Just Been On Holiday In The South Of France….. It Was Nice!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A nice holiday in Nice, how nice.

Yes, pun day again folks.

Strap yourselves in and…..

Enjoy or endure!

. rofl

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Working as a cake waiter at a wedding,

I saw the most beautiful girl from across the room.

I immediately took a fancy to her.

fancy

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What berries do fat people enjoy the most?

Cadburys!

Cadburys-Dairy-Milk

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Guess what is in the middle of nowhere…

‘h’

 

nowhere

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I got bullied as a child for having glasses.

Every other kid in the neighborhood could only afford paper cups.

disposable-paper-cups-glasses

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A female police officer used a taser gun on me yesterday.

She was stunning.

taser

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Two hours ago I told my kid to shut his mouth and eat his supper.

The poor boy is still sitting at the table trying to figure out how to do it.

cartoon kid mouth shut

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I was supposed to go for a job interview

as a camouflage expert last week.

I didn’t turn up, and I got the job!

camouflage expert

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Did you hear the one about the depressed frog?

He wanted to kermit suicide.

kermit

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I caught my wife with another man last night.

Don’t worry though, it’s a trapeze act.

trapeze act

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I accidently left an apple outside my local Doctor’s surgery.

Now I’m worried he won’t be able to get in.

an apple a day keeps the doctor away

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I’m considering becoming a mind reader.

What are your thoughts?

mind reader

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I’ve just invented a machine that can immediately

tell you what condition a painting is in.

It’s state-of-the-art technology.

state of the art

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When you type

“Missing medieval servant”  

into Google it comes up with

“Page not found”

Page

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A man walked into a bar and ordered half a coke.

The barman said “OK”.

half a coke

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I went into the music store earlier and asked the guy

behind the counter if they had anything by Run DMC.

“Walk this way,” he replied.

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Did You Know? More From The Strange Fact File

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here is another very random selection of strange facts from fasab’s files.

As with other in this series, by the time you have read these you will know more than you did and possible more than you want to.

But have a look anyway.

Enjoy.

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The adult electric eel can produce a five hundred volt shock,

which is enough to stun a horse

– and I don’t mean a seahorse!

electric eel

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As an iceberg melts, it makes a fizzing sound
because of the compressed air bubbles popping in the ice

iceberg

Kermit the frog delivered the commencement address

at Southampton College located in the state of New York in 1996

Kermit

The mythical Scottish town of Brigadoon

appears for one day every one hundred years

Brigadoon

A rainbow can occur only when the sun

is 40 degrees or less above the horizon

rainbow

The most common injury caused by cosmetics

is to the eye by a mascara wand

mascara-wand

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The sound made by the toadfish when mating underwater

is so loud that it can be heard by humans on the shore

toadfish

In America, approximately 20% of children between

the ages of 2 – 7 have televisions in their rooms

cartoon-tv-man

Families who do turn off the television during meals tend to eat healthier.

This was regardless of family income, or education

healthy-eating1

Two out of five people end up marrying their first love

first love

Forty-one percent of women apply body and

hand moisturizer at least three times a day

woman-applying-moisturizer

Scientists have determined that having guilty feelings

may actually damage your immune system

Feeling Guilty after Eating pactket in my Papperoni__

The first box of Crayola that was ever sold

had the same eight colours that are sold in the box today

consisting of red, blue, yellow, green, violet, orange, black and brown.

The box was sold for a nickel in 1903

CrayolaCrayons24CtOpenBox

The best time for a person to buy shoes is in the afternoon.

This is because the foot tends to swell a bit around this time

swollen_feet_by_jerrykongart-d388jbm

According to psychologists, the shoe and the foot

are the most common sources of sexual fetishism in Western society

foot fetish

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Bank robber John Dillinger played professional baseball

dillinger baseball
John Dillinger top left

The first company to mass produce teddy bears was the Ideal Toy Company

ideal-toy-corp-teddy-bear-1910

Flight pioneer and pilot, Orville Wright,

was involved in the first aircraft accident.

His passenger was killed.

Orville Wright crash

The mother of famous astronomer Johannes Kepler

was accused of being a witch

Johannes_Kepler_1610
Johannes Kepler 1610

In the past 60 years, the groundhog has only predicted

the weather correctly 28% of the time.

The rushing back and forth from burrows

is believed to indicate sexual activity, not shadow seeking

groundhog

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Smell My Finger! – It’s Quiz Show Answers Monday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I can’t believe how fast this year is going. Another Monday and half way through October. But no matter how much time we put in people don’t seem to be getting any smarter. I think this next selection of quiz show answers proves it yet again.

And it may help to explain the rather odd headline on this post too.

Enjoy!

 

 

Q: Name a talk show host you watch in the daytime        

A: Louie Anderson

 

 

Q: An electric appliance designed to be handheld           

A: Blender

 

 

Q: An animal with more than four legs   

A: Dog

A: Horse

 

 

Q: Name a famous woman who seems to intimidate other men   

A: Barbara Bush

 

 

Q: Name something that can damage a home    

A: A woman

 

 

Q: Name a food that comes in instant form       

A: Asparagus   

 

 

Q: Name something you ask people to smell     

A: Your finger   

 

 

Q: Name something that runs on a track

A: Speakers     

 

 

Q: An instrument used by a doctor        

A: Violin

 

 

Q: Name something in a candy bar, besides chocolate  

A: Candy

 

 

Q: The country with the most intriguing women   

A: Africa

 

 

Q: Name a bad habit that has serious consequences     

A: Picking your nose     

 

 

Q: Name a cartoon character with big ears         

A: Kermit the Frog

 

 

Q: Name something Scotch      

A: Water

 

 

Q: Name a famous Barbara       

A: Barbara Washington

 

 

Q: Name a city that jetsetters visit         

A: Florida

A: Norway

 

 

Q: Name a woman who’s had her breasts supersized     

A: Wonder Woman

 

 

Q: An age where a person would be happy to be carded at a bar

A: 18

 

 

Q: Name something people cheat on     

A: Chicago Bears

 

 

Q: Name something you might find in a manicure set     

A: A wig

 

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