I’ve Heard Of A Plane Going Missing – But An Entire Airport???

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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lost

Bureaucrats lose things because they are incompetent and stupid.

We all know that.

My posts on the debacle at the US government’s Office of Personnel Management, where they lost over 21 million records of government employees and those who had applied for government jobs, was a good example.

I though at the time I read about this and did my blog posts that this would be a tough one to beat as regards stupidity and incompetence.

I was wrong.

Shannon-airport-building-2008

 

Enter the Irish.

Irish bureaucrats have lost an entire airport.

And it only cost them €27 million  to do it.

A bargain one might think in terms of bureaucratic faux pas.

Up until last week you could find Ireland’s Shannon Airport, in Shannon, County Clare.

Sounds logical enough. If I was looking for Shannon Airport, Shannon is the first place I would look for it. They have had an airport there for over seventy years.

Now, however, after the introduction of Ireland’s new €27 million postcode system, the ‘Eircode’, you can now find Shannon Airport in – wait for it – a different county, County Limerick.

mapofcountiesofireland

If that isn’t funny enough, the system also has a ‘mapping’ option which the bureaucrats say can identify the exact latitude and longitude of 2.2 million individual addresses. They’ll most likely be in the wrong latitude and longitude, but at least you know exactly how wrong the location is.

Naturally there are other problems with the ‘Eircode’ postcode system, ranging from other incorrect addresses to data protection concerns, but the airport one is the star of the show.

In typical bureaucratic fashion, despite the fact that the whole thing is an almighty mess, Communications Minister Alex White defended the new national system.

He even claimed it would make postal deliveries much easier in the long run – the ‘long run’ presumably referring to the distance traveled by your mail going to the wrong delivery address and confused users of the system going to all the wrong places.

Communications Minister Alex White

Not only do the bewildered Irish users of this new system get wrong addresses for their €27 million, but they are only allowed a miserable fifteen searches per day, meaning you would need to persevere with it for more than a week if you were organizing a big event, like a wedding or anniversary do.

There is an option to search for more wrong addresses but the fee for that dubious privilege is between €60 and €180 a year, depending on the number of searches performed.

Good luck with selling that too!

Now where did I put the milk for my coffee?

Ah yes, in the garage next door.

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A Mish Mash Quiz Today.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to today’s quiz on the fasab blog.

Another challenging selection of questions for you.

And if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating.

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz 05

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Q.  1.  M*A*S*H was a famous book, movie and TV series, but what do the letters M A S H stand for?

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Q.  2. Wind transports approximately how many millions of tonnes of dust from the Sahara to the Amazon every year?

          a) 4 million tonnes        b) 40 million tonnes        c) 400 million tonnes

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Q.  3.  What city is known as ‘The City Of Tigers’ ? (HINT: it is not in Asia.)

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Q.  4.  ‘Ring of Bright Water’ is a book about which creatures?

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Q.  5.  This one is the name of a rich fruit cake decorated with almonds, a town in Scotland, and the last name of a comic Australian movie character. What is it?

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Q.  6.  In which country is the legendary city of Timbuktu? (If you have been following the TV series American Odyssey you’ll know this one.)

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Q.  7.  A multi-point question. What currencies are used in the following countries?

           a) USA          b) Britain          c) Japan           d) Europe          e) China

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Q.  8.  What percentage of internet users quit waiting for a video to load after 10 seconds?

            a) 10%         b) 20%         c) 30%         d) 40%         e) 50%          f) 60%

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Q.  9.  What were the first names of the four main characters of the long running and highly successful TV series ‘The Golden Girls’ ? (Bonus points if you can also correctly name the actresses who played them.)

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Q. 10.  In 1929, US Army Air Corps Lieutenant General John MacCready asked Bausch & Lomb, a New York-based medical equipment manufacturer, to create aviation sunglasses that would ban the sun rays and reduce the headaches and nausea experienced by his pilots. What name were they given?

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Q. 11.  “The devil on two sticks” is a former name for which juggling-like game?

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Q. 12.  What are the four largest countries on Earth by area? (A point for each you name correctly and a bonus point if you get them in the correct order, starting with the largest.)

