More Moron Madness For Monday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Crikey! Not only has another Monday arrived with us but now we’re into September, summer is winding down and Autumn beginning. Personally I prefer the Spring time when everything is coming back to life rather than shutting down, but we have to take what we get.

Hope another selection from the quiz show answers archive helps your mood for the beginning of another week.

Enjoy.

 

 

Q: Name a seafood that comes in a can, besides tuna   

A: Albacore

A: Chicken of the Sea   

 

 

Q: Name something worn only by children         

A: Clothes        

 

 

Q: The birthday that men dread the most           

A: Their wife’s  

 

 

Q: An activity that is both healthy and fun          

A: Sex

 

 

Q: Name a kind of bank that doesn’t deal with money    

A: Sperm         

 

 

Q: An attraction you see in every parade           

A: Merry-go-round         

 

 

Q: Name something you put in empty coffee cans         

A: Spaghetti

 

 

Q: Name a reason you might stay inside on a beautiful day        

A: It’s raining    

 

 

Q: Name a children’s story about an animal       

A: David and Goliath     

 

 

Q: Name a famous woman you wouldn’t want to see wearing a thong     

A: Sally the hippo         

 

 

Q: Name something you hear at a New Year’s Eve party 

A: Gunfire

A: A parade

 

 

Q: Name a farm animal that people have as a pet          

A: Turkey         

 

 

Q: Name something you rent for one day          

A: A stripper     

 

 

Q: An occupation where someone wears a robe at work 

A: Prostitute

 

 

Q: Name something you associate with the Dallas Cowboys      

A: Cowboy hats

 

 

Q: The most lovable breed of dog        

A: Kitten          

 

 

Q: Name something associated with Cuba         

A: It’s in South America

 

 

Q: Name a character from the movie Aladdin     

A: Jihad

 

 

Q: Name a Jewish person that had a great impact on society     

A: Mussolini     

 

 

Q: Name a movie with the word “King” in it         

A: King Dracula

 

 

Q: Name a measurement of time           

A: Watch

 

 

Q: One thing people do to imitate a dog when playing charades 

A: Lift their leg  

 

 

Q: An appliance you should definitely keep your fingers out of  

A: Dishwasher  

 

 

Q: Name something you think that all drivers, except you, should get a ticket for doing   

A: Driving on the median           

 

 

Q: An animal that starts with the letter A 

A: Arachnophobia

 

 

Q: Somewhere a man might go after he gets divorced   

A: Go buy a car

 

 

Q: Name something celebrities might be embarrassed to endorse on a commercial         

A: Name a douche        

 

 

Q: An occupation whose members must get tired of smiling       

A: Game show host      

 

 

Q: An Olympic sport starting with ‘S’     

A: Skydiving     

 

 

Q: Name something that might be a pizza topping in a horror movie       

A: Feces

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Quiz Show Quackers, It’s Time Once Again To Meet Joe Public Trying To Think

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Mondays wouldn’t be the same without a selection of answers given by Joe Public on television quiz shows. Here’s the latest batch from the archives. 

Usual Disclaimer: If you are of a nervous disposition please read the following with caution, severe feelings of intellectual superiority may follow.

Enjoy!

 

 

Q: Name something people want to be buried with         

A: Their home   

 

 

Q: Name a phrase some husbands dread hearing          

A: “Honey, I’m home”    

 

 

Q: Name something you learn how to do from a how-to book     

A: Read           

 

 

Q: Name something that goes off when a fuse blows     

A: Lighter

A: Gas

 

 

Q: Name something that breaks out      

A: A baby         

 

 

Q: Name a holiday usually celebrated on Mondays in order to get a three day weekend   

A: Thanksgiving

A: Somebody’s birthday

 

 

Q: An animal people fear because it’s a man-eater         

A: Hippo           

 

 

Q: Name something you’d hate to be doing on airplane when it hits turbulence    

A: Having sex   

 

 

Q: Name a part of the telephone           

A: The bottom part        

 

 

Q: Name something a baby might hide in his diaper if he didn’t want his mommy to leave home  

