You Know What They Used To Say In The Middle Ages, “Resistance Is Feudal”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Happily we don’t live in the middle ages, so now resistance is futile.

If you haven’t guessed already….

It’s pun day!

Enjoy.

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rofl

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I’m in a band called Atom

We’ll never split.

Stylised_Lithium_Atom

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I’ve been drawing bar graphs, pie charts

and venn diagrams all over walls in town.

I’m a graphitti artist.

bar graphs, pie charts and venn diagrams

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We were going for a picnic today and my husband

asked me to get some ice and a cooler bag.

I thought, “That’s a bit harsh,

there’s nothing wrong with my current bag”.

cooler_bag_full

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Can someone give me a definition of homosexuality,

in lay-men’s terms?

gay_closet

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On the investment front I’m worried that my shares in a

major cordial company are going to be diluted.

raspberry-cordial

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Don’t trust people who avoid the sun.

They’re shady.

shady people

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Signing up to a mailing list has done nothing to

quell my addiction for German poetry.

I’m getting verse by the day.

German poetry

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According to a survey,

seven out of ten people use the double negative.

I ain’t never heard such nonsense in my life.

do not put nothing here

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The horse came galloping towards me,

the sun glistening off the rider’s armour, helmet and lance,

which I realised was aimed at my head.

Man, those knight-vision goggles are really awesome!

knight

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Running a bingo hall is more than just a job.

It’s a calling.

bingo-hall

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Whilst on holiday near lake Geneva

I purchased a large bottle of mineral water

I struggled to carry it though,

it was an evian.

evian bottle

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There are two i’s in narcissist

and they absolutely hate each other.

narcissism-and-preaching

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After a terrible Chinese meal last night, I refused to pay.

Unfortunately the chef heard what I said and pinned me up against the wall,

threatening me with a pan unless I paid up.

Talk about being stuck between a wok and a hard place.

AntCreationsChineseChef

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I saw a man with a bald patch earlier.

I thought, “He’s obviously trying to cut down, or quit being bald”.

bald-spot

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It appears that smoking heroin is

far better for addicts than injecting it,

needleless to say.

druggie cartoon

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A girl from Prague stopped me in town earlier and

asked where the best shop for clothes was.

I said “Check Republic.”

republic store

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What do you call a brittle Scotsman?

A Glasswegian.

Scotsman

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I hate it when people make jokes about Vietnam.

It Hanoi’s me.

Vietnam Map

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Jay-Z? A psychiatrist?

Must be Shrink Rap.

jay-z

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We spent a fortune on electrocution lessons for our son.

Until he learned to speak properly.

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Did You Know? – Another Random Fact Feast!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Random fact feast it is.

Another selection of hopefully interesting facts that you didn’t know you didn’t know.

Enjoy.

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did you know5

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In Raiders of the Lost Ark there is a

wall carving of R2-D2 and C-3P0 behind the ark

Raiders of the lost ark r2d2 3cpo

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Chinese Checkers is not Chinese.

It was created in America to circumvent the

patent for a popular boardgame called Halma,

invented by a Boston surgeon named George Howard Monks.

chinese-checkers-hexagonal

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In the 17th century,

the value of pi was known to 35 decimal places.

Today, to 1.2411 trillion.

pi

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Technically speaking, Alaska is the northernmost,

westernmost, and easternmost state of the United States.

Parts of the Aleutian Islands cross over the 180th meridian.

Aleutian_Islands_map

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The original story from “Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights” begins,

“Aladdin was a little Chinese boy.”

1001 Arabian Nights

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There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice;

it is rebuilt every year.

unique-ice-hotel-in-sweden-4

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In 1959, the USSR launched a craft called the Mechta towards the Moon.

It missed, and instead became (inadvertently) the first

man-made satellite to go into orbit around the Sun.

Mechta Lunar Orbiter that missed

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It has been calculated that in the last 3,500 years,

there have only been 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world.

war graves

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In the 1987 movie ‘Predator’, the character of the Predator

was originally set up for Jean-Claude Van Damme

to play a martial-arts fighting Predator.

However the producers realized much of the cast

were bodybuilders over 6 feet tall (and Van Damme was clearly smaller)

so they cast the enormous 7’ 21/2” Kevin Peter Hall

so that the Predator could realistically physically dominate

the film’s human characters.