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Q. 13.  What is the painting, ‘La Gioconda’, more usually known as?

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Q. 14.  What is the name of the traditional Irish potato and cabbage dish?

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Q. 15.  What is the name of John Lennon’s widow?

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Q. 16.  With whom is the fictional character ‘Alfred Pennyworth’ associated?

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Q. 17.  Who is the largest American retailer of lingerie?

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Q. 18.  In the Bible what are the names of the first and last books of the New Testament?

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Q. 19.  What was the name of the flamboyant and controversial Australian actor who starred in many movies during the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s and played characters like ‘Robin Hood’ and ‘George Custer’?

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Q. 20.  What was the name of the group that Paul McCartney went on to form in 1970 after The Beatles split up?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1.  M*A*S*H was a famous book, movie and TV series, but what do the latters M A S H stand for?

A.  1.  Mobile Army Surgical Hospital.

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Q.  2. Wind transports approximately how many millions of tonnes of dust from the Sahara to the Amazon every year?

          a) 4 million tonnes          b) 40 million tonnes          c) 400 million tonnes

A.  2. The correct answer is b) 40 million tonnes.

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Q.  3.  What city is known as ‘The City Of Tigers’ ? (HINT: it is not in Asia.)

A.  3.  It’s Oslo, Norway. (Apparently because the city was referred to as ‘Tigerstaden’ (the City of Tigers) by the author Bjørnstjerne Bjørnson around 1870, due to his perception of the city as a cold and dangerous place.

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Q.  4.  ‘Ring of Bright Water’ is a book about which creatures?

A.  4.  Otters.

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Q.  5.  This one is the name of a rich fruit cake decorated with almonds, a town in Scotland, and the last name of  a comic Australian movie character. What is it?

A.  5.  It is ‘Dundee’.

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Q.  6.  In which country is the legendary city of Timbuktu? (If you have been following the TV series American Odyssey you’ll know this one.)

A.  6.  Mali, Africa.

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Q.  7.  A multi-point question. What currencies are used in the following countries?

         a) USA       b) Britain       c) Japan       d) Europe       e) China

A.  7.  a) Dollar      b) Pound        c) Yen          d) Euro         e) Yuan Renminbi

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Q.  8.  What percentage of internet users quit waiting for a video to load after 10 seconds?

            a) 10%         b) 20%         c) 30%         d) 40%         e) 50%          f) 60%

A.  8.  The correct answer is e) 50%.

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Q.  9.  What were the first names of the four main characters of the long running and highly successful TV series ‘The Golden Girls’ ? (Bonus points if you can also correctly name the actresses who played them.)

A.  9.  They were Dorothy Zbornak (played by Bea Arthur); Rose Nylund (played by Betty White); Blanche Devereaux (played by Rue McClanahan); and Sophia Petrillo (played by Estelle Getty).

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Q. 10.  In 1929, US Army Air Corps Lieutenant General John MacCready asked Bausch & Lomb, a New York-based medical equipment manufacturer, to create aviation sunglasses that would ban the sun rays and reduce the headaches and nausea experienced by his pilots. What name were they given?

A. 10.  They were called Ray Ban.

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Q. 11.  “The devil on two sticks” is a former name for which juggling-like game?

A. 11.  Diabolo.

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Q. 12.  What are the four largest countries on Earth by area? (A point for each you name correctly and a bonus point if you get them in the correct order, starting with the largest.)

A. 12.  1)  Russia         2)  Canada          3)  United States          4) PR China

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Q. 13.  What is the painting, ‘La Gioconda’, more usually known as?

A. 13.  The Mona Lisa.

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Q. 14.  What is the name of the traditional Irish potato and cabbage dish?

A. 14.  Colcannon.

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Q. 15.  What is the name of John Lennon’s widow?

A. 15.  Yoko Ono.

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Q. 16.  With whom is the fictional character ‘Alfred Pennyworth’ associated?

A. 16.  He is butler to Bruce Wayne, aka Batman.

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Q. 17.  Who is the largest American retailer of lingerie?

A. 17.  Victoria’s Secret.

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Q. 18.  In the Bible what are the names of the first and last books of the New Testament?

