It Never Rains But It Pours – Chicken Maryland Anyone?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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I did a short series a few months back about some of the stupid laws stupid politicians had made. They were quite funny and most of them dated back many years, they just hadn’t been taken off the statute books.

That excused the old laws, maybe.

But they are still at it even today!

I know that you shouldn’t expect too much when a group of uninformed and irresponsible people go out and vote to elect a smaller group of uninformed and irresponsible politicians, while most people stay at home. But we call that democracy these days. And in what passes for normal times you can get away with it.

economic-crisis

But these are not normal times we are living in. America, and most of the western world, is in desperate trouble economically. We need help from our politicians.

Help to stimulate economic growth; help to make it easier to do business in and from the US; help to protect us from cheap inferior crap being imported that has destroyed local jobs and industries; help for entrepreneurs to establish new wealth generating businesses; and help from the socialist bureaucratic nightmare that is completely out of hand.

As regard the stupid laws, these days most of them center around ways that bankrupt governments, whether national or local, can think up to extract more and more from the people who elected them.

internet-tax-increase

Currently US bureaucrats are frantically trying to think up another way to tax the internet. Previous attempts failed because of public outcry, but sooner or later they will do it and who will it help? Everybody who isn’t in business in America and the EU probably, because it won’t apply anywhere else!

The mantra of these idiot bureaucrats is to make America more productive and prosperous by making America less competitive and poorer. It sits nicely with their other mantra of solving economic woes by extracting more and more tax from less and less income. Neither works and never will.

Maryland Welcome

What prompted this rant? 

Well only the unbelievable fact that the idiot politicians in Maryland have decided to tax rain.

What????

Tax what????

Yes, you read it right, the idiot politicians in Maryland have decided to tax rain.

They call it by a fancy name, of course, the “Impervious Surfaces tax”, or ”storm water management fee”, but what it in effect does is to charge Maryland residents for rainwater that falls on their property.

rain tax

Naturally, the bureaucrats are dressing up this latest money grab with the lie that it is for the benefit of the people. It’s bit like a pick pocket excusing his theft by saying he was relieving you of the burden of carrying your wallet around in your coat pocket. And it makes just as much sense!

Thankfully, however, there seems to be a few with a working brain left in local government. Anne Arundel County Executive Laura Neuman, for example, vetoed the tax proposal which unfortunately won’t kill it, but will give a little bit of breathing space.

But if the residents of Maryland are “chicken” enough to fall in line with this new tax – and so far it seems most of them have been dumb enough not to even notice it at all – then it won’t be the end of it.

martin-omalley

Democratic Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley, who guided the passage of the storm water tax earlier this month, despite efforts from Republicans to dismantle the bill, has already been responsible for implementing 37 other taxes and fees since taking office — at a cost to residents estimated at somewhere in the region of $3.1 billion annually.

Does anyone really think an idiot like this is going to let the people have air and sunshine for free???

 tax tax and more tax

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Questions That Should Never Have Been Asked

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I have been featuring a lot of questions that no one asked but that needed asking.

Stupid people, however, tend to get worried about things that don’t matter and ask questions that don’t need to be asked. They are obviously important to them, but not to anyone else.

Here are some stupid questions asked by stupid people about stupid things.

Do yourself a favor and just read these and (hopefully) have a laugh. Do not try to figure out why they were asked or what they mean. If you get too far inside the mind of a moron you may never make it back out again!

Enjoy!

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Does anyone know the brand of soap Deer don’t like that I can put around my garden to keep them out?

cartoon-soap

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What mother sauce does Alfredo come from?

Alfredo Sauce

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Is there any relation between cool music and rain?

music-pop-rain-taylor-swift

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What is the opposite of science?

scientists chalk cheese

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What are the three essential parts of a crisis?

3 essential parts of a crisis

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If someone you loved turned into a zombie, would you be able to put them out of their misery?

cartoon_zombie_by_M1st3RSin1STeR

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What determines the life span of animals?

lifespan

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Which kind of cheating is the worst?

monica and bill

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Why are so many more people allergic to cats than to dogs?

sneezing-cartoon1

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Would you eat steak made from human excrement?

steak-cartoon

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How long does a mature worm live?

cartoon worm

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Expect The Worst, It’s Quiz Show Answers Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another foray into the hidden shallows of the human mind as shown by the answers some hapless contestants have given on television and radio quiz shows.

Marvel at the stupidity.

