Hurrah! It’s Another Meet More Morons Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, Monday has rolled round again. And that means it’s time to meet more morons from the quiz show answers archive.

As always, a warning to those of a nervous disposition – this post contains some extreme stupidity, so handle with care.

Enjoy!

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Q: Like “sugar bowl”, a bowl that’s named for the substance it contains    

A: Toilet bowl

 

 

Q: Name something your body has that begins with the letter “L”

A: Lice 

 

 

Q: Name something that makes you feel uneasy all day long if you forget to do it in the morning

A: Get dressed 

 

 

Q: Name a vegetable you stuff 

A: Brussels sprouts

A: Watermelon 

 

 

Q: Name a kind of place where it’s smart to know where the exits are      

A: Church         

 

 

Q: Name something a man might buy his girlfriend a pair of       

A: Boobs

 

 

Q: Name an expensive holiday, besides Christmas        

A: Wedding      

 

 

Q: What is a slang name for policeman?

A: Dick

 

 

Q: What is something that you have to do to get your husband’s attention during the Super Bowl?          

A: Take off your clothes

 

 

Q: What is the longest you’ve ever been on the telephone?

A: Alaska         

 

 

Q: Name a real or fictional, a famous Willie        

A: Willie-the-Pooh         

 

 

Q: Name a beverage you stir before drinking     

A: Water          

 

 

Q: Name a food that makes noise when you eat it          

A: A really loud hamburger         

 

 

Q: Name something a duck and a chicken have in common        

A: They quack  

 

 

Q: Name another word for sleep

A: Sleeping

A: A coma

 

 

Q: What is a slang word for “wife”?       

A: Bitch           

 

 

Q: Name something that is transplanted

A: Brain

 

 

Q: Name a noisy bird    

A: Chipmunk    

 

 

Q: Name something you would cheat on if you knew you wouldn’t get caught     

A: Family Feud 

 

 

Q: Name a street name that is common to cities all over the US  

A: Hollywood Boulevard 

 

 

Q: Name something you tune    

A: Fish 

 

 

Q: What shouldn’t you do in someone else’s car?          

A: Pass gas

A: Get arrested

 

 

Q: Name a game played on a table besides cards         

A: Poker          

 

 

Q: Name something you rent for a party

A: Food

 

 

Q: Name a party game that would be more fun to play in the nude          

A: Monopoly

A: Chess          

 

 

Q: Name a vegetable you marinate        

A: Grapes        

 

 

Q: Name something you’d hate to discover was living in your attic          

A: Furniture      

 

 

Q: Name something Russia is famous for          

A: Russians     

 

 

Q: Name a farm animal that the farmer may grow so fond of, he might not want to eat it  

A: Dog

 

 

Q: Name something a teenage boy can do for hours      

A: Masturbate   

 

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A Very Strange Case Of Mistaken Identity

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Throughout history opposing factions, whether in politics, racial campaigns, sports competitions or even wars, have used cartoons as a medium to promote their side and to denigrate the opposition.

Nowhere was this better seen than during WWII when both sides used thousands of derogatory cartoons to depict the ‘enemy’.

But one of the most humorous incidents occurred much earlier, during the Napoleonic war between France and England.

It allegedly took place in the little town of Hartlepool on the north-east coast of England.

As part of the propaganda campaign in England during this war the enemy, the French, had been portrayed as short and hairy, sort of monkey-like. The cartoon below will give you the idea.  

Napoleonic Wars propaganda cartoon of a Frenchman
Napoleonic Wars propaganda style cartoon of a Frenchman

Also, during the Napoleonic Wars there was great fear that the French had plans to invade Britain and therefore much public concern about the possibility of French infiltrators and spies.

As a consequence the fishermen of Hartlepool kept a close watch on French vessels sailing near the English coast.

One day, as they watched, a French vessel was seen struggling against a storm. It took a severe battering in the rough seas and eventually sunk.

The Hartlepool fishermen then turned their attention to the wreckage washed ashore.

