard that old chestnut before.

roasting chestnuts

“Why don’t we ever hear about ‘Olive,’ the 10th reindeer?” asked Bert.

“What 10th Reindeer?” asked Scott.

“You know. Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.”

OLIVE, THE OTHER REINDEER

Scrooge loves all the male reindeer, because every buck is dear to him.

mister scrooge magoo

What do you call Santa’s helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

joke-subordinate-clause-santas-helpers

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.

Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.

Which one picked it up?

Santa of course, because the other two don’t exist!

santa-claus-flying-his-sleigh

Then there was the golfer who played on Christmas and hit a birdie. It was a partridge on a par 3.

cartoon-santa-playing-golf

The garden center got all spruced up to sell Christmas trees.

Christmas trees

This is not fir I can’t think of any more.

cartoon_christmas_tree

What is there left to say except have a Happy Holly Day.

Holly crown with red bow

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