Let’s Not Have A Barney About These Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi, and welcome to the fasab blog.

Today is fact day with another random selection of hopefully interesting things to learn.

Enjoy

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did you know1

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In gangster slang, a boxing match

that is fixed is called a ‘barney’.

boxers

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In 2009, one of the twelve surviving copies of

Edgar Allen Poe’s first book ‘Tamerlane and Other Poems’

was sold at Christie’s Auction House for $662,500,

a record price paid for a work of American literature.

Tamerlane and Other Poems

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Isaac Smith was a commissioned officer in

the Royal Navy and the cousin of Captain Cook,

with whom he explored the then-New World.

Smith also became the first European to arrive in eastern Australia

and the first man to create survey maps of various Pacific islands and coastlines,

including Tierra del Fuego in South America.

Despite all his pioneering in the world of exploration

he is best remembered as the last survivor

of James Cook’s first voyage in the South Pacific Ocean

aboard the HMS Endeavour, from 1768 to 1771.

Midshipman_Isaac_Smith

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Research suggests that dark chocolate boosts memory,

attention span, reaction time, and problem-solving skills

by increasing blood flow to the brain.

Dark chocolate can also improve the ability

to see in low-contrast situations (such as poor weather)

and promote lower blood pressure.

Yum!

dark chocolate

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On average, 35 meters of hair fiber

is produced on the adult scalp.

Really???

shaved_head

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Ant colonies range greatly in size from

a few dozen individuals to many millions of ants.

The largest ant colonies are called ‘supercolonies’ that create

giant ant hills sometimes thousands of miles long.

The largest supercolony covers over 3,700 miles,

and has over 1 billion ants.

african_ant_hill

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Most toilets flush in E flat.

toilet

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The largest building in the world by volume

is The Boeing Everett Factory, in Everett, Washington,

which was originally built for the construction of the Boeing 747.

It has a volume of 472,370,319 cubic feet (1.7495e+7yd³)

and an area of almost 100 acres (40 ha 4685.6m2).

The Boeing Everett Factory

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Oak trees can live 200 years or more.

angel-oak-tree-l

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Astronaut John Glenn is a decorated World War II veteran,

one of the first American astronauts in history,

and one of the epic Mercury Seven.

Glenn was also the first American astronaut to orbit the Earth

and the fifth astronaut in history to go into space.

At the age of 93 he’s the last remaining astronaut of the Mercury Seven

and one of the very few surviving astronauts (American or Soviet)

of the Space Age that began in the late 1950s.

John Glenn

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A less successful astronaut was a Chinese man called Wan Hu,

a sixteenth-century local government official during the Ming Dynasty,

who had ambitions to travel to the Moon by means of a

special chair he designed with 47 attached rockets.

After lighting the rockets,

instead of shooting the ambitious government official into the air,

the rockets exploded, killing him.

Wan Hu

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When Pluto was first located by Clyde Tombaugh in 1930

it was just given the generic name Planet X.

It was named ‘Pluto’ by an 11-year-old girl,

Venetia Burney of Oxford, England.

Venetia Burney of Oxford, England

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Want somewhere quiet to eat?

Then try Nicholas Nauman’s restaurant called ‘Eat’

in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, New York,

which features nothing special except for the fact

that you cannot speak while dining there.

Apparently it was inspired by his life-changing stay

at a Buddhist monastery in India,

which made him want to create a place

where people could enjoy silence.

The silent dinners became so popular that nowadays,

people have to book their tables in advance.

restaurant called ‘Eat’

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The first toilet stall in a public washroom is the least likely to be used

and therefore also likely to be the cleanest.

first toilet stall in a public washroom

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The character of Michael Myers

was named after the European distributor of

John Carpenter’s previous film,

Assault on Precinct 13,

and apparently this was the director’s way of

saying a kind of weird “thank you” for the

film’s incredible success throughout most of Europe.

Michael_Myers

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I’m Beginning To Feel I’m Bean Stalked!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, it’s pun day, the day we all love  –  well most of us do anyway.

Enjoy this latest selection!

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When does a cow make the most noise?

