Boffin Bollocks!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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mad scientist cartoon

I would love to have been a scientist.

Not a real one, I’m not clever enough or dedicated enough for that. Rather, I would have loved to have been one of those idiots who try to make a name for themselves off pronouncements on things about which they know absolutely nothing.

I saw another one of their headline grabbers (that I like to call “boffin bollocks”) recently. The headline went something like “Shock Warning Aliens Are Coming.” And it wasn’t about more Mexicans making their way north across the US border.

It was from NASA’s Chief Scientist, Ellen Stofan, and claimed that first contact with alien life will happen “very soon” – very soon being not tomorrow, but within the next decade or two.

“We know where to look,” she confirmed.

Yes, “UP” would be my non-scientific guess at the best direction.

“We know how to look,” she added.

Again I am forced to agree. Personally I’d use a telescope, and a great big one, but that’s only me!

astronomer cartoon www.davidreneke.com

Ms Stofan was ably backed up by a colleague, John M. Grunsfeld, who came out with good sound bite words and phrases like “solar system”, “galaxy”, “the icy crusts of Jupiter’s moons Ganymede and Europa” (my favorite I think) and “the internal water within Saturn’s moon Enceladus”.

Mars and the Martians also got mentioned, but only with suggestions that life may have at one time been present on the planet. H. G. and Orson Wells had beaten them to visits by the ‘real’ Martians many, many years ago.

War of the Worlds

More scientists, this time at the Parkes Observatory in Australia, have been carefully studying peryton-a type of radio signals similar to Fast Radio Bursts (FRBs) which are known to come from somewhere else in the galaxy.

For years, they had been puzzled by these brief but intense bursts of radio waves that in some ways appeared to be coming from deep space. There have been dozens of reported perytons, some dating back to the 1990s, and theories about the signals’ origin included ball lightning, aircraft, and components of the telescopes themselves.

Then this year they made a break through. They discovered the source of the rogue signals. They were coming from – no, not somewhere deep in the galaxy – but instead from the microwave oven in the next room.

In what has to be the understatement of the year, Emily Petroff of Australia’s Swinburne University of Technology admitted, “It was quite surprising that it ended up being microwaves.”  I bet it was!

microwave aliens

I must add that I’m a big fan of space exploration, always have been, since I was a kid and was captivated by the television coverage of the Apollo missions. My only regret is that it all takes so very long that I will have gone ‘supernova’ before we see any tangible results of that exploration. There’s never a handy wormhole around when you need one, is there!

I am also a big fan of TV sci-fi series like the Star Treks, the Stargates and so forth, and of movies from ‘War of the Worlds’, thru ‘E.T.’ to ‘Independence Day’ and beyond. But I also have the wit to realize I’m being entertained and these things are not real.

So is there life out there?

I wouldn’t rule the idea out for a second. But what I would rule out is that intelligent life is ever going to be found within our Solar System, maybe not even within our Galaxy. But it could be out there somewhere.

The question we should be asking is, assuming it is benign and not hell bent on conquering all in its path, or maybe viewing us as a culinary delicacy, would that intelligent life really want anything to do with a planet full of people who, for almost their entire existence, seem to want nothing better than to continually wage war on each other?

I think having observed us for a while they would probably pass us by without calling in to say hello.

If I were in their shoes – or space boots – that’s what I would do – and at warp speed too!

alien observers

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Warning: Try Not To Hurt Yourself When Reading This Post.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Our look at labels for idiots by idiots continues with this selection.

I’m not sure which is the worst, those written for the idiots or the ones that the idiots have obviously written themselves.

Have a look and make up your own mind.

Enjoy.

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warning sign 3

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“Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.”

On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

birthday card for a 1 year old

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“Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use.”

On a battery.

battery

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“Warning: Do not use on eyes.”

In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

heated seat cushion

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“Do not look into laser with remaining eye.”

On a laser pointer.

laser pointer

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“Do not use for drying pets.”

In the manual for a microwave oven.

manual for a microwave oven

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“For use on animals only.”

On an electric cattle prod.

Electric_cattle_prod

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“For use by trained personnel only.”

On a can of air freshener.

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“Keep out of reach of children and teenagers.”

Also on a can of air freshener.

can of air freshener

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“Remember,

objects in the mirror

are actually behind you.”

On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror

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“Warning: Riders of personal watercraft

may suffer injury due to the forceful injection

of water into body cavities either by

falling into the water or while mounting the craft.”

In the manual for a jetski.

jetski

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“Warning:

Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up.

Doing so will cause injury and death.”

A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects),

which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

protective bag (for fragile objects

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“Do not use as ear plugs.”

On a package of silly putty.

silly putty

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