A. 18.  They are the book of Matthew and the book of Revelation.

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Q. 19.  What was the name of the flamboyant and controversial Australian actor who starred in many movies during the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s and played characters like ‘Robin Hood’ and ‘George Custer’?

A. 19.  He was Errol Flynn.

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Q. 20.  What was the name of the group that Paul McCartney went on to form in 1970 after The Beatles split up?

A. 20.  It was called ‘Wings’, have a taste….

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Trophies, Medals And Loads Of Points In Today’s Quiz.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes there are questions about trophies and medals in today’s quiz, but most importantly there are loads of points to be collected – if you get the answers correct, of course.

And remember, if you do get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating.

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz confused1

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Q.  1:  What is known as ‘The Eternal City’ ?

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Q.  2:  In which sport is the ‘Vince Lombardi Trophy’ awarded?

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Q.  3:  What acid accumulates in the muscles once the anaerobic threshold is passed when doing exercise?

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Q.  4:  Who surrendered to whom, where and when to formally mark the end of the American Civil War? (A point for each correct answer, so a maximum of four points available.)

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Q.  5:  In which country are the ‘Angel Falls’, the world’s highest waterfall?

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Q.  6:  Who was the ‘sea green incorruptible’ who lead the reign of Terror in the French Revolution?

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Q.  7:  What was the name of the first spacecraft was the first to reach the Moon’s immediate orbit, and the first to be placed in heliocentric orbit?

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Q.  8:  Which major spiral galaxy is the closest to the Milky Way?

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Q.  9:  What is an ‘ECG’ used to show and in this context what do the letters ‘E-C-G’ stand for? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 10:  Which alkane, chemical formula ‘CH4’, occurs naturally in oil wells, marshes and cow farts?

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Q. 11:  This Irish-born soldier and diplomat, was also one of the first graduates from Harvard, and had one of London’s most famous streets named after him, what was his name?

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Q. 12:  How high is the top of a badminton net above the court?

            a) 3 feet            b) 4 feet            c) 5 feet            d) 6 feet

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Q. 13:  Which lead character was the budding author in the ‘The Waltons’ ? (And a bonus point for each of the actors who played this character.)

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Q. 14:  What is the correct title for someone who shoes horses?

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Q. 15:  Who was a searcher, a quiet man and a shootist amongst other things?

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Q. 16:  Which garden is considered to be among the ‘Seven Wonders of the Ancient World’ ?

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Q. 17:  What is another word for ‘lexicon’ ?

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Q. 18:  What American outlaw had a brother called Frank and was killed by a member of his own gang. (Bonus points if you correctly name each of the following, the gang and the man who killed him.)

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Q. 19:  Where would you find the abbreviation for the Japanese manufacturing company Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikikaisha?

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Q. 20:  Which movie actor was the most decorated American soldier in World War Two?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What is known as ‘The Eternal City’ ?

A.  1:  Rome.

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Q.  2:  In which sport is the ‘Vince Lombardi Trophy’ awarded?

A.  2:  American Football.

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Q.  3:  What acid accumulates in the muscles once the anaerobic threshold is passed when doing exercise?

A.  3:  Lactic Acid.

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Q.  4:  Who surrendered to whom, where and when to formally mark the end of the American Civil War? (A point for each correct answer, so a maximum of four points available.)

A.  4:  General Robert E. Lee surrendered of his Confederate Army to Union Army  Lt. Gen. Ulysses S. Grant, at the Appomattox Court House, Virginia on April 9, 1865.

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Q.  5:  In which country are the ‘Angel Falls’, the world’s highest waterfall?

A.  5:  Venezuela.

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Q.  6:  Who was the ‘sea green incorruptible’ who lead the reign of Terror in the French Revolution?

A.  6:  Maximilien Robespierre. (You get the point for correctly giving the surname only.)

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Q.  7:  What was the name of the first spacecraft was the first to reach the Moon’s immediate orbit, and the first to be placed in heliocentric orbit?

A.  7:  It was the Soviet ‘Luna 1’.

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Q.  8:  Which major spiral galaxy is the closest to the Milky Way?

A.  8:  The Andromeda galaxy.

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Q.  9:  What is an ‘ECG’ used to show and in this context what do the letters ‘E-C-G’ stand for? (A point for each correct answer.)

