Land Yourself A Lot Of Points In Today’s Quiz!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, there is the opportunity to land yourself with a lot of points in today’s quiz, but some of the questions are quite difficult too so don’t be over confidant.

However, don’t worry, if you get stuck you can always find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Q.  1:  How many legs has a tarantula?

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Q.  2:  ‘Zn’ is the symbol of which chemical element?

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Q.  3:  What name is given to a baby elephant?

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Q.  4:  What is the smallest bone in the body and where is it located? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q.  5:  What is the fahrenheit equivalent of 20 degrees centigrade?

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Q.  6:  What city is known as ‘The City of Lilies’ ?

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Q.  7:  Who was famous for his theory of gravity and 3 laws of motion?

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Q.  8:  What is the most common transplant operation?

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Q.  9:  What is the major element of the diet of the Koala bear?

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Q. 10:  And in a related question, what is the major element of the diet of the wild giant panda?

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Q. 11:  Which gas is responsible for global warming?

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Q. 12:  The Ross and Weddell Seas are to be found off the shore of which continent?

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Q. 13:  Now for a mega-point question. Listed below (in alphabetical order) are ten countries ending in the word ‘land’. A point for each one you can name correctly.

            _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _   _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _   _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _   _ _ _ _ _ _ L A N D _

            _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ _ _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ _ L A N D

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Q. 14:  Who led the Seventh Cavalry to its doom at the Battle of Little Bighorn?

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Q. 15:  John Flamsteed was the first holder of which far-sighted post, created in 1675?

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Q. 16:  What term is given to the technique where paint is mixed and bound with egg yolk?

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Q. 17:  What was launched by Pope Urban II at the Council of Clermont in 1095?

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Q. 18:  Who went on a circumnavigation of the world from the Reform Club as the result of a bet?

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Q. 19:  Which New Zealand-born physicist is credited with splitting the atom?

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Q. 20:  Which motoring aid was invented by Percy Shaw?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  How many legs has a tarantula?

A.  1:  Eight.

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Q.  2:  ‘Zn’ is the symbol of which chemical element?

A.  2:  Zinc.

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Q.  3:  What name is given to a baby elephant?

A.  3:  A baby elephant is called a ‘Calf’.

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Q.  4:  What is the smallest bone in the body and where is it located? (A point for each correct answer.)

A.  4:  It is called the ‘Stirrup’ and it is located in the ear.

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Q.  5:  What is the fahrenheit equivalent of 20 degrees centigrade?

A.  5:  20 degrees centigrade is 68 degrees Fahrenheit.

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Q.  6:  What city is known as ‘The City of Lilies’ ?

A.  6:  Florence.

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Q.  7:  Who was famous for his theory of gravity and 3 laws of motion?

A.  7:  Sir Isaac Newton.

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Q.  8:  What is the most common transplant operation?

A.  8:  The Bone graft.

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Q.  9:  What is the major element of the diet of the Koala bear?

A.  9:  Eucalyptus leaves.

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Q. 10:  And in a related question, what is the major element of the diet of the wild giant panda?

A. 10:  A wild giant panda’s diet is almost exclusively (99 percent) bamboo.

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Q. 11:  Which gas is responsible for global warming?

A. 11:  Carbon dioxide.

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Q. 12:  The Ross and Weddell Seas are to be found off the shore of which continent?

A. 12:  Antarctica.

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Q. 13:  Now for a mega-point question. Listed below (in alphabetical order) are ten countries ending in the word ‘land’. A point for each one you can name correctly.

            _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _   _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _   _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _   _ _ _ _ _ _ L A N D _

            _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ _ _ _ _ L A N D

            _ _ _ _ L A N D

A. 13:  The correct answers are:

            FINLAND

            ICELAND

            IRELAND

            NORTHERN IRELAND

            NEW ZEALAND

            THE NETHERLANDS

            POLAND

            SWAZILAND

            SWITZERLAND

            THAILAND.

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Q. 14:  Who led the Seventh Cavalry to its doom at the Battle of Little Bighorn?

A. 14:  Lt-Col George Armstrong Custer.

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Q. 15:  John Flamsteed was the first holder of which far-sighted post, created in 1675?

A. 15:  He was the first Astronomer Royal.

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Q. 16:  What term is given to the technique where paint is mixed and bound with egg yolk?

A. 16:  It is known as ‘Tempera’.

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Q. 17:  What was launched by Pope Urban II at the Council of Clermont in 1095?

A. 17:  The First Crusade.

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Q. 18:  Who went on a circumnavigation of the world from the Reform Club as the result of a bet?

A. 18:  Phileas Fogg and his servant Passepartout (you get the point for naming Phileas Fogg correctly AND two posssible bonus points if you also knew the name of his servant. (From Jules Verne’s Around the World in Eighty Days).

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Q. 19:  Which New Zealand-born physicist is credited with splitting the atom?