Interestingly Hall also appears in the movie

as the helicopter pilot at the end.

kevin-peter-hall Predator

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Gatorade’s inventor later created an alcoholic variation,

Hop ’n Gator

— essentially, lemon lime Gatorade mixed with beer.

Hop ’n Gator

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At the Great Gettysburg Reunion of 1913,

two men purchased a hatchet,

walked to the site where their regiments had fought,

and buried it.

Great Gettysburg Reunion of 1913

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Though it’s rarely used,

the word referring to half a computer byte

is a “nibble.”

byte nibble

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Because of the angle at which its esophagus enters its stomach,

the horse is physically unable to vomit.

happy-cartoon-horse

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The reason why hair turns gray as we age

is because the pigment cells in the hair follicle start to die,

which is responsible for producing “melanin”

which gives the hair colour

George Clooney gray-hair

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Hydrogen gas is the least dense substance in the world,

at 0.08988g/cc

hydrogen-gas

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The purpose of gasoline rationing during the Second World War

was not to conserve gas, but to conserve TIRES.

The primary source for natural rubber at the time was Southeast Asia,

much of which was under Japanese control.

WWII gasoline rationing book

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The concept of Boxing Day, which is on December 26th,

was to give boxes of food and clothing to the poor.

It is now viewed in some countries as a time

to get merchandise from stores at reduced prices

Boxing Day bargains

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Jewelers Tiffany & Co., based in New York, are responsible

for making the Super Bowl trophy

Tiffany super bowl trophy

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The world’s most expensive cigarettes.

In 2009, Josh Muszynski used his Visa to buy cigarettes.

Due to a Visa “glitch,” he was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars.

To be exact: $23,148,855,308,184,500

credit card statement

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The popular hip-shaking dance, the merengue,

got its name from the whisking motion required to make meringue.

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Did They Really Mean To Say That? – Newspaper Headline Nightmares, Part Fifteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another super blooper bundle from the newspapers.

Something in here should rise a smile and provide an embarrassment or two for the editorial staff.

Enjoy.

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np_sorority

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np_spanishtests

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np_sprung_a_leak

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.

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np_stabbed

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np_stickponies

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np_succulentrack

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np_sumosnickers

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np_supreme

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np_taughttoeat

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np_taseredsheep

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Did You Know? Another Twenty Fascinating Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another round of twenty fascinating facts for you to survey.

Random as ever there is sure to be something in here that you didn’t know.

Enjoy.

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did you know3

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Duct tape was developed in 1942 for use by the U.S. Army

as a waterproof sealing tape for ammunition boxes.

Duct tape

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There is a Librarian of Congress.

librarian_of_congress_billington

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Because they were unable to prevent the use of the word “spam”

to represent unwanted email messages,

the Hormel company now uses all-capital letters

in referencing its canned pork product.

SPAM

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The phrase “goody two shoes” comes from a fable

written in 1766 by Oliver Goldsmith

about a poor little girl who could only afford one shoe.

goody two shoes

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Aardvark is Afrikaans for earth pig

Aardvark

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Wrigley’s gum was the first product with

a bar code to be scanned at a supermarket.

gum barcode

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Michael Jackson attempted to buy Marvel Comics in the 1990s

because he wanted to play Spiderman.

Michael Jackson Spiderman

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M&M’s stands for Mars and Murrie’s

the last names of the candy’s founders.

M&M_mascots

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Hitler and Napoleon had only one testicle

(each, of course, that is!)

napoleon and hitler

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The speed of sound must be exceeded

to produce a sonic boom.

sonic boom

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41% of women apply body or hand moisturizer

a minimum three times a day

skin-moisturizers-1

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One gallon of used motor oil can ruin approximately

one million gallons of fresh water.

water

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The American Automobile association was formed in 1905

for the sole purpose of warning motorists of police speed traps.

American Automobile Association logo

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One Neptune year lasts 165 Earth years.

neptune

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Former U.S. President Franklin Pierce was arrested

during his term as President

for running over an old lady with his horse,

but the charges were later dropped.

Franklin Pierce

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NASDAQ stand for,

“National Association of Securities Dealers Automated Quotations.”

NASDAQ

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The revolving door was invented in 1888,

by Theophilus Van Kannel.