A.  9:  The ECG shows heart activity and rhythm and it stands for electrocardiogram.

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Q. 10:  Which alkane, chemical formula ‘CH4’, occurs naturally in oil wells, marshes and cow farts?

A. 10:  Methane.

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Q. 11:  This Irish-born soldier and diplomat, was also one of the first graduates from Harvard, and had one of London’s most famous streets named after him, what was his name?

A. 11:  His name was Sir George Downing, and Downing Street, the official residence of the British Prime Minister is named after him. (And, yes, you get the point if you just said ‘Downing’.)

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Q. 12:  How high is the top of a badminton net above the court?

            a) 3 feet            b) 4 feet            c) 5 feet            d) 6 feet

A. 12:  The correct answer is c) 5 feet.

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Q. 13:  Which lead character was the budding author in the ‘The Waltons’ ? (And a bonus point for each of the actors who played this character.)

A. 13:  Officially ‘John “John-Boy” Walton Jr.’ but you get the point for just ‘John-Boy’. He was played by Richard Thomas in the pilot and series seasons 1–5, as well as guest appearances in season 6 and in the three movie sequels; Robert Wightman played ‘John-Boy’ in seasons 8–9 and one movie sequel.

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Q. 14:  What is the correct title for someone who shoes horses?

A. 14:  A farrier.

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Q. 15:  Who was a searcher, a quiet man and a shootist amongst other things?

A. 15:  John Wayne.

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Q. 16:  Which garden is considered to be among the ‘Seven Wonders of the Ancient World’ ?

A. 16:  The Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

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Q. 17:  What is another word for ‘lexicon’ ?

A. 17:  Dictionary.

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Q. 18:  What American outlaw had a brother called Frank and  was killed by a member of his own gang. (A bonus point if you correctly name each of the following, the gang and the man who killed him.)

A. 18:  His name was Jesse James, and for your bonus points the gang was the ‘James-Younger Gang’ and the member who killed him was ‘Robert Ford’, who hoped to collect a reward on James’ head.

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Q. 19:  Where would you find the abbreviation for the Japanese manufacturing company Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikikaisha?

A. 19:  The abbreviation is obviously YKK and it can be found on almost every zipper in the world. Take a look at your zippers if you don’t believe me.

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Q. 20:  Which movie actor was the most decorated American soldier in World War Two?

A. 20:  Audie Murphy.  (For the record some of his decorations were the Bronze Star with “V” Device and Bronze Oak Leaf Cluster, Distinguished Service Cross, Presidential Unit Citation and Bronze Oak Leaf Cluster, Purple Heart and Bronze and 2 Oak Leaf Clusters, Silver Star and Bronze Oak Leaf Cluster, Medal of Honor, Legion of Merit, American Campaign Medal, European–African–Middle Eastern Campaign Medal, World War II Victory Medal, Army of Occupation Medal, French Legion of Honor – Grade of Chevalier, French Croix de guerre with Silver Star, French Croix de guerre with Palm, French Liberation Medal, French Fourragère in Colors of the Croix de guerre, Belgian Croix de guerre with 1940 Palm.)

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It’s March 17th So Some Facts About Saint Patrick Today.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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march 17 st patrick's day

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Happy Saint Patrick’s Day to one and all who celebrate these things.

Grab a glass of your green beer and find out a few facts about St. Patrick that you may find interesting and a little surprising.

Enjoy.

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donald duck st patrick's day

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Let’s start with this fact,

Saint Patrick wasn’t Irish

and he wasn’t born in Ireland.

Although he is remembered for introducing

Christianity to Ireland in the year 432, Patrick was

born to Roman parents in Scotland or Wales in

the late fourth century (about 385 AD)

so actually he’s British!

 

British Order of St Patrick
British Order of St Patrick

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And while we are doing a bit of myth-busting,

you might as well also know that the

Shamrock is not the symbol of Ireland.

It is a popular Irish symbol,

but the symbol of Ireland is the Harp.

As early as the medieval period, the harp appeared

on Irish gravestones and manuscripts and was

popular in Irish legend and culture well before that.

King Henry VIII used the harp on coins as early as 1534.