And enjoy!

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Q: Name something you might buy that could turn out to be phony        

A: A Horse

panto horse

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Q: Name something that dries up as it gets old  

A: Water

dry water.

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Q: The one thing that the people living near you have that you want        

A: A beautiful wife

neighborhood watch.

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Q: Name something most women wouldn’t be caught leaving the house without  

A: A Tampon

tampons-cartoon.

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Q: Name a body part that gets bigger as people get older         

A: Penis

BeavisButtheadWashington.

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Q: Name a foreign country people vacation in where it would be easy to pack on 10 pounds.      

A: Paris

french fries.

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Q: Which one of the seven dwarfs you most often feel like        

A: Weepy

A: Drowsy

A: Grouchy

The Seven Dwarfs.

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Q: Name a question you hate when people ask it to you 

A: “Are those real?”

Are Those Real?.

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Q: The hardest position to play on a baseball team        

A: Quarterback

baseball-face-cartoon-ball.

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Q: Name a city in the state of Georgia   

A: Alabama

georgia_alabama.

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Q: An excuse you use when stopped for speeding        

A: “I was drinking”

speeding.

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Q: Name something newlyweds share    

A: Underwear    

his n hers underwear.

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Q: Name something you would buy in a stationery store 

A: Water

stationery store1111

Q: Name a question that a gentleman would never ask a lady on a first date       

A: “What color underwear do you wear?”

first date.

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Q: Name a fruit beginning with the letter A         

A: Orange

cartoon-orange.

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I Miss Him Two!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Before we look forward to a new year it is always nice to look back to the past. In this case some more of the past statements of President George W Bush.

I don’t think he requires any more introduction than that. I’ll just let him speak for himself.

Enjoy.

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Caricature of President George W Bush

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“I think war is a dangerous place.”  – Washington, D.C., May 7, 2003

“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?” – Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

“Will the highways on the Internet become more few?” – Concord, N.H., Jan. 29, 2000

“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” – LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

“If affirmative action means what I just described, what I’m for, then I’m for it.” – Third presidential debate. St. Louis, Mo., October 17, 2000

“It’s your money. You paid for it.” – LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

“That’s a chapter, the last chapter of the 20th, 20th, the 21st century that most of us would rather forget. The last chapter of the 20th century. This is the first chapter of the 21st century.” – On the Lewinsky scandal, Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000

“I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can’t answer your question.” – In response to a question about whether he wished he could take back any of his answers in the first debate. Reynoldsburg, Ohio, Oct. 4, 2000

“I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” – Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

“One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected.” – Los Angeles, Sept. 27, 2000

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“It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas.” – Beaverton, Ore., Sep. 25, 2000

 “I think we agree, the past is over.” – On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000

 “It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.” – Reuters, May 5, 2000

“What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize society. So I don’t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that’s my position.”  – Quoted by Molly Ivins, the San Francisco Chronicle, Jan. 21, 2000

“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” – Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

“Keep good relations with the Grecians.”  – Quoted in the Economist, June 12, 1999

President George W Bush exit cartoon

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The best of Bushisms

 

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They’re At It Again, Confounding All The Laws Of The Intellect – Yes, It’s More Quiz Show Answers!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The title of this post says ‘confounding all the laws of the intellect’, and I don’t think that is any exaggeration. These people take questions, often simple questions, run it through what passes for their mind and then out of their mouths come answers that are so far away from correct it is sometimes quite staggering.

Anyhow, enough from me.

Here is the latest selection.

Enjoy.

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Q:  What country does the spiritual leader the Dalai Lama come from 

A:  Scotland.

Q:  What is the currency in India?

A:  Ramadan.

Q:  Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea:

a) Irish Sea,

b) English Channel,

c) North Sea?

A:  Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It’s on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.

Q:  Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?

A:  Four.

Q:  Which ‘S’ is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes? 

A:  Ummm .. .

Q:  It begins with ‘S’ and rhymes with ‘perm’.

A:  Shark.

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Q:  Which literary hunchback lived in Notre Dame and fell in love with Esmeralda 

A:  Nostradamus.

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Q:  What is the capital of Italy 

A: France.

Q:  France is another country. Try again. 

A: Oh, um, Benidorm. 

Q:  Wrong, sorry.

 

Let’s try another question 

Q:  In which country is the Parthenon 

A: Sorry, I don’t know.  

Q:  Just guess a country. 

A: Paris.

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Q:  What’s 11 squared?

