Happy Thanksgiving 2014.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Today is the fourth Thursday of November and also the last Thursday in November so whether you think Lincoln was right or Roosevelt was right, it still Thanksgiving Day in the USA.

To everyone who participates, enjoy the family holiday, eat too much and drink too much.

Last year I did what turned out to be a very popular post called “I Had To Post A Few Turkey Puns Today, Of Course They Are Fowl” ( Click here if you would like to read it.) And this year I’ve done it again.

So here are some more really bad jokes.

Enjoy or endure.

.

.

Thanksgiving,

the time of year when turkeys

fatten Americans up for Christmas!

.

.

Why didn’t the Pilgrim want to make the stuffing?

Because it’s such a crummy job!

.

.

What happened when the turkey got into a fight?

He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

.

.

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?

Plymouth Rock, of course!

.

.

What would you get if you crossed

a turkey with a baked fruit dessert?

A peach gobbler!

.

.

What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?

The turkey trot

.

.

What does a Turkey drink wine in?

In a gobble-let

.

.

What did baby corn say to mama corn?

Where’s popcorn?

.

.

Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?

To try to hatchet!

.

.

Teacher: “What did the Indians bring

to the first Thanksgiving?”

Student: “Baseballs.”

Teacher: “Baseballs?”

Student: “Yeah,

they were Cleveland Indians!”

.

.

Who is the turkey’s favorite movie star?

Gregory Peck.

.

.

If you divide the circumference

of a pumpkin by its diameter

Do you end up with

Pumpkin pi?

.

.

Can a turkey jump higher than

the Empire State Building?

Yes of course it can

– a building can’t jump at all.

.

.

Why did the pilgrim’s pants keep falling down?

Because his buckle was on his hat!

.

.

And finally,

instead of talking turkey,

let’s hear someone sing turkey instead.

Take it away Dickie Stickhead

(Phew, you have to be careful how you say that name!)

.

.

===========================================

.

Apparently Towels Are The Biggest Cause Of Dry Skin.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

I couldn’t make my mind for a while whether that title was a pun or a fabulous fact.

But it’s Pun Day, so a play on words it is.

Enjoy or endure!

.

.

My uncle works for a company

that makes bicycle wheels.

He’s the Spokesman.

.

.

Police, “You’re under arrest for trespassing.”

Me, “On what grounds?”

.

.

I know a guy who in his spare time likes to dress up as a knight,

and jump over 20 parked cars on a horse.

I call him Medieval Knievel.

.

.

Having fake teeth.

That’ll denture confidence

.

.

I actually tried plane sailing the other day….

It’s not as easy as it’s made out to be.

.

.

Why do elephants have big ears?

Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom.

.

.

My wife always gets annoyed when I leave her out.

Especially if it’s raining.

.

.

Arkansas is just Kansas with pirates.

.

.

Once when I was in Chicago I did 35 press-ups in a row…

The elevator attendant looked pretty annoyed.

.

.

I’ve spent my entire life researching the multiples of zero,

my career has amounted to nothing. 

.

.

I asked my friend the other day, “Where’s your mum from?”

He replied, “Alaska.”

I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll ask her myself.”

.

.

I saw a man with a trolley

full of horseshoes and rabbits’ feet earlier,

trying to get it up a hill.

I thought, “He’s pushing his luck.”

.

.

Some people say it’s sick and perverted to be a flasher.

I think it shows a lot of balls.

.

.

A Zen master once said to me,

“Do the opposite of whatever I tell you.”

So I didn’t.

.

.

I was referred to Dr. Dre the other day,

I have to go in for a hip-hoperation.

.

.

============================================

.

Just Thought Of A Great Owl Joke, But I Can’t Use It Until 2/8/20.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Yes, once again the clue was in the title, pun day.

Contrary to rumors on the internet puns have not been cancelled. Resistance is futile. 

So brace yourselves or whatever it is that you usually do.

But enjoy!

.

.

I complained to the furniture store after a sofa I ordered

was dumped in the stairwell of my apartment block.

They said I need to take it up with the delivery man.

.

.

My friend Max hates going up steep hills.

He’s always been a bit of an anti-climb Max.

.

.

What idiot invented fire blankets?

You’d think fire was hot enough…

.

.

I was stood at a barberque the other day,

Yep, 30 minutes I waited for a haircut.

.

.

George made himself a girlfriend out of plastic food wrap.

He said she was a bit clingy.

.

.

I’ll tell you a couple of things that make me jump.

My legs.

.

.

A neighbor was molested by his priest when he was a kid,

It’s quite a touching story.

.

.

I’ve just been banned from an online fashion forum.

Apparently my threads weren’t cool enough.

.

.

The best thing about being single is sleeping around.

You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours:

left, right, middle, whatever.

.

.

The wife finally finished writing her

book about cooking with herbs.

It’s about thyme.

.

.

I can beat anybody in a fight with only one hand.

It’s the two-handed blokes who beat the crap out of me.

.

.

Bono came into my shop today to buy a cake.

I asked him, “What do you want on it?”

He said, “Icing”

I said, “I know that, but what do you want on your cake?”

.

.

Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims

by threatening them with a lit match.

They want to catch him before he strikes again.

.

.

My Dad loves The Beatles and has all but one of the

original L.P. records with autographed sleeves.

I think he needs Help.

.

.

There are many advantages of visiting Switzerland.

I mean, even the flag itself is a big plus.

.

.

I was lying in bed and I thought,

“I’ve gotta start telling the truth.”

.

.

I said, “I’ve locked my keys in my car and my children are inside.”

My neighbor said, “Do you have a spare set?”

I said, “Yeah, I’ve got two sons with my ex-wife.”

.

.

For sale.

Modified DeLorean DMC-12.

No timewasters.

.

.

I got chatting to a lumberjack in a bar the other day.

He seemed like a decent feller.

.

.

I just bet on three horses called

Sunshine, Moonlight and Good Times,

and none of them won.

I blame it on the bookie.

.

.

===============================

.