Later, it was used on Irish flags and Irish coats of arms.

Starting in 1642 the harp also appeared on flags

during rebellions against English rule and when

Ireland became an independent country in 1921,

it adopted the harp as the national symbol.

Harp national symbol of Ireland
The Harp is the national symbol of Ireland.

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Although today many people claim that

the shamrock represents faith, hope, and love,

or any number of other things,

it was actually used by Patrick to teach

the mystery of the Holy Trinity,

and how three things,

the Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit

could be separate entities, yet one in the same.

Obviously, the pagan rulers of Ireland found

Patrick to be convincing because they

quickly converted to Christianity.

 Holy-Trinity-Shamrock

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Patrick’s first introduction to the Irish was not a pleasant one.

At the age of 16, he had the misfortune of

being kidnapped by Irish raiders who took him away

and sold him as a slave.

He spent several years in Ireland herding sheep

and learning about the people there.

At the age of 22, he managed to escape and

made his way to a monastery in England where

he spent 12 years growing closer to God.

 (St) Patrick being given the opportunity to leave Ireland where he had been held as a slave

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The original color associated with St. Patrick is blue,

not green as commonly believed.

In several artworks depicting the saint,

he is shown wearing blue vestments.

King Henry VIII used the Irish harp in gold

on a blue flag to represent the country.

Since that time, and possibly before,

blue has been a popular color to represent

the country on flags, coats-of-arms,

and even sports jerseys.

Ireland’s association with the color green

came later, presumably because of the greenness

of the countryside, caused by endless rainfall.

Today, the country is also referred to as the “Emerald Isle.”

 saint patrick color blue

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The St. Patrick‘s Day parade was invented

in the United States, not Ireland.

On March 17, 1762, Irish soldiers serving in the British army

marched through New York City, the parade and accompanying

music helping the soldiers celebrate their Irish roots,

as well as reconnect with fellow Irishmen

serving in the British army.

In 1848, several New York Irish Aid societies united

their parades to form one official New York City

St. Patrick’s Day Parade which has become one of the

largest St Patrick’s parades with about 200,000

participants and 3 million onlookers.

It is also the oldest civilian parade in the United States.

Only the City of Boston rivals it.

 st patrick's day parade new york city

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By contrast, the world’s shortest St. Patrick’s Day

parade is in Dripsey, Cork, where the

parade lasts just 100 yards and

travels between the village’s two pubs.

 St. Patrick’s Day parade Dripsey Cork

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And only the Irish know why this parade goes from

one pub to the other because until 1970 St. Patrick’s

was what was known as a dry holiday in Ireland,

meaning that all pubs were shut down for the day.

The law was overturned in 1970, when St. Patrick’s

was reclassified as a national holiday

– cheers to that!

 green-beer

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In the United States during the mid 19th century,

the Roman Catholic Irish faced discrimination

much like that faced by African Americans.

Unlike the Protestant Irish who quickly assimilated

into their new country and became Americans,

(their descendants now number many millions in the USA),

the Roman Catholic Irish clung to their religion and culture

and were perceived as a potentially disloyal.

To combat this, they began to organize themselves politically

and by the end of the 19th century, St. Patrick’s Day was

a large holiday for the Roman Catholic Irish and an occasion

for them to demonstrate their collective political and social might.

In more recent times the political emphasis has faded along with

the discrimination, and the holiday has now become popular as an

opportunity for festivity regardless of one’s cultural background.

 St. Patrick’s Day parade new york roman catholic irish

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The New York and Boston St. Patrick’s Day celebrations

may well be impressive in their own right,

but they have a rival.

St Patrick’s Day has twice been celebrated in space.

In 2011, the International Space Station hosted

a St. Paddy’s Day celebration with Irish-American

astronaut Catherine Coleman playing a hundred-year-old flute

and a tin whistle belonging to members

of the Irish group, the Chieftains,

while floating weightlessly in space.

Coleman’s performance was included in a track entitled

”The Chieftains In Orbit” on the group’s album, ‘Voice of Ages’.

And in 2013, astronaut, Chris Hadfield, celebrated

St Patrick’s Day by photographing Ireland from

space while singing Danny Boy.