A: Kelly Clarkson          

 

 

Q: An unwelcome gift people receive from a cat

A: A bowl         

 

 

Q: An animal whose eggs you’d never eat for breakfast 

A: Hamster       

 

 

Q: Name a tradition associated with Christmas   

A: Hanukkah    

 

 

Q: The worst place to be when you need to use the restroom     

A: On a game show      

 

 

Q: Name something you might find on an old pirate ship, besides pirates           

A: A wrecked pirate ship

 

 

Q: Name something that goes up          

A: An erection

 

 

Q: Name something that is prohibited on most beaches 

A: Sex 

 

 

Q: Name something that falls from the trees      

A: Bird shit       

 

 

Q: Name something that has to warm up before you use it         

A: Wife

 

 

Q: Name a type of foreign money         

A: Monopoly     

 

 

Q: Name a weather term that can also describe your wife           

A: Wet 

 

 

Q: Name a job that helicopters are used for       

A: Tuna fishing 

 

 

Q: Name a happy occasion where you feel a little let down when it’s over

A: Funeral        

 

 

Q: Name something that comes with a summer storm    

A: Snow           

 

 

Q: Name something you wouldn’t want the police to find in the trunk of your car 

 A: Pickles                    

 

 

Q: Besides a house or a car, the most expensive item you own  

 A: Car  

 

 

Q: Name something starting with the word “Club”           

A: Golf club      

 

 

Q: Name a place where people are scolded for falling asleep     

 A: Traffic school

 

 

Q: Name a male dancer

A: Betty Grable 

 

 

Q: Name a famous rock band that starts with the word “The”      

A: The KISS     

 

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Travel Agents Get Asked Some Funny Things

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

Only very occasionally these days do I use a travel agent. I prefer to organize things myself online. But then I am a fairly experienced traveler. For many other people, particularly the intellectually challenged it seems, the travel agent is their first and last port of call when organizing a vacation.

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents. Since I read these I’m wondering if there should be some kind of proficiency test before one is allowed out of the house let alone venture into another county or country.

That’s one for the bureaucrats to ponder over, but it probably won’t happen, after all most of them couldn’t pass it, and they all like their little trips at our expense.

As usual, I hope you enjoy.

 

What the travel agents said:

 

I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.

– – – – – – – – – –

 

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii.

After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”

– – – – – – – – – –

 

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.

I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts.”

Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, “Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.”

Her response… click.

– – – – – – – – – –

 

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did.

I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando.

He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.

I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, “Don’t lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.”

– – – – – – – – – –

 

I got a call from a man who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?”

I said, “No.”

He said, “But they look so close on the map.”

– – – – – – – – – –

 

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas.

When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay-over in Dallas.

When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time.”

– – – – – – – – – –

 

A nice lady just called.

She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.

I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.

Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

– – – – – – – – – –

 

A woman called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?”

I said, “No, why do you ask?”

She replied, “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I’m overweight, is there any connection?”

After putting her on hold for a minute while “I looked into it,” ( I was actually laughing) I came back and explained that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

– – – – – – – – – –

 

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?”

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.”

– – – – – – – – – –

 

A woman called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes.”

I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane.

She said, “Yeah, whatever.”

– – – – – – – – – –

 

A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.

After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.

“Oh no I don’t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.”

I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa.

When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.”

– – – – – – – – – –

 

A secretary called in looking for hotel in Los Angles.

She gave me various names off a list, none of which I could find I finally had her fax me the list.

To my surprise, it was a list of hotels in New Orleans, Louisiana.

She thought the LA stood for Los Angles, and that New Orleans was a suburb of of L.A.

Worst of all, when I called her back, she was not even embarrassed.

– – – – – – – – – –

 

A woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York.”

The agent was at a loss for words.

Finally, the agent asked, “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?”

“Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the customer.

After some searching, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Hippopotamus anywhere.”

The customer retorted, “Oh don’t be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!”

The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?”

She replied, “That’s it! I knew it was a big animal!”

hippo
Hippopotamus, New York