Among the wreckage lay one wet and sorrowful looking survivor. It was the ship’s pet monkey and, to amuse the sailors, it had been dressed in a military style uniform.

Stupid individuals are one thing, annoying but they can be handled. Group stupidity on the other hand is extremely dangerous. The stupidity level seems to increase by at least ten times the number of morons gathered together. I’m sure there’s a mathematical formula for this, there should be.

So, severely intellectually challenged, and thinking they had captured the enemy, the Hartlepool fishermen apparently questioned the monkey and held a beach-based trial.

Unfamiliar with what a Frenchman looked like, and unable to understand what he (the monkey) was saying (presumably “ooh ooh aah”, as opposed to “oh la la”), they came to the conclusion that this poor primate was a French spy.

They quickly sentenced the French spy (monkey) to death and the unfortunate creature was hanged, with the mast of a fishing boat (a coble) providing a convenient gallows.

A very strange case of mistaken identity indeed!

Hartlepool Fishermen Hanging Of The French Monkey Spy
Hartlepool Fishermen Hanging Of The French Monkey Spy

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Back To Normal This Monday And That Means More Quiz Show Answers

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, it’s time to assess the level of general intelligence of the average contestant on television quiz shows.

I suppose, as ever, this post should come with a severe stupidity warning for those of a nervous disposition.

Here we go.

Enjoy!

 

 

Q: Name something a caveman would put on his to-do list         

A: Buy a car

 

 

Q: Name a fictional island         

A: Rhode Island

 

 

Q: Name a fast food restaurant with somebody’s first or last name in the title     

A: Burger King

 

 

Q: Name something twins share while growing up          

A: Mother’s breast        

 

 

Q: Name a man’s name beginning with the letter K         

A: Kentucky Fried Chicken        

 

 

Q: Name an excuse that a girl gives not to invite you in after a date        

A: Her husband is home

 

 

Q: Name a president who served two full terms  

A: Abraham Lincoln

 

 

Q: Name a thing or place dogs are known to drink from 

A: A hydrant     

 

 

Q: Name an animal with three letters in its name 

A: Frog

A: Alligator       

 

 

Q: Name something made of leather that a cowboy uses           

A: Purse          

 

 

Q: Name a yellow fruit  

A: Orange        

 

 

Q: How often a newlywed couple makes love    

A: Three times a day

 

 

Q: Name something you often misplace in your car        

A: Steering wheel          

 

 

Q: Name something that works better after it’s been broken in    

A: Husband      

 

 

Q: Name something everyone knows about Cinderella    

A: She could talk to animals      

 

 

Q: Name a way parents reward children 

A: Time out      

 

 

Q: Name a sport husbands and wives can play together 

A: Kickball

 

 

Q: Name something specific kids leave behind when they move out of the house           

A: Their parents

A: A blender

A: Boyfriend/Girlfriend   

 

 

Q: Name something the English are famous for 

A: Driving on the wrong side of the road  

 

 

Q: Name something on a chihuahua that’s tiny   

A: Its Peter

 

 

Q: Name a hobby people take up for the thrills involved 

A: Stamp collecting       

 

 

Q: Name something that doesn’t work without water       

A: Ice cream cone        

 

 

Q: Name something you make out of flowers    

A: Cookies       

 

 

Q: Name something people do clothed that others don’t

A: Ride a motorcycle     

 

 

Q: Name a product that, according to its commercials, will make you more popular         

A: Toilet paper

 

 

Q: Besides an airplane, something man-made that flies  

A: A jet

 

 

Q: Name a vacation city where you would need a lot of money   

A: Hawaii

A: Europe         

 

 

Q: Name something you see along the side of a street   

A: Carnage       

 

 

Q: Name something a hostess does to let her guests know it’s time to leave       

A: Goes to bed 

 

 

Q: Name something of yours that you hit when it’s not working properly 

A: Your spouse 

 

 

Q: Name one of the seven dwarfs         

A: Snoopy

 

 

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It’s An Olympian Sized Stupid Questions Monday Today!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Monday is usually the day for stupid quiz show answers. But this Olympic Monday here are a selection of stupid questions asked by some intellectually challenged members of the public in relation to past Olympic Games held in Vancouver, Canada (winter) and in Sydney, Australia.