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February Facts Finish Today.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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February facts finish here, but not to worry, all being well there will be more next month.

Meantime have a look at this selection.

I hope you find something interesting.

Enjoy.

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did you know5

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Approximately seven hundred

tweets per minute contain a YouTube link.

twitter logo

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The most beer-drinking country in

the world is the Czech Republic.

With an incredible per capita beer consumption

of almost 40 gallons a year, the Czechs are way out

in front in the beer drinking world league table,

leaving the Irish, Germans, Americans and

other “beer nations” far behind.

most beer-drinking country in the world is the Czech Republic

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None of the soldiers wore metal helmets in 1914.

The French were the first to introduce them in 1915.

Future prime minister Winston Churchill wore a

French one during his time on the front in 1916.

WWI soldiers 1914

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The first known pyramid architect was Imhotep,

an Ancient Egyptian polymath, engineer and

physician who is considered to be the designer of

the first major pyramid – the Pyramid of Djoser.

Imhotep statue

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In 1783, then Yale University president Ezra Stiles

predicted that the population of the United States

would reach 300 million in the next two hundred years.

He based his prediction on his analysis of the

population growth in Europe.

Apparently, just a little over 200 years later,

the population of the country actually hit 300 million.

Ezra Stiles portrait

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Sean Connery,

the first and arguably the best James Bond,

began balding when he was only 21-years-old,

therefore in al his appearances as ‘Bond’

he is wearing a toupee.

Sean Connery as James Bond

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The phrase, “Bite the bullet”,

meaning to endure something painful,

was first recorded in Rudyard Kipling’s 1891 novel

‘The Light that Failed’ describing the barbaric era

before anesthetics were used in medical procedures.

Injured soldiers had to bite on a bullet to help them

endure the pain of an operation or amputation,

an action that usually also resulted in a few broken teeth

aside from the other pain.

Bite the bullet

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A normal heart valve is about

the size of a half dollar

size of a half dollar

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Payne Stewart was a prolific golfer

and a three-time major championship winner

who was extremely popular with spectators

for his exciting style of play and fancy clothes.

Sadly, in 1999 his career was cut short by an

airplane accident that cost him his life a few

months after his latest triumph in the U.S. Open.

Payne Stewart

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The Laser is an innovation made possible

by Quantum mechanics.

It was once thought to have no practical use,

however, innovation and development has

enabled laser technology to be applied to different

inventions from the CD player to

missile-destroying defense systems.

The Laser

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In  Port Lincoln, Australia, each January

they hold the ‘Tunarama Festival’ which is a

competition to see how far someone can

throw a frozen tuna.

Fortunately, the 2007 festival was the last one

in which real tunas were used for the throws

(because of their drastically dwindling populations).

Since then artificially made fake tunas have been used.

Tunarama Festival

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From 1850 to 1942, marijuana was

considered a useful medicine for

nausea, rheumatism, and labor pains

and was easily obtained at local general stores

or pharmacies throughout the U.S.

marijuana used to be for sale in pharmacies

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In Formula 1 motor racing,

there is no longer a car with the number 13.

The number has been removed after two drivers

were killed in crashes — both driving cars numbered 13.

Formula 1 no car with the number 13 now

.

.

Yuri Gagarin, the first human in space,

was also a victim of a training jet crash.

He died on March 27, 1968,

along with his flight instructor Vladimir Seryogin,

when their MiG-15UTI plane crashed.

There has always been a lot of speculation and

conspiracy surrounds their deaths.

For example, documents declassified in April 2011

include a 1968’s commission conclusion that they

had to maneuver sharply to avoid a weather balloon,

whereas a KGB report concluded the aircraft

entered a spin. from which it subsequently could

not recover. to avoid a bird strike or another aircraft.

Yuri Gagarin funeral

.

.

Alan Thicke,

the father in the TV show Growing Pains

wrote the theme songs for

The Facts of Life

and

Diff’rent Strokes.

.

.

==================================

.

Sometimes I Forget How Amazing My Memory Is.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Hi everyone. Its 2015 so a Very Happy New Year to one and all.

And to get this new year off to a good start here is a bit of word play for you.

Yes, it’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

.

Drums with no skins.

You can’t beat them.