When she’s feeling moooooody!

moody-cow_design

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I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with

a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides.

I picked it up and threw it.

It flew for more than 300 yards.

I’m sure that must have been a record.

vinyl-record

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There was a ghost at the hotel,

so they called for an inn spectre.

ghost hotel

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Me and my friends are in a band called Duvet.

We’re a cover band.

Cartoon_Rock_Band

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Messing with your computer’s memory chip

can have lasting RAMifications

memory chip ram

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My girlfriend got sacked from work and then lost her appeal.

I only found her appealing because she had a well paid job.

trump-youre-fired

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This one is just messed up.

messed up

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I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it’s 15p.

I’ve adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

balloon seller cartoon

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A picture may be worth a thousand words,

but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

a_picture_is_worth_1000_words

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I lost my mood ring.

I don’t know how I feel about this.

Mood-Chart-Color

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I beat my wife up this morning.

She got up at 7.30, I was up at 7.

sleeping_wife

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Why did I divide sin by tan?

Just cos.

sin divided by tan

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With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

wedding cartoon

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I was recently asked about my views on euthanasia.

I said they all look the same to me.

Youth-in-Asia

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Nostalgia.

It’s not what it used to be.

nostalgia

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I just received an envelope marked – Photographs Do Not Bend.

The Mailman has, however, proven that they do.

Photos Do Not Bend

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I fell on my arm and had to have an operation on my funny bone.

I was in stitches for two weeks.

stitches

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I’ve just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas.

Although what he wants with an ex box I’ll never know.

cardboard box flat

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A man goes home to his wife and shows her his

latest tattoo of a spreadsheet on his chest.

“You’ve really Excelled yourself this time!” she says.

tattoo-non-vat-spreadsheet

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When a hospital runs out of maternity nurses

do they have a mid-wife crisis?

Midwife-Crisis

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I Have Finally Decided On My New Year’s Resolution – It’s 1024 x 768!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Well, if you haven’t guessed already from the title, the year may be new but the puns probably aren’t!

But I figured if we get some of these in early then there’s a chance that the year will improve later.

Strap yourselves in. Here we go.

Enjoy.

Does chasing the American Dream not count as exercise?

american-dream 

Protons have mass?

I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

protons have mass 

Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?

Marx tomb 

I was checking into a hotel the other week.

At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, “I hope the porn channel is disabled.”

Unbelievable what some people are into.

XXX 

I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday.

He said, “Have you ever shoed a horse?”

I said, “No, but I once told a donkey to f*** off.”

Cartoon_Donkey_by_Airdin 

I’ll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

negative numbers 

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out,

“Can you all see me now?”

“Yes.”

“Oui.”

“Sí.”

“Ja.”

English French Spanish German 

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I’ve just taken up speed reading.

Last night I did war and peace in 20 seconds.

I know it’s only 3 words but it’s a start!

Speed Reading 

I can’t see an end.

I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape.

I don’t even have a home anymore.

Definitely time for a new keyboard.

broken-keyboard 

“Watch Back to the Future:- Tomorrow, on Yesterday” WTF????

Back To The Future 

My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people’s ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject’s memory. Why didn’t I think of that?

stealing ideas 

I’m always frank with my sexual partners.

Don’t want them knowing my real name, do I?

I'm Frank 

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Funny Factoid Friday Again, And Another Eighteen Universal Truths

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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This funny factoid Friday I have a few more Universal Truths. As before, that does not mean that every one of them applies to everyone, but weirdly most of them do.

And if you are wondering after you read this, the answer is yes, I have put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint (you’ll see what I mean later!). Oh dear :o(

Enjoy!

 

1) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

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2) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

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3) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

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4) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

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5) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

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6) You never ever run out of salt.

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7) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

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8) You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.

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9) There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.

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10) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

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11) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

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12) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

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13) People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard

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14) You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint.

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15) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal his or her nose.

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16) Bricks are horrible to carry.

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17) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

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18) Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

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It’s Another Funny Factoid Friday, Here Are Eighteen Universal Truths

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

It’s another Friday and time for a few more of what I call factoids, although this list is entitled Universal Truths.

