There’s A Fine Line Between Hyphenated Words…

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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There is indeed a fine line between hyphenated words – haven’t you noticed?

Yes, it’s the day to play on words, or play with words.

Whatever way you want to put it, it’s pun day!

Enjoy or endure!

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The other day I held the door open for a clown.

I thought it was a nice jester.

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I thought my Granny was going to get me a jumper for my birthday

but she just gave me a card again.

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I play for my shop fitting company’s football team.

We are great on the counter attack.

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I’ve sent a few angry letters to my Congressman.

A ‘G’ and three ‘R’s.

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I had a good morning today, I met Cameron Diaz.

And her brother, Buenos.

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I’m lying in bed listening to the Carpenters…

Who are taking way too long installing the new kitchen.

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I’ve just started a new extermination company

that specialises in felines.

I’m calling it curiosity.

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L’Oreal Saudi Arabia.

Burkas you’re worth it.

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My other half reckons I might have schizophrenia!

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I took a poll recently,

and 100% of the strippers asked

were angry they had nothing to dance on.

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“OK son, what do you understand

by the word ‘omniscient’?”

He said, “God knows…”

What a clever little boy!

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I’m writing a post about storms.

So far, it’s just a rough draft.

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Did you hear about the mexcian train killer?

He had locomotives.

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What’s the singular of ‘werewolves’?

‘I’m a wolf’.

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I was gob smacked when my Swedish friend came to

visit from the states and was now living as a woman.

He was Bjorn in the U.S.A.

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Just Thought Of A Great Owl Joke, But I Can’t Use It Until 2/8/20.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, once again the clue was in the title, pun day.

Contrary to rumors on the internet puns have not been cancelled. Resistance is futile. 

So brace yourselves or whatever it is that you usually do.

But enjoy!

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I complained to the furniture store after a sofa I ordered

was dumped in the stairwell of my apartment block.

They said I need to take it up with the delivery man.

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My friend Max hates going up steep hills.

He’s always been a bit of an anti-climb Max.

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What idiot invented fire blankets?

You’d think fire was hot enough…

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I was stood at a barberque the other day,

Yep, 30 minutes I waited for a haircut.

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George made himself a girlfriend out of plastic food wrap.

He said she was a bit clingy.

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I’ll tell you a couple of things that make me jump.

My legs.

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A neighbor was molested by his priest when he was a kid,

It’s quite a touching story.

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I’ve just been banned from an online fashion forum.

Apparently my threads weren’t cool enough.

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The best thing about being single is sleeping around.

You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours:

left, right, middle, whatever.

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The wife finally finished writing her

book about cooking with herbs.

It’s about thyme.

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I can beat anybody in a fight with only one hand.

It’s the two-handed blokes who beat the crap out of me.

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Bono came into my shop today to buy a cake.

I asked him, “What do you want on it?”

He said, “Icing”

I said, “I know that, but what do you want on your cake?”

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Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims

by threatening them with a lit match.

They want to catch him before he strikes again.

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My Dad loves The Beatles and has all but one of the

original L.P. records with autographed sleeves.

I think he needs Help.

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There are many advantages of visiting Switzerland.

I mean, even the flag itself is a big plus.

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I was lying in bed and I thought,

“I’ve gotta start telling the truth.”

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I said, “I’ve locked my keys in my car and my children are inside.”

My neighbor said, “Do you have a spare set?”

I said, “Yeah, I’ve got two sons with my ex-wife.”

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For sale.

Modified DeLorean DMC-12.

No timewasters.

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I got chatting to a lumberjack in a bar the other day.

He seemed like a decent feller.

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I just bet on three horses called

Sunshine, Moonlight and Good Times,

and none of them won.

I blame it on the bookie.

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