A: I don’t know.

Q:  I’ll give you a clue. It’s two ones with a two in the middle.

A: Is it five?

 

Q:  What religion was Guy Fawkes?

A: Jewish. 

Q:  That’s close enough.

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Q:  What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?.

A: Magna Carta?

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Q:  What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible?

A:  Er…

Q:  It’s got two sylla-bles… Kor…

A:  Blimey?

Q: Ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run…

A:  Silence

Q: Okay, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I…

A:  Walked?

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Q:  What name is given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

A:  Nostalgia.

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Q:  In which European country is Mount Etna?

A:  Japan.

Q:  I did say European country… I can let you try again.

A:  Er… Mexico?

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Q:  How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

A:  (long pause) 14 days.

Q:  In which country would you spend shekels?

A:  Holland? 

Q:  Try the next letter of the alphabet.

A:  Iceland? Ireland?

Q:  It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel?

A:  No.

 

Q:  Where is Cambridge University?

A:  Geography isn’t my strong point

Q:  There’s a clue in the title 

A:  Leicester?

 

Q:  Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

A:  Barcelona 

Q:  I was really after the name of a country

A:  I’m sorry, I don’t know the name of any countries in Spain

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Q:  Where did the D-Day landings take place?

A:  (after pause): Pearl Harbor?

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Q:  What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

A:  I don’t know, I wasn’t watching it then

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The cast of hit tv series Dallas
The cast of hit television series Dallas

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Five!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to part five of the Classified Ads that meant well but didn’t quite deliver what they promised.

Thankfully however they did deliver on comedy value.

Enjoy.

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classified ad 53

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classified ad 57.

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Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make What? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws, Part Three

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have the third of my three-part series highlighting some of the stupid laws that have been made by the stupid politicians and bureaucrats that we have allowed into positions of power.

So here are some more of the lesser known laws that govern the good citizens in the United States (listed by state alphabetically, part 1 covered A to L, part 2 covered the M’s and N’s, this week it’s O to W.).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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OHIO

  • Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. (I hope that’s no reflection on them.)
  • It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. (And immoral any other day.)
  • It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (Would Sir like some water with that?)
  • The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car. (But I want to ‘beep’.)
  • If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. (That’s greeeaaaatttttt!)

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OKLAHOMA

  • It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo. (And the real thing is okay???)
  • Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
  • It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots. (That reminds me of a joke about…… no, better not.)
  • People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (What happens if you just have a ugly face to begin with?)
  • Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
  • Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. (Well, blow me, that’s expensive!)
  • It is illegal to conceal the birth of a child that would be a bastard. (But you never know how they are going to turn out until they get a bit older???)

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OREGON

  • Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car. (That’s okay, you need both hands to hang on to the car anyhow.)
  • It is illegal to whisper “dirty” things in your lover’s ear during sex. (So where do you whisper them?)
  • Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. (Ridiculous!)
  • It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property. (To pot with that!!)
  • You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street. (Well, maybe YOU can’t, but….)
  • Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license. (And quite difficult even with one.)
  • It is a crime to publicly scrape clean a skeleton in a cemetery. (And let’s make no bones about it.)

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PENNSYLVANIA

  • It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (This is another one of those ‘how many people were doing this that a law was needed against it’ kind of things.)
  • Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
  • A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (Ya hear that one ladies?)
  • In Harrisburg it is against the law to wear lead nipple shields. (I bet Superman goes there – a lot!)
  • You may not sing in the bathtub.
  • You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. (I don’t think I could catch a fish with my mouth.)

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RHODE ISLAND

  • No one may bite off another’s leg. (Ears, noses, arms, etc., are okay?)
  • Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. (I’m saying nothing.)
  • One must make a loud noise before passing a car on the left. (Can do!)
  • The penalty for biting off another’s limb is twenty years in jail, but only if it was intentional. (Whoops, sorry, there’s your leg back. I didn’t mean it.)
  • It is illegal to wear transparent clothing. (Clearly!)
  • You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

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SOUTH CAROLINA

  • It is considered an offense to get a tattoo. (I just consider it stupid.)
  • Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. (I guess there’s no room, what with all the donkeys in there.)
  • It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
  • It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. (You mean if you are attempting suicide or you can’t kill the person who is attempting suicide?)

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SOUTH DAKOTA

  • It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. (But is there a law about cutting the cheese?)
  • If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.
  • In Huron it is an offence to cause static. (Shocking law that one.)
  • Otherwise illegal explosives can be set off in sunflower fields.