I think it proves not only that dumb people don’t just give dumb answers, they ask dumb questions too; and that dumbness is a worldwide phenomenon (the nationality of the questioner is indicated after the question).

Enjoy.

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Questions About the 2010 Winter Olympics In Vancouver, Canada:

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Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

 

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends on how much you’ve been drinking.

 

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto – can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

 

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

 

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let’s not touch this one.

 

Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

 

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North…oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

 

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

 

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

 

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

A: No, WE don’t stink.

 

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.  Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

 

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

 

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

 

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

 

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

 

And questions asked during the Olympics in Australia. The Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, supplied the answers.

 

Q: Which direction should I drive – Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth – to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)

A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.

 

Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)

A: Why? We do have toilet paper here …

 

Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)

A: Under water?

 

Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)

A: What’s the time frame?

 

Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)

A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples’ garages, and most national parks …

 

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde …

 

Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)

A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.

 

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)

A: Not yet, but we’ll see what we can do when you get here.

 

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: I love this one … there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.

 

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.

 

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: Would you believe the Panda?

 

Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)

A: Yes. Outdoors.

 

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: No. And even if I could …

 

 

Come On Down! It’s Another Quiz Show Answers Monday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another Monday has been thrust upon us, but we have to make the best of it and what better way to start the week than by looking at another selection of stupid answers given on tv quiz shows.

I hope there’s at least one or two in here to bring a smile.

Enjoy.

 

 

 

Q: Name a part of your body that’s bigger than it was when you were 16.

A: Penis (A woman gave this answer!)

 

 

Q: Name something you might lose in a golf match       

A: Your pants   

 

 

Q: Name the movie where John Travolta gave his most memorable performance 

A: The John Travolta Biography 

 

 

Q: Name a word that starts with the letter Q       

A: Cute

 

 

Q: Name a signer of the Declaration of Independence    

A: Thomas Edison (You can imagine the light bulb coming on in his head)          

 

 

Q: Name a sophisticated city.   

A: Japan

A: France         

 

 

Q: Name something you wouldn’t use if it was dirty        

A: Toilet paper  

 

 

Q: Name someone a married man claims his mistress is when he’s caught in public with her

A: The cheerleader next door     

 

 

Q: Name something this country imports too much of    

A: Foreign goods          

 

 

Q: Name something that comes in twelves         

A: Dozens

 

 

Q: Name a reason a young man would want to marry Martha Stewart      

A: He’s gay

 

 

Q: Name a kind of bear

A: Papa Bear    

 

 

Q: Name a vegetable you’ve never eaten           

A: Cactus         

 

 

Q: Name something that lets a burglar know that a house is unoccupied 

A: No people in the house          

 

 

Q: Name the age which someone with good vision might need reading glasses   

A: 15   

 

 

Q: What is the most dangerous number (i.e. act) in the circus?   

A: 69

 

 

Q: Name something that might be a few weeks late        

A: Dying

A: Menstrual cycle

 

 

Q: Name something you put cinnamon on         

A: Butter          

 

 

Q: Name an occupation whose vehicles must always be ready to go      

A: Teacher       

 

 

Q: Name something Charlie Brown might do      

A: Snoopy

 

Q: Name something that can kill a lively party     

A: A gun          

 

 

Q: Name an article of clothing women buy for their husbands     

A: Halter tops   

 

 

Q: Name something someone does that annoys everyone in the room    

A: Fart 

 

 

Q: Name an animal that begins with the letter E  

A: Ecuador

A: Iguana

A: Eggplant      

 

 

Q: Besides America, a country starting with the letter “A.”           

