Cole’s Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In case the title didn’t give it away, today is pun day!

Hurrah and enjoy!!

But first a quick medical alert….

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Medical Alert:

When you play golf iron deficiencies

can lead to a risk of increased strokes.

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I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from.

Then it dawned on me.

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I was devastated when my girlfriend left me for a dwarf.

I never thought she would stoop so low

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“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,”

said Tom heartlessly

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Ever wonder why the person who invented the door knocker

wasn’t awarded a No-bell prize.

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I walked down a street where the houses were numbered

64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

That was a trip down memory lane.

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If anyone ever says to you that they’ve lost their voice,

They’re lying.

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Tires are fixed for a flat rate.

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If you suffer from kleptomania,

should you take something for it?

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I’ve taken up a part time course in counterfeiting.

I’m forging ahead.

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I broke up with my girlfriend last night.

It happened on the forecourt of a gas station.

Very emotional breakup.

She was in tears and I was filling up….

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The latest market research shows a growing trend

for eating high-fibre cereal for breakfast,

with the result that people are experiencing

greater regularity in their bowel movements.

With trends like that,

who needs enemas?

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Did you hear about the bird that sat on an axe?

It was trying to hatchet

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A boy came into the house with a sofa on his back.

His mother said,

“How many times have I told you not to accept suites from strangers!?”

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I was watching a tv program about the people in Holland who make their traditional clogs?

I thought, I’d like to try that

Wooden shoe?

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A fishing boat is working the North Sea, when suddenly it starts shipping water.

It puts out a Mayday message:

“Help! Help! We are sinking!”

A few minutes back the reply comes through:

“Zis is ze German coastguard. Vot are you sinking about?”

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I’ve eaten steak tartar,

but only on rare occasions

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un oeuf is enough as they say in France!

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My laptop is broken.

It just keeps playing “Skyfall” over and over again.

Probably because it’s a Dell.

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Six!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello and welcome to part six of the series on Classified Ads that didn’t quite go according to plan. I don’t know whether any of these were successful in that they sold whatever it was they were trying to sell, but they certainly made it on  to the fasab funny pile!

Enjoy.

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Funny Factoid Friday Again, And Another Eighteen Universal Truths

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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This funny factoid Friday I have a few more Universal Truths. As before, that does not mean that every one of them applies to everyone, but weirdly most of them do.

And if you are wondering after you read this, the answer is yes, I have put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint (you’ll see what I mean later!). Oh dear :o(

Enjoy!

 

1) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

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2) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

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3) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

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4) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

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5) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

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6) You never ever run out of salt.

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7) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

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8) You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.

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9) There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.

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10) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

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11) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

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12) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

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13) People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard

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14) You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint.

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15) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal his or her nose.

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16) Bricks are horrible to carry.

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17) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

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18) Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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It’s Another Funny Factoid Friday, Here Are Eighteen Universal Truths

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

It’s another Friday and time for a few more of what I call factoids, although this list is entitled Universal Truths.

That does not mean that every one of them applies to everyone, but from personal experience I can vouch for the accuracy of quite a lot of them.

Enjoy!

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a bar is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.

4) You’ve never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
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Do You Know…. Yes, It’s Another Flipping Fun Filled Factoid Friday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s Friday again and what better day to indulge in a little more factoid fun. Start your weekend off full of useless knowledge that you can impress and bore your friends with.

Enjoy!

 

 

Do you know….

 

That 80 percent of Harvard students graduate with honors

 

That the chances that a burglary in the US will be solved are 1 in 7

 

That the government owns one third of all the land in the US

 

That they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM.  Why?

 

That James Buchanan was the only US President to remain a bachelor

 

That the only first lady to carry a loaded revolver was Eleanor Roosevelt

 

That the only US President to win a Pulitzer was John F. Kennedy, for “Profiles in Courage”

 

That the only US President to be awarded a patent was Abraham Lincoln, for a system of buoying vessels over shoals

 

 That the US President who discovered a new proof for The Pythagorean Theorem was Jimmy Carter  (I think is was hidden under the oval office carpet)

 

That cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there, duh?

 

What happens if you are in a vehicle going the speed of light and you turn on the headlights?

 

That honey is the only food that does not spoil

 

That a Hummingbird is the only bird that can fly backwards

 

That Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes

 

Why is the word “lisp” spelled with all the letters that people with that affliction cannot pronounce?

 

That a pig is the only animal besides human that can get sunburn

 

That ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water

 

That an eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it

 

That in the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees

 

That for some strange reason Americans drive on parkways and park on driveways.

 

That polar bears are left-handed

 

Why is “dyslexic” such a difficult word to spell?

 

That when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio

 

That Eskimos never gamble  –  I bet you didn’t know that.

 

That the world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910

 

That the youngest pope was 11 years old

 

That Mark Twain didn’t graduate from elementary school

 

That proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses

 

That when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo

 

That Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner

 

What would happen if you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height?

 

That your nose and ears never stop growing

 

Why isn’t “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?

 

That Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined  –  Uranus!  –  No, Jupiter.

 

That they have square watermelons in Japan … they stack better

 

That Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation

 

Why your nose runs and your feet smell?

 

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The Funniest Game Show Incident I Have Seen

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Just a short blog post today, but a real little gem.

This is actually a follow-on from Sunday’s post, “I like Watching Game Shows” which featured some US (or US versions) of popular shows such as Wheel of Furtune, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Family Feud. I hope you enjoyed those.

But the funniest game show incident I have seen comes from a British show called “Catch Phrase” hosted by a comedian called Roy Walker.

Catch Phrase with Roy Walker

 

If you’ve never seen the show, the idea is to guess the answer (usually a well known phrase or saying) from the picture/animation on the screen which is slowly revealed in nine different random parts.

I don’t know what is funnier here, the actual animation, or the presenter and male contestant laughing, or the fact that the poor dumb girl contestant hasn’t the slightest clue what all the laughing is about.

Anyhow here it is.

Enjoy – you’ve got to!

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