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TENNESSEE

  • It is a crime to share your Netflix password in Tennessee. (Is it okay in English?)
  • It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (And very difficult.)
  • “Crimes against nature” are prohibited.
  • Skunks may not be carried into the state. (Yeah, let the little stinkers walk.)

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TEXAS

  • It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (What sort of a guy ‘sips’ beer? Come on!)
  • Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.
  • It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. (Is that a double entendre?)
  • The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
  • In Dallas it is illegal to possess realistic dildos.

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UTAH

  • It is illegal not to drink milk.
  • It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
  • Birds have the right of way on all highways.
  • In Salt Lake County an official milkman is limited to casual contact with his customers. (What’s all this about milk in Utah?)
  • A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
  • No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call. (So turn the sirens off??)
  • It is illegal to cause a catastrophe. (So are these laws not breaking this law?)

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VERMONT

  • Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. (By gum!)
  • At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
  • All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.

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VIRGINIA

  • Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary. (Just how did the people who thought this one up think that they were going to enforce it?)
  • It is illegal to tickle women. (You just said that, see above!)
  • A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. (How long for a good slap?)
  • Women must wear a corsette after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.

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WASHINGTON

  • The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment. (Do tell how exactly do you harass an ‘undiscovered’ species? Wouldn’t you have to discover it first, and once discovered it is no longer ‘undiscovered’ and therefore can be harassed?)
  • All lollipops are banned. (This law really sucks.)
  • People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
  • In Washington it is a misdemeanor to sell poison without a license.
  • In Seattle possessing an electro-magnetic wave generator is a crime.
  • It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich. (Can you pretend that they are poor?)
  • You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. (And where would you be able to conceal it anyway?)

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WEST VIRGINIA

  • It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (And I would imagine dangerous if it does!)
  • It is illegal to snooze on a train.
  • One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.
  • Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.

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WISCONSIN

  • Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to be hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter.
  • At one time, margarine was illegal.
  • It is illegal to kiss on a train.
  • It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair. (People from Brazil please take special note.)
  • The government may not prohibit manual flushed urinals. (That’s handy.)
  • Cheddar cheese must be “highly pleasing”.
  • Followers of the Ho-Chunk religion may hunt deer without a license.
  • It is illegal to produce baby Swiss cheese without well-developed eyes. (Otherwise how could you see what you were doing… Duh!!)

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WYOMING

  • If one is drunk in a mine, he or she could land in jail for up to a year. (Prospects aren’t good then?)
  • It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. (Iron or wooden?)
  • You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. (That really bugs me.)
  • It is illegal to charge for the use of a toilet. (No sh**!)

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It’s More Moronic Madness, Yes, It’s Quiz Show Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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So how many idiots got elected last week? Not all of them I hope, but I bet there are at least a few intellectually challenged newbees in the corridors of power in Washington. 

On the lighter side, some of those who didn’t make it in politics made it on to television and appeared in quiz shows.

The results are not that much different to some of the dumb things said in Congress (oh, oh, I feel another post forming in my head) so here is a selection to get the week started with a smile.

Enjoy!  

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Q: In craps, what are the numbers you will need to roll an ‘Easy 10’?        

A: What are 9 and 1?    

craps dice

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Q: Paul III roared at him, “I have waited 30 years for your services. Now, I’m pope. Can’t I satisfy my desire?”        

A: Who is Lady Godiva?

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Q: If a Japanese “isha” (doctor) asks you to stick out your “shita”, he means this.           

A: What is your behind?

proctologist cartoon

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Q: To get to Wallace, Idaho from Boston, get on I-90 West, and the first one of these you ‘hit’, you’re there.        

A: What is a buffalo?

Buffalo

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Q: 2 of the 3 countries classified as extending across two continents     

A: What are Africa and Europe? 

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Q: The original one of these on Massachusetts’ Little Brewster Island was built in 1716; automation didn’t come until 1998.           

A: What is Kebert Xela?

Kebert Xela 

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Q: [The language that this statement, meaning “I love you guys”, is in:] Yr Wyf I’n Dy Garu Di      

A: What is Klingon?

A:  What is Welsh?       

klingon

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Q: He is the only sitting Vice President since Martin Van Buren to be elected President   

A: Who is Al Gore?

Al Gore cartoon

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Q: This nursery rhyme was based on actual events at a 1900 schoolhouse.         