A: Asia

A: Amsterdam  

 

 

Q: Name a state beginning with the letter “M”     

A: Mexico        

 

 

Q: Name a drink people mix with alcohol           

A: Rum

 

 

Q: Name something on an elephant that’s huge  

A: Butt 

 

 

Q: Name something that you buy and then have to take good care of it  

A: An infant      

 

 

Q: Name a gift you give that comes in a bottle  

A: Milk 

 

Remember the first one? Here it is on video!


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The Life And Times Of Col Dan Raschen

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I’m sure you have never heard of Col Dan Raschen. I would guess that very few have. I only found out about him and his series of autobiographical works thanks to a mention by Mr Stephen Pile in his Heroic Failures book. Born in 1925, Raschen was in the British Army for thirty-three years and retired with the rank of Colonel.

Whilst Col Raschen cannot be classed as either stupid or a failure, he does nevertheless rate a mention in the fasab blog because his journey through the military ranks was not without a few bumps and bruises.

His four books of autobiography are written with a self-effacing modest humour and if you are interested in that kind of work, well worth a read.

They include adventures such as…..

After Wellington College and Peterhouse, Cambridge his service in the Royal Engineers took him, at the end of World War II, first to a new campaign in the East Indies then back to India for the country’s partition from Pakistan (Book, “Wrong Again Dan!”).

 

Wrong Again Dan
Wrong Again Dan

When he was on his way to India to join his regiment he lost all his underwear and his only pair of pyjamas while washing them out of a porthole. All the ship’s cutlery went the same way when he threw out a basin of dishwater. The troops had to eat with their fingers for the rest of the voyage.

On arrival he was instantly accused of murder. The case only foundered when he pointed at his supposed victim grinning cheerfully in the growing crowd of onlookers.

So enthusiastic was his performance during tests for a commission that after the obstacle course he had to wait for other less interesting candidates to finish so they could come back and rescue him from beneath a railway sleeper.

Whilst in charge of three amphibious tanks, he lost all them in one week. Two got stuck in a pond and one went through the wall of his own accommodation.

After completing his degree at Cambridge, Dan volunteered for the Korean War, where the pheasant shooting was of high repute. Because the pheasants lived in or near minefields, which were Dan’s particular concern, he managed to combine pleasure with eighteen months of war (Book, “Send Port & Pyjamas!”).

Send Port & Pyjamas
Send Port & Pyjamas

For one so exquisitely disaster prone a career in explosives was the inevitable course.

Back in England efforts were made to train Dan in military technology, and his subsequent soldiering was unusually varied in scope. After a spell in a weapons design team, he went to the Central Pacific to command an independent unit and to advise on coral blasting (Book, “Don’t Step on a Stonefish!”).

 

Don't Step On A Stonefish
Don’t Step On A Stonefish

After an intense period of training he arrived at the South Pacific to blow up some coral reef, never having attempted it before. His finest hour came when he moored his own boat to the very bit of reef that was receiving his closest attention.

In his own words he says, ‘One likes to think that there have been people who have been worse, but admittedly it does seem unlikely’.

Home again, Dan was an ammunition instructor before returning to Cambridge to command the University Officers Training Corps. His second command was of a Royal Engineers regiment in Germany. Then he and his wife, Judy, were delighted to spend three years in Sweden with Dan being the British Military Attaché (Book, “Diplomatic Dan”).

 

Diplomatic Dan
Diplomatic Dan

On his return to England Dan was Project Manager for Infantry Weapons, and then a Colonel at the Royal Military College of Science, Shrivenham, Oxfordshire. After retiring from the army in 1979, he continued to work at the College as a scientific civil servant for a further twelve years. While there he invented “Raschen Bags”, an indestructible cushion for use under mortars.

 

Dan Raschen
Dan Raschen

 

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Possibly The Most Rejected Book Manuscript In The World

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Gilbert Young was as aspiring writer, something that will find sympathy with many bloggers and blog readers I’m sure.

