Word Play? Bad Jokes? Whatever you call them they’re Still Pun To Me

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few more puns to make you laugh or groan.

Enjoy them if you can.

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The cannibal was so nervous he threw up his hands

cannibal

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He said I was average – but he was just being mean.

average mean pun

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I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

hurdles

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Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.    

noah

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The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner – there were strings attached.

old woman who lived in a shoe

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Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you. 

xray

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We never got the tent up because of all the missed stakes we had.

Camping-Cartoon

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The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.

wizard with a magic book of incantations

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I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.

trig cartoon

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Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

stork carrying baby

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We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

pay attention

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I once thought about cloning a new, more efficient brain, but then I realized that I was getting a head of myself.

cloning cartoon

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If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.        

alphabet soup

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Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can’t croak.         

cartoon frog

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The police arrested two kids yesterday, one for drinking battery acid and the other one for eating fireworks. They charged one but let the other one off.

battery firework pun

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

sleeping

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A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.          

sweeping

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And finally,

 

Did you know that Macy’s have a contractual obligation to hire an unemployed man every November and December to play Father Christmas? It’s known as the Santa clause.

santaclaus

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Punitive, Punishing, Or Just Punny? – Here Are Some More Puns

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

Another excuse for more bad jokes using the cover of some clever word plays called puns.

Enjoy – if you can.

 

 

You didn’t hear about the three big holes in the ground?

Well, well, well.

 

 

Even a backward poet writes inverse.

 

 

It was raining cats and dogs.

There were poodles all over the road.

 

 

When chemists die, we barium.

 

 

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He’s all right now.

 

 

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang,

but eventually it came back to me.

 

 

I used to have a fear of hurdles,

but I got over it.

 

 

It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle,

he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

 

 

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

 

 

Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards:

their feet smell and their noses run.

 

 

Then there was the cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.

 

 

When a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?

 

 

Have you heard about that online origami store?

It folded.

 

 

A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period.

It marks the end of his sentence.

 

 

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends,

but what would be the point?

 

 

Atheists can’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

 

 

It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

 

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