A: What is ‘There once was a man from Nantucket?’       

There once was a man from Nantucket

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Q: In 2002, an elaborate dinner party was held at No. 10 to celebrate this many years’ reign by Elizabeth II           

A: Who is Tony Blair?   

Tony Blair cartoon

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Q: The Timon puppet in “The Lion King” was inspired by Bunraku, the traditional puppet theatre of this country     

A: What is Africa?        

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Q: Of the 5 permanent members of the UN Security Council, the one that is smallest in size         

A: What is my apartment?         

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Q: George Bernard Shaw called this condition “the greatest of evils and the worst of crimes.”       

A: What is marriage?

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Q: Of Pastism, Presentism or Futurism, the literary movement that began around 1909    

A: What is Modernism?

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Q: According to the old saying, “I scream, you scream, we all scream for…” what?          

A: Jim Beam

Jim Beam

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Q: Franklin D. Roosevelt is found on the head side of what American coin?        

A: $50 Bill

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Q: “If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere.” What city does that describe?

A: Phoenix

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Q: What was the magical item that brought Frosty the Snowman to life? 

A: Corncob pipe

corn cob pipes 

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Q: What vehicle is used in the Tour de France race?       

A: SUVs

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Q: What eye ailment is the more common name for “myopia?”    

A: You think you’re right

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 A myopic video

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Smell My Finger! – It’s Quiz Show Answers Monday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I can’t believe how fast this year is going. Another Monday and half way through October. But no matter how much time we put in people don’t seem to be getting any smarter. I think this next selection of quiz show answers proves it yet again.

And it may help to explain the rather odd headline on this post too.

Enjoy!

 

 

Q: Name a talk show host you watch in the daytime        

A: Louie Anderson

 

 

Q: An electric appliance designed to be handheld           

A: Blender

 

 

Q: An animal with more than four legs   

A: Dog

A: Horse

 

 

Q: Name a famous woman who seems to intimidate other men   

A: Barbara Bush

 

 

Q: Name something that can damage a home    

A: A woman

 

 

Q: Name a food that comes in instant form       

A: Asparagus   

 

 

Q: Name something you ask people to smell     

A: Your finger   

 

 

Q: Name something that runs on a track

A: Speakers     

 

 

Q: An instrument used by a doctor        

A: Violin

 

 

Q: Name something in a candy bar, besides chocolate  

A: Candy

 

 

Q: The country with the most intriguing women   

A: Africa

 

 

Q: Name a bad habit that has serious consequences     

A: Picking your nose     

 

 

Q: Name a cartoon character with big ears         

A: Kermit the Frog

 

 

Q: Name something Scotch      

A: Water

 

 

Q: Name a famous Barbara       

A: Barbara Washington

 

 

Q: Name a city that jetsetters visit         

A: Florida

A: Norway

 

 

Q: Name a woman who’s had her breasts supersized     

A: Wonder Woman

 

 

Q: An age where a person would be happy to be carded at a bar

A: 18

 

 

Q: Name something people cheat on     

A: Chicago Bears

 

 

Q: Name something you might find in a manicure set     

A: A wig

 

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Another Tuesday And Another List Of Those Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

Another Tuesday and another list of questions so important that no one seems to want to ask them –  except here of course.

Enjoy.

. 

Where does the toe-tag go on a dead person if they don’t have toes?

toetag. 

If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

Gravity elevator
Gravity elevator

 

 .

Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says “Not available in all states”?

Allstate Insurance logo - "Not available in all States"
“Not available in all States”

 .

Do they bury people with their braces on?

braces
braces

 

 .

How far east can you go before you’re heading west?

compass .

Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?

dentist
dentist

 

 .

If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?

homerun .

Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

Bowler
Bowler

. 

 

Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot, and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

Angry driver 

.

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn’t the opposite of progress be congress?

No Progress Congress 

.

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it.

grapes .

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

hootersihop

 

.

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

disobedient child 

.

Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

sign-language 

.

If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

 transvestite cartoon

.

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

partly sunny? - or - partly cloudy?
partly sunny? – or – partly cloudy?

 .

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

bushy eyebrows

 .

If a baby’s leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn’t come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

stork cartoon .

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

The square bread - round meat conundrum
The square bread – round meat conundrum

 .

Why is the Lone Ranger called ‘Lone’ if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

Lone Ranger and Tonto
Lone Ranger and Tonto

 

 

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