As A Rule Of Thumb, Don’t Pick Up Hitchhikers.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But as a rule of thumb I like puns.

Hope you do too.

Here are some more.

Enjoy!

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rofl

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My Japanese penpal dropped out of school recently.

He’s taken leave of his Senseis.

cartoon Sensei

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I’ve got a new job stacking shelves at a supermarket for big, tall men.

It keeps me on my toes.

high shelves

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I was chatting to someone about cylindrical fasteners earlier,

it was a riveting conversation.

Rivets

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Skiers don’t have drunken arguments,

they just storm off-piste.

off piste

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I used to be the managing director of the world’s largest ladder company.

Until I was asked to step down.

dana-fradon-dejected-man-setting-on-top-rung-of-a-ladder-the-steps

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A friend asked if I wanted to buy his motor boat.

I jumped at the chance and bought both.

I can keep the boat on the moat.

moat or boat

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My friend sells knives for a living and he said if I posted

this on the internet he’d give me a cut.

knife

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What numbskull called it the Police / Fire Department Headquarters

and not Guns and Hoses?

guns_and_hoses

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I went for a job interview with the hacking group Anonymous.

Introduced myself…

And that was the end of the interview

occupy-mask

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Just read in the news, that there’s going to be a beauty contest

where all the models are dressed up in newspaper pages.

It must be a Miss Print.

girl wrapped in newspaper

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The A- eam.

Hey, missed a T.

mr-t

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I went through a lot to be with my girlfriend.

She was standing at the other end of the car park.

Parking-lot-picture

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I wish I’d never joined the S and M club.

They tied me into a long term contract.

man-tied to contract

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A driver waved at me to stop my car and asked if I could change attire.

Why would someone assume that I would keep spare clothes with me!

flat-tyre-cartoon

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Heck is where people go to

who don’t believe in Golly.

what-the-heck

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Something tells me my posture might not be so great,

I don’t know.

I just have a hunch.

439346-Royalty-Free-RF-Clip-Art-Illustration-Of-A-Cartoon-Hunchback

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Two red blood cells met and fell in love.

But alas, it was in vein.

blood-cartoon

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My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation.

Now we sell smoothies.

smoothie

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Man, you get a load of boos when

you turn up to an AA meeting pissed.

AA_Meeting_lolwtmk

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I turned up to a McDonald’s job interview

riding piggyback on a Burger King employee.

“Could I just ask what the hell you’re doing?”

the receptionist asked curtly.

“Well,” I explained patiently, “the woman on the phone told me

I should report to Reception on a rival” 

piggyback

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Did You Know? More Fabulous Facts Folks!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Not much else needs to be said about today’s post.

Another selection of fabulous facts.

Enjoy.

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did you know1

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At one point in the 1990s,

50% of all CDs produced worldwide were for AOL.

aol_old_cdrom

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A British man changed his name to Tim Pppppppppprice

to make it harder for telemarketers to pronounce.

Tim Pppppppppprice

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Google’s founders were willing to sell to Excite

for under $1 million in 1999

—but Excite turned them down.

(Huge big dumb move, where is Excite today!)

ExciteLogo

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Officials in Portland, Ore., drained 8 million gallons of water

from a reservoir in 2011 because a buzzed 21-year-old peed in it.

Calvin peeing

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When three-letter airport codes became standard,

airports that had been using two letters simply added an X.

LAX

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A California woman once tried to sue the makers of Cap’n Crunch

because Crunch Berries contained “no berries of any kind.”

Cap'n Crunch berries

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Actor Wilford Brimley who has appeared in such films as

The China Syndrome, Cocoon, The Thing and The Firm,

was once Howard Hughes’s bodyguard.

Wilford "Bill" Brimleycirca 1980s

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According to Amazon, the most highlighted Kindle books are

the Bible, the Steve Jobs biography, and The Hunger Games.

amazon-kindle_with_books1-1

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During WWI, German measles were called “liberty measles”

and dachshunds became “liberty hounds.”

liberty measles

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In Spain, Mr. Clean is known as Don Limpio.

Don Limpio

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After leaving office, President Lyndon B Johnson

went all hippy and let his hair grow out.

Lyndon B Johnson long hair

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There was a third Apple founder. Ronald Wayne

he sold his 10% stake for $800 in 1976.

ron_wayne

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If you start counting at one and spell out the numbers as you go,

you won’t use the letter “A” until you reach 1,000.

number_1000

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In Gaddafi’s compound, Libyan rebels found a photo album

filled with pictures of Condoleezza Rice.

gadaffi-loves-condoleeza

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Calvin Klein’s Obsession for Men is used by researchers

to attract animals to cameras in the wilderness.

calvin klein obsession men

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Only one McDonald’s in the world has turquoise arches.

Sedona, AZ thought yellow clashed with the natural red rock.

mcdonalds-sedona_az

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Marie Curie’s notebooks are still radioactive.

Researchers hoping to view them must sign a disclaimer.

curie-notebooks

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The 50-star American flag was designed by an Ohio high school student

for a class project. His teacher originally gave him a B–.

50 star US Flag

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Tsutomu Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima for work

when the first A-bomb hit,

made it home to Nagasaki for the second,

and lived to be 93.

Tsutomu Yamaguchi

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Barry Manilow did not write his hit “I Write the Songs.”

It was actually written by the former Beach Boy Bruce Johnston.

