Why Do I Like Masochism? Beats Me!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And for those masochists among you here is another selection of word plays, or puns.

You know what’s coming.

Enjoy or endure!

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As an avid gardener,

I got so excited by summer coming,

I wet my plants.

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The jar I put money into every

time I use profanities

has really helped me cut back.

I swear by it.

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I was just told by someone

to stop being so unsavory.

I thought that’s sweet.

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Apparently it’s really easy to cook Monkfish,

Just stick it on the Friar….

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What do you call a girl

who keeps disappearing?

Heidi.

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I’ve just paid $10 for a 19th century painting

of a cow from the local charity shop.

I think it might be Art Mooveau.

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What do you call

a Muslim doctor?

Amed.

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My dentist has accused me

of non-cooperation during appointments.

I’m keeping my mouth shut.

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Having considered buying a couple of

calves at a livestock auction for $200,

I ended up purchasing two lambs for $100

which were sheep at half the price

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I thought it was weird when my friend

told me he’d fallen in love with a puppet.

Now he’s planning on marionette.

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I only enjoy carbonated drinks..

Soda speak.

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My wife said if I took one more

picture of her she’d leave me.

That’s when I snapped.

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What’s better than

a cake on the table?

A tart on the floor.

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Our identical twins are impossible to tell apart.

They even wear the same aftershave.

Well, it’s not so much aftershave,

it’s more like Eau de Clone.

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My friend got me a poster of my

favourite 70’s Glam Rock band.

Sweet!

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Fasab’s Fascinating Fun Facts Folks!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another alliteration and another bunch of fascinating fun facts.

Throw a few of these out when you get the opportunity and dazzle you friends with your new knowledge.

Well, you’ll probably get one of those odd quizzical looks at least.

Enjoy.

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A 75 year old person will have slept about 23 years.

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The word “set” has the most number of definitions in the English language; 192

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Hong Kong has more Rolls Royce cars per capita than any other city.

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The longest name in the Bible is Mahershalalbaz.

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In a survey of 200,000 ostriches over 80 years, not one tried to bury its head in the sand.

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Elephants have the longest pregnancy in the animal kingdom at 22 months.

The longest human pregnancy on record is 17 months, 11 days.

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Possums have one of the shortest pregnancies at 16 days.

The shortest human pregnancy to produce a healthy baby was 22 weeks, 6 days

— the baby was the length of a ballpoint pen.

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In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world’s nuclear weapons combined.

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Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) was born on and died on days when Halley’s Comet can be seen.

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Benjamin Franklin was the fifth in a series of the youngest son of the youngest son.

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The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan.

There was never a recorded Wendy before it.

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One in ten people live on an island.

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Humphrey Bogart NEVER said “Play it again, Sam” in Casablanca

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Our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing.

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Jim Henson first coined the word “Muppet”.

It is a combination of “marionette” and “puppet.”

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Arabic numerals are not really Arabic; they were created in India.

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The word “maverick” came into use after Samuel Maverick, a Texan who refused to brand his cattle.

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Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

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A “quidnunc” is a person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip.

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Chrysler built B29’s that bombed Japan.

Mitsubishi built the Zeros that tried to shoot them down.

Both companies now build cars in a joint plant called Diamond Star.

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In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated.

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Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word “criminal.”

The second? William Jefferson Clinton

It can’t be a coincidence, it really can’t!!!

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The country code for Russia is “007”.

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