Why Isn’t There An I In Cyclops?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun day again. How quickly they seem to come around.

Here’s the latest selection.

Enjoy or endure!

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The key to winning world’s best chiropodist title is no mean feet.

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I got woken up at 5am today by a bird tweeting.

If she doesn’t get a grip on her Internet addiction soon, I’m dumping her.

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Mulled wine is just wine that people think a lot about.

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My friend told me he is going to a fancy dress

party as a native American warrior.

I thought, that’s brave.

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I’ve just given a ten minute presentation

about underwear to Stephen Hawking.

It was a timed history of briefs.

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My friend asked me,

“Why are you so lazy when it comes to numbers?”

I said “You do the maths.”

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Dave the slug and Pete the termite are in the pub.

“I’d love to win the lottery,” Dave the slug said.

“Not me,” replied Pete the termite. “No way.”

“Why not?” asked Dave the slug.

“It would be a nightmare,” Pete the termite said.

“I’d have all my family crawling out of the woodwork after a share.”

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I said to the wife, “How come I never find you in the mood for sex?”

She replied, “You don’t look hard enough.”

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I always pray before I play a game of pool.

That way the angles help me.

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Reports are coming in of a huge explosion

in a baking powder factory.

Police are expecting casualties to rise.

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My wife gets furious when I put her down in front of my friends.

But it’s really embarrassing carrying around a 35 year old woman.

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What is small, red and whispers?

A hoarse raddish.

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While trekking in Nepal I saw a Yeti with an awesome six-pack.

Must have been the abdominal snowman.

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To become a good dentist,

you need a degree in Flossify.

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Just found out that ‘Aaarrrggghhh’ is not a real word.

I can’t even tell you how angry I am!

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Clones Are People Two.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Great news today!

The September puns start here.

I know you will, but I’ll say it anyway.

Enjoy!

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My son broke his Apple computer today and

had the audacity to ask me to buy him a new one.

I just told him, “Apples don’t grow on trees you know!”

 

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I didn’t hear the sea when I held a Shell up.

I did, however, get six years in jail

for armed robbery of a gas station.

 

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NBC have commissioned my new show about

what goes on inside an airplane cockpit.

We’re filming the pilot next week.

 

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A man walks into a library and says

“I hope you don’t have a book on reverse psychology.”

 

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People used to tell me being blind would

hinder my chances of becoming a comedian.

Who’s laughing now?

 

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My cheating ex-girlfriend was called Tulsa.

Looking back, she was aslut.

 

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My friend recently moved in with his girlfriend

and her massive magazine collection.

But when she refused to part with them he left her.

Apparently she had too many issues.

 

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I’m not worried about the Third World War.

That’s the Third World’s Problem.

 

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I have got a bit of a reputation as a ladies man in my local bar.

All I can say is, they smell so much cleaner than the gents.

 

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Some guy broke into my house last night.

Thankfully the only thing he took was one of my bullets.

 

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My father’s answer to everything was alcohol.

He didn’t drink, he was just bad at quizzes.

 

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I recently went on a holiday to a place called Romania.

It was useless; no one was even rowing.

 

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A guy I know has invented a new hobby

called “blindfold plane watching”.

Can’t see it taking off.

 

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I was watching a DVD on my laptop when I thought,

“Maybe it would be better if I put it in.”

 

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My wife told me she was absolutely fed up with the world.

“Why?” I asked

“Arrogant people like you!” she screamed back.

I said “Yeah they do, don’t they?”

 

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Someone has been pretending to be Mr T by using a similar name,

but no-one knows his real identity.

It’s a Mr E.

 

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I’m reading a book about the Titanic at the moment,

and the experts speculate that the designer of the Titanic had a lisp.

That’s unthinkable!

 

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I went to the shop and said, “I need a battery so I can tell the time.”

The man said, “Is it for a clock?”

I said, “How do I know, that’s why I asked you for a battery.”

 

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I won $2 million on the lottery this weekend

so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Now I have $ 1,999,999.75.

 

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I’ll leave you with a word of warning.

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Did You Know? The Facts – Just Gimme The Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Just gimme the facts it says in the title and that’s exactly what you get.

It’s another interesting fact day at the fasab blog.

Enjoy.

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The word “moose” comes from the native

Algonquian Indian word meaning “twig eater.”

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Before he wrote Jaws,

Peter Benchley was a speechwriter for LBJ.

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In 1728, the philosopher Voltaire got rich by outsmarting the lottery.

When the French government accidentally created a raffle where the prize money

was significantly larger than the cost of all the tickets combined,

Voltaire and his friend formed a syndicate, bought all the tickets, and won.

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It takes the Hubble telescope about 97 minutes to complete an orbit of the Earth.

On average, the Hubble uses the equivalent amount of energy

as 30 household lightbulbs to complete an orbit.

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There are over 100 styles of BluBlocker sunglasses available on the market

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People didn’t always say “hello” when they answered the phone.

When the first regular phone service was established in 1878,

people said “ahoy.”

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One of the Bond girls in the James Bond movie,

“For Your Eyes Only,”

used to be a man

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The word Himalayas means the “home of snow.”

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The Margherita pizza was named for Margherita of Savoy,

Queen consort of Italy from 1878-1900,

during the reign of her husband, King Umberto I.

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Over 175 million cubic yards of earth

was removed for the creation of the Panama Canal

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Hawaii is the most geographically isolated land mass in the world.

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By partially filling saucers with vinegar and

distributing the saucers around a room,

you can eliminate odors

– well, accept for them smell of vinegar perhaps!

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Oddly enough

– or perhaps not, as the case may be –  

the very first high heels were made for soldiers in the 1500s

who needed a way to keep their feet snugly tucked

into their stirrups while riding on horseback.

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Fredric Baur invented the Pringles can.

When he died in 2008, his ashes were buried in one.

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The famous jewelry store Tiffany & Co.

was established on September 18, 1837 in New York City.

The amount of sales that were made the first day were $4.98

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A man filed a lawsuit against his doctor

because he survived longer than what the doctor had predicted

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During WWII, La-Z-Boy manufactured seats for tanks,

torpedo boats, gun turrets, and armored cars.

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It requires 63 feet of wire to make a Slinky toy

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The Hollywood sign was first erected in 1923.

It was first erected as “Hollywoodland.”

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Janis Joplin left $2,500 in her will for her friends to

“have a ball after I’m gone.”

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