Drums with no skins

.

.

Just to clear things up,

I use a brush

brush

.

.

Want to hear a construction joke?

I’m building up to it.

simponsconstruct

.

.

My leg won’t stop mooing.

I think I’ve got a calf injury.

mooing

.

.

I’d find some affordable glasses,

in an eye deal world.

affordable glasses

.

.

I had a fight with some

furniture the other day.

Nobody won though,

it was a drawer.

drawer

.

.

A Spanish magician tells the audience

he will disappear on the count of three.

He says, “Uno, dos…..”

*POOF*

….he disappeared without a tres.

jorge-blass

.

.

I was in good position to win the

International shoelace-tying

championships yesterday ,

But I buckled under the pressure.

shoelace-tying

.

.

I just realized that I haven’t done

the hokey pokey in over 10 years.

I guess when you get older,

you just forget what it’s all about.

hokey pokey

.

.

I hated my job as an escapologist.

I couldn’t get out of it quick enough.

escapologist

.

.

An Irish ‘Star Trek’ fan has been

assassinated by the Mafia.

He was capped in Cork.

Cork, Ireland

.

.

Whenever I see a broken elevator

I stair.

broken elevator

.

.

My family regard my cousin

as a skeleton in the closet.

He’s a gay anorexic.

skeleton in the closet

.

.

I’ve come to the belief that ‘crazy’

is a relative term with my family.

crazy

.

.

Where does a Jamaican composer live?

In D flat.

.

.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

.

 

 

Pun Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Yet another selection of those jokes you love to hate.

I wouldn’t guarantee the politically correctness of some of them, but enjoy them if you can!

.

.

How do Welsh people cross the road?

Caerphilly!

Caerphilly

.

.

Are dwarfs the lowest form of human life?

cartoon dwarf

.

.

What are the rules of gay poker?

Queens are wild and straights don’t count.

cards_bicycle_poker_decK

.

.

I had a mate who was suicidal.

He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits.

cartoon_train

.

.

A little old lady takes her dead cats to a taxidermist to be stuffed.

“Would you like them mounted?” asked the taxidermist.

“Oooo no….” says the lady, “just snuggled up next to each other.”

stuffed cats

.

.

A woman in the pharmacy sees a deal offering 5 boxes of tampons for a dollar.

She can’t believe how good the deal is and asks the manager, “Is that price correct?”

“Sure is,” says the manager, “It’s a special offer, 5 boxes for a dollar and there are no strings attached!”

tampon choc

.

.

Did you hear about the gay carpenter?

He always left a saw behind!

carpenter_cartoon

.

.

A psychotic rapist escaped recently from a mental institution for the criminally insane. He ran across the street to the laundromat hoping to find a change of clothes. Inside, he discovered two women, and forced them to have sex. Then he fled out the back door.

The next day the local newspaper headline read, “NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS!”

cartoon crazy dude

.

.

Irish bloke walks into a pub and says, “Drink of orange please landlord.”

The landlord asks, “Still orange?”

Irish fella replies, “Yes, I haven’t changed my mind.”

irishman bar

.

.

Two blondes walk into a building…

Wow, you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.

Two_Blondes_by_sincity2

.

.

What do you call a bloke with a one inch penis?

Justin.

small-penis

.

.

After announcing he’s getting married, a Scotsman tells his pal he’ll be wearing a kilt.

‘And what’s the tartan?’ asks the mate.

‘Oh, she’ll be wearing a white dress.’ he replies.

cartoon-scotsman-with-a-kilt

.

.

Two parrots on a perch.

One turns to the other and says, “Can you smell fish?”

two-parrots

.

.

What qualifications do you need to be a road sweeper?

None.

You just pick it up as you go along!

road_sweeper

.

.

Good King Wenseslas called his local pizza parlour.

“Would you like your usual, sir?”

“Oh yes,” he replied. “Deep pan: crisp and even.”

good-king-wenceslas-omar-rayyan

.

.

A customer is ordering food in an Indian restaurant.

“Waiter, what’s this Chicken Tarka?”

The waiter replies, “it’s the same as Chicken Tikka, but it’s a little ‘Otter.”

cartoon-otter

.

==============================

.