Revolving_Door

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The Golden Gate Bridge was first opened in 1937.

golden-gate-bridge-at-night2

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The first email was sent out by Ray Tomlinson in 1971

ray-tomlinson-first-email

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The song “Strawberry Fields Forever” sung by the Beatles

refers to an orphanage located in Liverpool.

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Shortbread… They’re not making it any longer!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, as always the clue is in the title.

It’s pun day!

Enjoy – you know you do.

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I’ve just got a make-shift job

at the computer keyboard factory.

shift key

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A Limbo dancer married a Locksmith yesterday…

…the wedding was low key.

Limbo

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As a paranoid schizophrenic, I take

the elevator alone to my top floor apartment…

I can’t handle the stares.

paranoid schizophrenic

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I do all my addition in my head.

It’s the thought that counts.

maths

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My teacher said to our class the

other day that she hates suck-ups.

I couldn’t agree more. 

sucking-up-cartoon

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I was just about to nail some shelves to the wall.

Then I thought, screw it.

wall-shelves

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Corrugated roofs.

are really groovy.

corrugated-roof-of-a-building

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So they finally found Osama a couple of years ago,

talk Abbotabad place to hide!

hideout-house-of-slain-al-qaeda-leader-osama-bin-laden-in-abbottabad

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What do cheap hotels and

tight designer jeans have in common?

No ballroom.

tight jeans

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When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia

was asked if he knew where he was going he replied

“off course”

Costa Concordia

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Woke up this morning after a heavy night

of drinking to find out that I’d gone bald.

Which is strange because normally

I go for brunettes. 

bald

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A tennis ball walks into a bar.

The barman says,

“Have you been served?”

tenis ball

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My horse had a win at the races today.

I have no idea how he filled in the betting slip.

horse cartoon

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I saw two people hailing a taxi today and thought:

“What strange religion do they belong to?”

hailing taxi

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Princess Diana died on the 31 August 1997

having been staying at the Ritz, Paris.

Margaret Thatcher died April 8, 2013

having been staying at the Ritz, London.

I’ve been saying it’s a conspiracy for years

but everyone else thinks it’s just crackers.

nabisco-ritz-crackers

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My maths teacher asked me,

“Do you understand inequalities?”

I replied, “More or less.”

cartoon inequalities

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Without a doubt, my favorite

Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire. 

Mrs Doubtfire

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I’ve got a friend who’s a female private investigator.

Although he prefers to be called a gynecologist.

gynae

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There’s two things I don’t like about a politician,

his face.

two-faced-2

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Saw a woman today who opened the door in her nightie.

I thought, “That’s a funny place for a door.” 

door_in_her_nightie_____by_boblea

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Some say puns are the lowest form of Hugh Moore…….whoever he is???

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, pun day again! The jokes you love to pretend to hate.

They are a bit like quicksand, the more you struggle the harder it is to get away from them.

Take my advice and just sit back and enjoy.

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Ever since my mate directed his first movie, he’s been a nightmare at parties.

He’s always creating a scene.

director

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I retired yesterday after working for 30 years on a conveyor belt.

It was a very moving experience.

conveyor belt

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My parents are forcing me to wear a turban because of my religion.

It makes me sikh.

turban

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My wife cost me a fortune when I took her out for a meal yesterday.

Take my advice. Never put A la carte before the horse.

a la carte

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I bought some cheap glasses.

They’re fiver optics.

glasses

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I can’t think of any boat puns.

Canoe?

canoe

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What’s the difference between Oxfam and Islam?

Oxfam is a non profit organisation.

non profit

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If ignorance is bliss,

why are McDonald’s staff never happy?

mcdonalds cartoon

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A friend of mine dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water

….I think he meant well.

digging

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I don’t approve of political jokes.

I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

political jokes

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Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

cartoon marriage

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In case you’re wondering, I don’t suffer from insanity;

I enjoy every minute of it.

informed-sanity

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Yes Of Course They’re Real!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few people have asked me if the quiz show answers that I use on the fasab blog are all genuine or did I make some of them up for comic effect.

It’s not that I would be beyond doing things to get a laugh sometimes, but to answer the question for everyone who considered it:

Yes they are all genuine answers.

Yes, people are genuinely that stupid.

Yes, it’s hard to believe but it’s true.

Still not convinced?

Need evidence direct from the horses’ mouths?

Grab yourself a nice cup of coffee and take 15 minutes or so to watch the video.

Enjoy (and never doubt fasab again…… well not all the time.)

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