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The Fact File Is Open Again!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here we go with another random selection of facts from the files.

There’s bound to be something new in this lot, so read on and, of course….

Enjoy!

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did you know3

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McDonald’s daily customer traffic is larger

than the population of Great Britain

Mcdonalds_logo

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The placement of a donkey’s eyes in its head

enables it to see all four feet at all times!

Donkey_from_Shrek

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President Theodore Roosevelt (1901-1909)

was not only the first President to ride in an automobile,

but also the first President to travel outside the country

when he visited Panama.

President_Theodore_Roosevelt

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Camel’s have three eyelids.

Camel jordanian desert

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A man wore 70 items of clothing in a Chinese airport

to avoid the bagging charge.

friends_302_joey_chandlers_clothes

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Above the Supreme Court is a basketball court

known as the Highest Court in the Land.

Clarence Thomas tore his Achilles in a 1993 game.

Supreme-Court-Basketball-logo_full

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Your brain consumes 25 watts of power while you’re awake.

This amount of energy is enough to illuminate a lightbulb.

brain

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Hedenophobes have a fear of pleasure.

They won’t be reading this blog then!

Hedenophobes

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Prostitution is not and has never been illegal in Canada.

Legalizing_Prostitution

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Ramses brand condom is named after

the great pharaoh Ramses II

who fathered over 160 children.

pharaoh Ramses II

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The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

giant squid eye

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The first license plate on a car in the United States

was issued in Denver, Colorado in 1908.

denver_colorado_red_license

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The “Dull Men’s Hall of Fame” is located in Carroll, Wisconsin

– and, no, I am not on their roll of honor!

blah_cologne_for_dull_men_461435

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Studies have shown that swearing when in pain

can release pain-killing endorphins.

swearing when in pain

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Common Cobra venom is not on the list of top 10 venoms

yet it is still 40 times more toxic than cyanide.

cobra

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“Lassie” was played by a group of male dogs;

the main one was named Pal.

Lassie

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The record for the most weddings is held by King Mogul of Siam,

who had 9000 weddings and 9000 wives

– and 9000 mother-in-laws *@#!.

King_Mongkut_of_Siam

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In 1984, a Canadian farmer began

renting advertising space on his cows.

cows advertising

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In ancient Greece “idiot” meant a private citizen or layman;

in modern America it means a politician!

Cartoon-Idiot-Problem-990

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You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.

Keep Smiling!

 

smiling v frowning

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Do You Need Help?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Now and again people have said to me, “You need help.” And I’m not just talking about people who read this blog. They mean it in a caring way I’m sure and indeed there are occasions when a little help would be very welcome.

This is especially so in business. In these cases you are even willing to pay for that help, but you still have the problem of letting people know that you have a job for them.

So what do you do?

You advertise the available positions, of course.

Sounds easy?

Well, for most of us it is. For the intellectually challenged not so much.

Take a look at this lot below and you’ll see what I mean.

Enjoy!

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helpwanted01

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helpwanted03

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helpwanted07

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helpwanted04

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helpwanted10

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helpwanted06

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helpwanted11

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helpwanted12

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helpwanted13

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helpwanted16

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helpwanted14

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helpwanted17

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helpwanted15

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helpwanted18

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helpwanted19

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helpwanted21

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helpwanted20

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helpwanted22

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Four!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here is installment four of the classified ads. The place where Joe Public gets a chance to show off his or her marketing skills to the world at large.

I’m sure a lot of these were read and reread and drafted and redrafted a number of time to create the perfection that they clearly are.

And I’ve included a nice romantic one at the end for all you ladies.

Enjoy.

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classified ad 41

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classified ad 42

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classified ad 43

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classified ad 44

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classified ad 45

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classified ad 46

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classified ad 47

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classified ad 48

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classified ad 49

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classified ad 50.

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classified ad 51

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classified ad 52

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classified ad 53

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classified ad 54

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classified ad 55

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classified ad 56

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classified ad 57

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classified ad 58

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classified ad 59

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You Only Get the Right Answers If You Ask the Right Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s Tuesday and we have another selection of those questions that are worth asking, but hardly anyone asks. Should we just accept thing the way they are, or should we start to question what is happening around us a little more?

Here we go. Enjoy!

 

 

You know the expression, ‘Don’t quit your day job?’

Well what do you say to people that work nights?

 

 

Why is the ‘0’ on a phone after the ‘1’ and not before the ‘1’?

 

 

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

 

 

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, ‘I wish you would not grant me this wish’ what would you do?

 

 

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

 

 

Why doesn’t the armpit hair have split ends?

 

 

Do pyromaniacs like to wear blazers?

 

 

If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

 

 

Why is something funny called a ‘knee-slapper’ when you actually slap your thigh?

 

 

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then in school have them read about wars that solved problems?

 

 

If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?”

 

 

Why does someone believe you when you say something like, “There are four billion stars,” but check when you say the paint is wet?

 

 

What would happen if Batman got bitten by a vampire?

 

 

Why can’t we spell creativity however we want?

 

 

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?”

 

 

Has your mate ever called you at work to ask where the remote control is?

 

 

Was the person who invented the Express Lane at the grocery store ever properly thanked?

 

 

Why do you seldom if ever see ads for advertising companies?

 

 

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?

 

 

Why doesn’t McDonald’s sell hotdogs?

 

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