Plant Puns: Weed ‘Em And Reap!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Not really a day of plant puns, but it is Pun Day, so you might want to weep anyway.

You know the drill (little gardening pun there).

Enjoy or endure!

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Teacher: If you were a great composer,

where would you live?

Boy: In A Flat.

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I missed today’s Hairdressing Championships,

can anyone tell me if there were any highlights?

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The World Health Organization has

just announced its new slogan.

“WHO cares”.

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My teacher said I was average,

I told him that’s just mean.

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I used to be a gold prospector,

but it didn’t pan out.

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I’ve written my own political manifesto

but I haven’t used one single upper-case letter.

I’m not a capitalist.

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Men with gender issues have it tough in the UK,

I’m sure they’d love to be a broad.

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I wrote some new hymns for the congregation

to sing at my local church and the

Vicar says everybody loves them.

They can’t stop singing my praises.

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I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub.

He seemed like a decent feller.

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If you want to be a coroner be

prepared for a stiff examination.

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My friend is a real Don Juan with the ladies.

The ladies Don Juan anything to do with him.

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When I was in the army I reckoned all

officers higher up that Colonels are assholes.

But I hate when people Generalize.

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I’ve never seen a flamenco dancer,

but those Spaniards must be clever

to train a bird of that size.

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My wife is trying to wind me up

with jibes about my impotence.

I’m not rising to that.

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I didn’t want to go to the

“I Love The 80s” fancy dress party,

but my friend was adamant.

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Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What would Thursdays be without a few puns?

Well, yes, okay it would still be Thursday, but a lot less enjoyable.

So what are you waiting for?

I’m sure you are already salivating at the prospect.

Enjoy!

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My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep.

I knew I was destined for osteology.

I could feel it in my bones.

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There’s been a break in at a local puzzle factory.

Authorities are still trying to piece things together.

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The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

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The hardest time in a man’s life

is between puberty and impotence.

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I used to think I was trapped in a woman’s body…

Then I was born.

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Never hit a man with glasses.

Hit him with a baseball bat.

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I did some DIY with my step-ladder the other night.

I never really got along with my real ladder.

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My Uncle had his tongue shot off during World War II.

He doesn’t talk about it, though.

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Some people like Pachyderms.

But I find them irrelephant

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My wife left me because of my obsession with sporting puns.

its a shame really because i wanted to discus it.

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I went to the dentist the other day and he told me that he was sick of hearing puns about his job.

So I told him ‘I had a filling you were going to say that’

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I would prefer it if there were Fuhrer puns about the Nazis, thanks very much.

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Did you hear about the transvestite blues singer?

He woke up one morning and he had the blouse.

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I hate when people try to use the word infinity just to be clever.

It annoys me to no end.

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