But Mr Young has not been the most successful of authors. In the 1970s he wrote a book, World Government Crusade, and last reports indicate that it was rejected by more publishers that any other manuscript. He even wrote to the Soviet Ambassador to see if Russian publishers might be interested. They were not.

He amassed a collection of 205 rejection slips.

It’s all hardly surprising since the subject matter of his book outlined the policies of the ‘World Government and Old Age Pensioners’ Party’ that he had founded in 1958.

But whilst Mr Young’s manuscript may well have been worthy of rejection, sometimes publishers have made serious errors when assessing work submitted to them by aspiring authors. Stupidity is indeed everywhere!

Take a look at these famous examples and the publisher’s comments. It’s a fairly long list, but interesting to see the variety of great writers who started off their careers being rejected. At least some of them will surprise you!

Thank goodness they were persistent enough to carry on. Another good lesson there for aspiring writers today.

Perhaps rather fittingly, whilst the authors and books they criticized have gone on to become household names, the publishers doing the rejecting have long been forgotten.

Enjoy.

 

 

“Lady Chatterley’s Lover” by D H Lawrence

‘for your own sake do not publish this book.’

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“The Wind in the Willows” by Kenneth Grahame

‘an irresponsible holiday story’

————————–

“Lord of the Flies” by William Golding

‘an absurd and uninteresting fantasy which was rubbish and dull.’

————————–

“Watership Down” by Richard Adams

‘older children wouldn’t like it because its language was too difficult.’

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“Valley of the Dolls” by Jacqueline Susann 

Susann’s “Valley Of The Dolls” received this response, “…she is a painfully dull, inept, clumsy, undisciplined, rambling and thoroughly amateurish writer whose every sentence, paragraph and scene cries for the hand of a pro. She wastes endless pages on utter trivia, writes wide-eyed romantic scenes …hauls out every terrible show biz cliché in all the books, lets every good scene fall apart in endless talk and allows her book to ramble aimlessly …”

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“Crash” by J  G Ballard

‘The author of this book is beyond psychiatric help.’

—————————

“The Torrents of Spring” by Ernest Hemingway

Regarding his novel, “The Torrents of Spring”, Ernest Hemingway was rejected with, “It would be extremely rotten taste, to say nothing of being horribly cruel, should we want to publish it.”

—————————-

“Moby Dick” by Herman Melville

Melville was told, “We regret to say that our united opinion is entirely against the book as we do not think it would be at all suitable for the Juvenile Market in (England). It is very long, rather old-fashioned…”

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William Faulkner

Faulkner may be a classic writer to this, as well as prior, generation, but back when he was trying to crack the publishing market, he had to read letters like this one, “If the book had a plot and structure, we might suggest shortening and revisions, but it is so diffuse that I don’t think this would be of any use. My chief objection is that you don’t have any story to tell.” This was kinder than the rejection he would receive just two years later, “Good God, I can’t publish this!”

——————————

“The Deer Park” by Norman Mailer

‘This will set publishing back 25 years.’

——————————-

“Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” by Anita Loos

‘Do you realize, young woman, that you’re the first American writer ever to poke fun at sex.’

——————————–

“The Diary of Anne Frank”

‘The girl doesn’t, it seems to me, have a special perception or feeling which would lift that book above the “curiosity” level.’ 

—————————–

“Lust for Life” by Irving Stone

Stone’s manuscript “Lust For Life” was rejected 16 times, with letters like this, “A long, dull novel about an artist.” Eventually he found a publisher and went on to sell about 25 million copies.

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“Barchester Towers” by Anthony Trollope

‘The grand defect of the work, I think, as a work of art is the low-mindedness and vulgarity of the chief actors.  There is hardly a lady” or “gentleman” amongst them.’

—————————

“Carrie” by Stephen King

‘We are not interested in science fiction which deals with negative utopias.  They do not sell.’

