“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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Great news today!
The September puns start here.
I know you will, but I’ll say it anyway.
Enjoy!
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My son broke his Apple computer today and
had the audacity to ask me to buy him a new one.
I just told him, “Apples don’t grow on trees you know!”
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I didn’t hear the sea when I held a Shell up.
I did, however, get six years in jail
for armed robbery of a gas station.
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NBC have commissioned my new show about
what goes on inside an airplane cockpit.
We’re filming the pilot next week.
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A man walks into a library and says
“I hope you don’t have a book on reverse psychology.”
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People used to tell me being blind would
hinder my chances of becoming a comedian.
Who’s laughing now?
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My cheating ex-girlfriend was called Tulsa.
Looking back, she was aslut.
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My friend recently moved in with his girlfriend
and her massive magazine collection.
But when she refused to part with them he left her.
Apparently she had too many issues.
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I’m not worried about the Third World War.
That’s the Third World’s Problem.
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I have got a bit of a reputation as a ladies man in my local bar.
All I can say is, they smell so much cleaner than the gents.
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Some guy broke into my house last night.
Thankfully the only thing he took was one of my bullets.
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My father’s answer to everything was alcohol.
He didn’t drink, he was just bad at quizzes.
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I recently went on a holiday to a place called Romania.
It was useless; no one was even rowing.
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A guy I know has invented a new hobby
called “blindfold plane watching”.
Can’t see it taking off.
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I was watching a DVD on my laptop when I thought,
“Maybe it would be better if I put it in.”
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My wife told me she was absolutely fed up with the world.
“Why?” I asked
“Arrogant people like you!” she screamed back.
I said “Yeah they do, don’t they?”
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Someone has been pretending to be Mr T by using a similar name,
but no-one knows his real identity.
It’s a Mr E.
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I’m reading a book about the Titanic at the moment,
and the experts speculate that the designer of the Titanic had a lisp.
That’s unthinkable!
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I went to the shop and said, “I need a battery so I can tell the time.”
The man said, “Is it for a clock?”
I said, “How do I know, that’s why I asked you for a battery.”
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I won $2 million on the lottery this weekend
so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
Now I have $ 1,999,999.75.
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I’ll leave you with a word of warning.
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fasab 