That does not mean that every one of them applies to everyone, but from personal experience I can vouch for the accuracy of quite a lot of them.

Enjoy!

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a bar is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.

4) You’ve never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
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Do You Know…. Yes, It’s Another Flipping Fun Filled Factoid Friday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s Friday again and what better day to indulge in a little more factoid fun. Start your weekend off full of useless knowledge that you can impress and bore your friends with.

Enjoy!

 

 

Do you know….

 

That 80 percent of Harvard students graduate with honors

 

That the chances that a burglary in the US will be solved are 1 in 7

 

That the government owns one third of all the land in the US

 

That they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM.  Why?

 

That James Buchanan was the only US President to remain a bachelor

 

That the only first lady to carry a loaded revolver was Eleanor Roosevelt

 

That the only US President to win a Pulitzer was John F. Kennedy, for “Profiles in Courage”

 

That the only US President to be awarded a patent was Abraham Lincoln, for a system of buoying vessels over shoals

 

 That the US President who discovered a new proof for The Pythagorean Theorem was Jimmy Carter  (I think is was hidden under the oval office carpet)

 

That cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there, duh?

 

What happens if you are in a vehicle going the speed of light and you turn on the headlights?

 

That honey is the only food that does not spoil

 

That a Hummingbird is the only bird that can fly backwards

 

That Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes

 

Why is the word “lisp” spelled with all the letters that people with that affliction cannot pronounce?

 

That a pig is the only animal besides human that can get sunburn

 

That ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water

 

That an eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it

 

That in the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees

 

That for some strange reason Americans drive on parkways and park on driveways.

 

That polar bears are left-handed

 

Why is “dyslexic” such a difficult word to spell?

 

That when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio

 

That Eskimos never gamble  –  I bet you didn’t know that.

 

That the world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910

 

That the youngest pope was 11 years old

 

That Mark Twain didn’t graduate from elementary school

 

That proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses

 

That when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo

 

That Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner

 

What would happen if you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height?

 

That your nose and ears never stop growing

 

Why isn’t “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?

 

That Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined  –  Uranus!  –  No, Jupiter.

 

That they have square watermelons in Japan … they stack better

 

That Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation

 

Why your nose runs and your feet smell?

 

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On The Oul Timers’ Ward

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

“I’ll never forget what’s his name,” is something I have a habit of saying. I’ve always had a good memory and recall for most things, particularly numbers, but sometimes I’m terrible with names. I can be trying to hold a sensible conversation with someone, usually someone who I haven’t seen for a long time, and while I know their face perfectly, can I remember the name! It makes for awkward times and sometimes amusing ones as well.

I hope it doesn’t get any worse as I get older! I’d hate to end my days with “oul timers” as we call it in our family, my aunt having been so afflicted for a few years before her passing.

But like all adversities there are the funny sides.

Here’s a report from an old issue of the Southland Times in New Zealand that I thought was amusing.

 

The police were called to the Whangarei ward at the Aged Care Centre in Kaikohe, New Zealand, because a fight had broken out.

When they arrived, they could see that the two elderly protagonists had been involved in a mighty punch-up. Both were covered in blood, their clothes were torn, one had a broken nose and half his hair ripped out, and the other had a broken arm and a hypodermic needle stuck in his penis.

Furniture and equipment had been smashed flat, beds had been overturned, and the other patients on the ward were terrified.

When the matter came to court, Police Sergeant Maurice Loveridge reported as follows:

“…. the fight took place in a ward full of elderly Alzheimer’s patients, and it has gradually become clear that nobody can remember what happened, or who was responsible.

One patient keeps repeating the phrase ‘we ought to have more manure’, but frankly this gives us no clue.

The two accused men do not recognise each other, nor do the other patients, and the ones who initially reported the incident to us had forgotten that there even was a fight by the time we tried to question them.

Therefore, because nobody can now recall the incident, the Police Prosecution Department has reluctantly decided to withdraw the case against both men.”

 

These aren’t the same old boys as in the New Zealand fracas, but they’re the best I could come up with. They made me laugh.

Enjoy!