—————————–

“Catch – 22” by Joseph Heller

‘I haven’t really the foggiest idea about what the man is trying to say… Apparently the author intends it to be funny – possibly even satire – but it is really not funny on any intellectual level … From your long publishing experience you will know that it is less disastrous to turn down a work of genius than to turn down talented mediocrities.’

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“The Spy who Came in from the Cold” by John le Carré

‘You’re welcome to le Carré – he hasn’t got any future.’

———————-

“The War Of The Worlds”  &  “The Time Machine” by H.G. Wells

Wells had to endure the indignity of a rejection when he submitted his manuscript, “The War of the Worlds” that said, “An endless nightmare. I do not believe it would “take”…I think the verdict would be ‘Oh don’t read that horrid book’.”

And when he tried to market “The Time Machine,” it was said, “It is not interesting enough for the general reader and not thorough enough for the scientific reader.”

———————-

“Animal Farm” by George Orwell

‘It is impossible to sell animal stories in the USA’

———————–

Edgar Allen Poe

Poe was told, “Readers in this country have a decided and strong preference for works in which a single and connected story occupies the entire volume.”

———————–

 “A Wrinkle In Time” by Madeleine L’Engle

L’Engle’s “A Wrinkle In Time” was turned down 29 times.

————————-

“Bridge Over River Kwai” by Pierre Boulle 

A rejection letter said, “A very bad book.”

————————–

“The Clan of Cave Bear” by Jean Auel

Auel was told, “We are very impressed with the depth and scope of your research and the quality of your prose. Nevertheless … we don’t think we could distribute enough copies to satisfy you or ourselves.”

————————–

“Jonathan Livingston Seagull” by Richard Bach

The publisher of a magazine refusing an offer to bid on the paperback rights to Bach’s best selling novel said, “Jonathan Livingston Seagull will never make it as a paperback.” Avon Books eventually bought those rights and sales totaled more than 7.25 million copies.

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“The Fountainhead” & “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand

Before Ayn Rand became known as an intellectual and her books as classics, she too received rejections. Of “The Fountin Head” they said, “It is badly written and the hero is unsympathetic,” and, “I wish there were an audience for a book of this kind. But there isn’t. It won’t sell.”

Of “Atlas Shrugged” doing the rounds some fourteen years later, “… the book is much too long. There are too many long speeches… I regret to say that the book is unsaleable and unpublishable.”

—————————–

“Lady Windermere’s Fan” by Oscar Wilde

‘My dear sir, I have read your manuscript.  Oh, my dear sir.’

—————————–

Jorge Luis Borges

‘utterly untranslatable’

——————————-

Isaac Bashevis Singer

‘It’s Poland and the rich Jews again.’

——————————-

Anais Nin

‘There is no commercial advantage in acquiring her, and, in my opinion, no artistic.’

——————————

Dr Seuss

“too different from other juveniles on the market to warrant its selling.”

———————————-

Beatrix Potter

“The Tale Of Peter Rabbit” was turned down so many times, Potter initially self-published it.

————————————

Rudyard Kipling

Kipling received this from the editor of the San Francisco Examiner, “I’m sorry, Mr. Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language.”

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“Journey Back to Love” by Mary Higgins Clark

Although mystery writer Mary Higgins Clark more recently has received a $60 plus million dollar advance on her next five books, in the early 1960s when she was sending out her manuscript of “Journey Back to Love” the publishers were not so generous, saying things like, “We found the heroine as boring as her husband did.”

————————–

Colette

Classic writer Colette was told in a letter of rejection, “I wouldn’t be able to sell 10 copies.”

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Emily Dickinson

Only seven of Emily Dickinson’s poems were ever published during her lifetime. A rejection early in her career said, “(Your poems) are quite as remarkable for defects as for beauties and are generally devoid of true poetical qualities.”

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Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

‘… overwhelmingly nauseating, even to an enlightened Freudian … the whole thing is an unsure cross between hideous reality and improbable fantasy.  It often becomes a wild neurotic daydream … I recommend that it be buried under a stone for a thousand years.