What Do I Think Of Message Boards? I’m Forum!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And I’m for punny jokes too.

The worse, the better.

Here’s some more.

Enjoy or endure!

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Downloading digital audio has completely revolutionized our lives.

It’s the biggest change in the way we buy music since records began.

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I went to the doctors today

about my addiction to astrology.

He said “What are the signs?”

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For Sale:

Grandfather clock

– only one part missing.

Second hand.

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My wife asked me to fix a

plug for her this morning.

I refused.

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Did you hear about the guy who 

trashed a Chinese restaurant?

He’s being charged with

Wonton Destruction.

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I looked up ‘Opaque’ in the dictionary today.

The definition was not very clear.

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Scientists who were against genetic engineering

have managed to cross a seagull with a sheep,

which is a massive ewe tern.

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I bought a belt made entirely from five dollar bills.

It was a waist of money.

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What is a group of deaf people called?

I bet it’s not a herd.

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To help change her appearance my missus

has started using clay facials with cucumber slices

over her eyes and her hair in rollers.

It helps, but I can still tell it’s her.

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I got stopped by a policeman

while I was driving along the road.

I stopped, opened the window and he said

“This is a spot check.”

So I replied

“I’ve got 2 blackheads and a boil on my bottom!”

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Fibonacci numbers.

It’s as easy as 1, 1, 2, 3.

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I hate the local debating group.

They discussed me.

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So; if men are from Mars

and women are from Venus,

do gay men come from Uranus?

(Oh oh, that’s going to offend somebody!)

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We used to call the printer in the office ‘Bob Marley’.

It was always jammin!

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Is It Just Me, Or Are There Any Other Anagrams Of Em?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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No, it’s not just me.

Loads of people like puns and pun day.

Here’s another one.

Enjoy!

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If you’re fishing for compliments

it’s best to use allure.

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I just pitched a tent in the garden.

Surprised myself how far I could throw it.

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I was telling a friend that I made a

ventriloquist’s dummy out of some old carpet.

“Any good?” he queried.

“Nah, it’s ruggish,” I replied.

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I was stunned to find my Taser gun was still switched on.

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I shouldn’t have dumped my girlfriend after

overhearing her making fun of my poor endowment.

Turned out she was a financial adviser

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I’ve been using X and Y chromosomes in my

adverts recently since, after all, sex cells…

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Last night I looked up at the stars and thought:

“It’s crap being a dwarf in Hollywood.”

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When I was young, I used to think CCTV was

a very positive Spanish television channel.

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I’ve got an injured extraterrestrial in my shed.

He’s missing an eye.

I’ve called him Alen.

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My dog’s been sitting in the corner, feeling

sorry for himself, for three days.

I knew I shouldn’t have bought a Pitiful Terrier

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I saw a headline in the local paper:

“Huge Grant Saves Derelict Theatre”.

I thought: That was nice of him.

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I’m a doctor. My wife’s a judge.

She knows how to try my patients.

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My missus says she is leaving me because of my obsession with pool.

“Come on love”, I said. “Give me a break”.

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I thought I’d dug up an unknown species

of dinosaur in my back garden.

Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum,

but it turned out to be a fossil arm.

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I’ve taken thousands of showers over the years.

Never been caught once.

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A friend asked me if I knew any words that could describe relief.

I told him I know a phew

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I bought a new thesaurus today.

It’s nothing to write house about.

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I went for a colonic irrigation today,

then got hit with a huge $659 bill.

It really cleaned me out.

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I phoned up the incontinence hotline today and

the lady on the other end asked where I’m ringing from.

I said, “From the waist down.”

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What do Mexican Robots Eat?

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