A. 19:  Sir Ernest Rutherford.

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Q. 20:  Which motoring aid was invented by Percy Shaw?

A. 20:  He invented the reflectors known as ‘Cats eyes’, getting his inspiration when he saw a light reflecting off a cat’s eyes as it walked towards him. (British comedian Ken Dodd said that if the cat had been walking away from him he would probably have invented the pencil sharpener!)

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Just Thought Of A Great Owl Joke, But I Can’t Use It Until 2/8/20.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, once again the clue was in the title, pun day.

Contrary to rumors on the internet puns have not been cancelled. Resistance is futile. 

So brace yourselves or whatever it is that you usually do.

But enjoy!

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I complained to the furniture store after a sofa I ordered

was dumped in the stairwell of my apartment block.

They said I need to take it up with the delivery man.

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My friend Max hates going up steep hills.

He’s always been a bit of an anti-climb Max.

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What idiot invented fire blankets?

You’d think fire was hot enough…

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I was stood at a barberque the other day,

Yep, 30 minutes I waited for a haircut.

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George made himself a girlfriend out of plastic food wrap.

He said she was a bit clingy.

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I’ll tell you a couple of things that make me jump.

My legs.

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A neighbor was molested by his priest when he was a kid,

It’s quite a touching story.

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I’ve just been banned from an online fashion forum.

Apparently my threads weren’t cool enough.

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The best thing about being single is sleeping around.

You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours:

left, right, middle, whatever.

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The wife finally finished writing her

book about cooking with herbs.

It’s about thyme.

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I can beat anybody in a fight with only one hand.

It’s the two-handed blokes who beat the crap out of me.

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Bono came into my shop today to buy a cake.

I asked him, “What do you want on it?”

He said, “Icing”

I said, “I know that, but what do you want on your cake?”

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Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims

by threatening them with a lit match.

They want to catch him before he strikes again.

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My Dad loves The Beatles and has all but one of the

original L.P. records with autographed sleeves.

I think he needs Help.

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There are many advantages of visiting Switzerland.

I mean, even the flag itself is a big plus.

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I was lying in bed and I thought,

“I’ve gotta start telling the truth.”

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I said, “I’ve locked my keys in my car and my children are inside.”

My neighbor said, “Do you have a spare set?”

I said, “Yeah, I’ve got two sons with my ex-wife.”

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For sale.

Modified DeLorean DMC-12.

No timewasters.

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I got chatting to a lumberjack in a bar the other day.

He seemed like a decent feller.

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I just bet on three horses called

Sunshine, Moonlight and Good Times,

and none of them won.

I blame it on the bookie.

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Perfectly Timed Photos, Part Two

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to part two of this short series of perfectly timed photos, where the click of the camera caught that perfect moment in time.

I would hazard a guess that most of these were taken accidentally, but however they were done the results are good.

Enjoy today’s selection

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Jobs Blow For Sex Workers

 “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Thought it was safe?

Sorry, pun day again folks.

Enjoy!

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Deja Moo:

The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

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I’m not a complete idiot

Some parts are just missing.

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The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

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A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:

“A beer please, and one for the road.”

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Did you hear about the butcher backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.

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She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg,

but broke it off.

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Without geometry, life is pointless.

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Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

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I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

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Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

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Dockyard:

A physician’s garden.

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A guy was confused about why the doctors had amputated his arms and legs.

In fact he was stumped.

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A man wakes up on a deserted island

only to find that the sun, sand and sea are all purple.

He cried: “Oh no, I’ve been marooned!”

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Men need to stop telling jokes about women’s menstrual cycle!

Period.

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My girlfriend said that she’s leaving me,

because of my constant grass related puns.

I told her to sod off.

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My wife gave me a lecture about

my obsession with mythical creature puns.

It didn’t half Dragon.

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A nine-year-old lad walks into a pub and yells at the barmaid for a Scotch on the rocks.

‘Do you want to get me into trouble?’ she replies.

‘Maybe later,’ says the boy, ‘but now I just want a drink’.

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Can You Answer Any Of These Conundrums? Or Should That Be Conundra??

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Well if you can answer the question in the title of this post then you’re off to a good start. I know what my speel chekkar says, and I think that it is wrong.

Which brings me to another short semi-rant in the form of a question. Why does the WordPress speel chekkar keep highlighting the word “wordpress” as being spelled incorrectly?

Think on that as you tackle the rest of today’s (cue the wavy red line)  conundra!

Enjoy.

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If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

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When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

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If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?

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If corn can’t hear, why does it have an ear?

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If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

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If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of?

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If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?

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If I save time, when do I get it back?

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If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

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If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?

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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

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If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

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If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

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If you didn’t get caught, did you really do it?

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Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

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If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands?

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Six!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello and welcome to part six of the series on Classified Ads that didn’t quite go according to plan. I don’t know whether any of these were successful in that they sold whatever it was they were trying to sell, but they certainly made it on  to the fasab funny pile!

Enjoy.

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